It’s the go-home show where we find out the matches… yeah, on the go home show.
Posts Tagged ‘The Rise and Fall of TNA at WWEshop.com’
Oh look out Hogan is in the back carrying around a pipe. Fucking Eric Bischoff is the voice of reason? He tells him to calm the fuck down. God this is going to be bad… as always.
Oh god, the show officially starts with the fucking Jarrett’s coming out to the ring. Lame story short, Jeff wants a truce… hasn’t he asked for this before? Karen has one of those voices that makes you want to stab yourself in the ears with a sharp pencil. Kurt comes out and covers the same ol’ shit and shills his “business partner”. I cant wait until Chyna debuts… oh fuck I just gave it away… ooops. Oh wait, no one cares!
Fuck I’m watching this on real time… why? I have no clue.
Tara and Madison Rayne take on Mickie James and Miss Tessmacher… Tara’s dressed like she’s working the Wednesday night shift at Shady Larry’s Burlesque show. Rayne and Tara ain’t getting along, I don’t think anyone cares. Tessmacher wins this shit, luckily she didn’t wrestle much this time.
Flair’s all excited about being back but then walks into a lip full from Hogan with him accusing him that he is the Network dude. Geez, the guy just got back and was happy about it. So insensitive Hogan. Bischoff AGAIN is cool hand Luke on this…
Tara in the back being gossipy. Rayne catches her talking shit. Oh smack.
Oh no its bad guy Tommy Dreamer trying TMZ’d by Jason Hervey. Styles sees this dude and starts asking more questions than he needs to be. Dreamer is all secretive about what’s going on and Styles gets pissy. Tommy asks what would Brian Boitano do.
Sting taking photos in the back with the TNA title. Don’t you think this dude has enough pictures of himself with the fucking belt!? He says something about RVD’s zigzags…?! I see a buddy comedy here, the preacher and the perpetually stoned.
Beer Money come out, they want to know who Matt Hardy’s… I sorry, “COLD BLOODED” Matt Hardy’s partner is for Sunday… the tanned drunky comes out but starts talking shit about Roode’s promo from last week even though he’s the only one who’s cut a descent promo. Hardy says Storm’s drinking makes him sick… sick as in hung over Matt? Cause damn home boy you been looking drunk for a while on TV, just sayin’. Hardy trying to talk shit is just bad. Oh shocking, Matt says his partner isn’t his brother Jeff… Hey look its Chris Harris… couldn’t this dude have updated his fucking look? Same ol’ shit.
Match number 2 (almost an hour in) was Sangriento taking on Suicide… didn’t this shit happen last week? Might as well, at least this shit was as entertaining as last week. The springboard stunner is a dope move.
They don’t even let Sangriento finish celebrating when Hogan, Bischoff and Flair come out. Flair end up nut shotting Suicide and kicking him out of the ring, well at least they are putting over the newer guys… Hogan wants the network exec out now… but he gets a commercial break instead. After the break these fools spawn the Jarrett’s. Mick Foley ends up being the network exec quite anticlimactically. Foley pie faces Bischoff and threatens Hogan that he will fire them all if he puts his hands on him. Foley says wrestling matters and that this shit isn’t TNA Wrestling and more but IMPACT Wrestling… cause a name change is going to solve this companies problems… ugh. Foley makes a 25 man battle royal for the main event tonight to determine the #1 contender… don’t we already have one?! Foley intro’s Chyna as Angle’s partner for the ppv. Well, at least she don’t look drunk or fucked up.
Isn’t there already an IMPACT Wrestling out there???
Foley in the back with Chyna after this mess in the ring, he’s all happy to be back. Chyna says nothing, well said.
It took an 1:12 but Anderson is in the back complaining about Foley, the battle royal, the title, blah blah fucking blah.
They go into the next match, Abyss vs. Crimson vs. Samoa Joe even though they JUST finished talking about how Abyss is taking on Crimson at the ppv for his undefeated streak. Shit ends when Crimson pins Joe after an Abyss black hole slam… yeah Joe got jobbed. Abyss jumps Crimson and Joe wipes his hands of this shit. Good idea. Abyss is missing a grip of teeth all of a sudden.
Mick Foley has a TNA dvd coming out. Oh man.
Finally its main event time with the 25 man battle royal… I hate battle royals when they are used to crown champions or number 1 contenders. They only time this shit ever worked was the Royal Rumble in ’92 when Flair won the WWF Title. So just when I was surprised that they were pushing Orlando Jordan in this match, I realized it was The Pope with his hair out… oops. Anyhow, the final four were Angle, Anderson, Jarrett and Bully Ray… Jarrett throws out Angle, Chyna throws out Jarrett and Anderson eliminates Bully Ray to become the #1 contender…. great.
Anderson has turned into the John Cena of TNA IMPACT… not a good thing.
RVD and Sting do the friendly bickering in the back. Anderson joins in to make this a hot mess.
Foley tried to emphasize “wrestling” tonight yet these matches tonight were subpar, the convoluted downward spiral of this company continues.
God damn I’m glad that Fighter Hayabusa doesn’t pay or cover TNA ppvs…
hey you… yeah YOU. Read this shit. I shouldn’t be the only one subjected to this waste of two hours.
Haven’t had the strength to do IMPACT! the last couple of times because I was trying to not drink so much during the week… it’s the only way I can watch this shit. Well I’m liquored up and ready to try and sit through two hours of some straight up crapfest.
Show start up with some recap where Karen gets crowned “Queen of the Mountain” but of course Angle ruins this with horse shit. Angle threatens Karen someone is going to beat her up but not him. whatever.
Recap of Sting picking RVD for his ppv match. Hogan and Anderson are in the segment too but yeah not caring.
Karen with an umbella (that was funny) and Jeff Jarrett come out to a ring that is filled with women in TNA. This included “catering” people as well as Knockouts. SO Karen talks shit to the catering lady who I think actually IS the catering lady so she cant act and this is bad. Same shit for the lady who makes the outfits. Finally we only have Knockouts thank god… ok nevermind Miss Tessmacher is just is bad. She bounces. She heads over to Sarita and Rosita and calls them rice and beans, like a typical Hispanic woman Rosita takes off her ear rings so she can brawl. Haha Well its not them either cause they don’t go out with gringos. Karen moves on to Madison Rayne and Tara. Apparently they broke as they bricker before she leaves. Velvet is the last one in the ring, oh hooray. Karen talks shit and she goes to slap Karen, Jeff stops her and she slaps Jeff. Fucking Karen and fucking Velvet pull each others hair until zombie Angelina Love comes out and jumps on Skye. Yes, I am a grown man writing this shit out. Christ.
This segment now becomes the shitty properly of Love, Skye and Winter as the Jarrett’s bounce and we get a match. I love how Angelina is all tranced out but still has time to pick out an outfit, do her make up and get her hair did, funny. God Velvet is bad. White Zombie chokes out Skye.
Mr. Anderson loves his stupid white trash SUV truck with flames on it.
Morgan is all pissed backstage looking for Scott Steiner but in that I’m mad at you cause “you did some dumb shit to me” kinda way.
This Mexican stable needs a better name. Anarquia is sporting a Missing Link tongue. Flag goes down and the Spanish announce team stand up and salute the Mexican flag. Anarquia says they are going to party for Cinco de Mayo. At least this guy can actually speak Spanish, not like fucking Hernandez. Shit’s bad. Anarquia beats Chris Sabin who look like he bent his legit and Alex Shelley makes the save.
Scott Steiner yells a lot backstage about Matt Morgan. Steiner is starting to look like Macho Man after he started letting his grays show.
I’m bored already…
Morgan and Steiner end up fighting each other back stage but Scott jumps Matt from behind and it’s a beat down segment that goes longer than it should.
Sting goes out to Anderson’s shit box truck and takes a bat to it. Mature.
Chris Daniels takes on Gunner for the TV Title. Daniel is still the shit but jobs out to Gunner doing Brock Lesnar’s F5 for the win.
Oh yay we get to hear from Sting after the break.
SO TNA Champion Sting comes out mentions how something happened to Anderson’s truck and this brings him down. Sting tries to do comedy saying it wasn’t him. He finally admits it but Anderson says he’s not sweating it and says he’ll get it replaced, he then calls Sting a beeyotch which Sting looks like he was going to get pissed about but Anderson reiterates that he said beeyotch (not bitch). Sting was ok with that…?! Blah blah blah RVD comes out, then Hogan and for some reason Bully Ray is up in this shit and he gets a title shot…?
Joe’s in the back, he looks high. Joe is impressed by Crimson but when asked about him having a winning streak Joe says that shit will end tonight before it even starts next.
Crimson is still green and not even Joe trying to put him over is going to hide that. Abyss fucks this up and beats on Crimson while Joe bounces.
Anderson says something in the back but I didn’t pay attention.
Come on TNA, I wanna get to The Office already….
Angle talking stupid shit about his ass whooping mistress. So fucking dumb.
Mickie James is the new Knockouts Champion well I missed something…
Bully Ray says he’d give up all his tag team titles to win one TNA Championship, I actually liked his promo, look at that a compliment.
Main event time… this got a big forward job up till AJ Styles beats on Ray then Sting pipes Ray for the pin. They end the show with REaction style videos by a bunch of people but I couldn’t care. Well I’m glad this night is over.
Thanks for reading my pain.
***BREAKING NEWS*** – – TNA Slammiversary to take place in Orlando! HUGE news folks, huge news and a first… no wait I got that all wrong.
I have no idea what I am in for but it can’t be good…
Oh god the name of this episode is R-V-DAMNED.
Sorry for the late post folks but seeing as IMPACT! fell on St. Patty’s day, there was no way in hell I was giving up the option to go out for this shit storm of a company. 😉 It will be interesting to see how I digest the show on a Saturday so here we go…
TNA World Champion Sting comes out, he’s now sporting one red eye so he looks like he’s wearing a pirate eye patch. He does a cuts a promo about being back etc for a few minutes. Hogan & Bischoff come out and calls Sting out about taking his ball home. Sting didn’t want to deal with Hogan and Bischoff until it he got “that fire” back. AND the over booking begins… Mr. Anderson’s music hits and he comes out and wants his rematch. He introduces himself to Sting doing his Anderson… Anderson mic bit. The dude does his usual overacting. Over booking continues with Jeff Hardy coming out next, he was robbed last week. Our next contestant… RVD, he was originally screwed when he got stripped of the title and a bunch of other shit. Bischoff sets up a matche for tonight with all of these dudes.
Beautiful People, Cookie, Jersey Shore Angelina, Winter, Serita shit talk session in the back.
The Pope and Samoa Joe wrestle each other next in one of the lamest feuds of the year. I hate you TNA, this should have been some dope shit here, come on its Joe vs. The Pope!!!
I hate the Okato character. Luckily he’s taken out right off the bat with Pope hitting him with a pipe before the match. I wonder what the WWE would do with Joe. I would like to think they would do it right but they wouldn’t. I guess Joe is best here, even with this bullshit ass role. Anyhow it was a decent short match I suppose. Joe gets jobbed out by getting hit in the head with Pope’s chain.
Bully Ray is back stage all pissy about Tommy Dreamer stepping on his nuts. He wants to fight him tonight.
TNA Knockout Champion Madison Rayne with Tara. Rayne is pissed about competition, offers another open challenge. Roxxi comes out and gets beat. Mickie James makes the save.
Dreamer doesn’t like getting called out so he goes out to the parking lot waiting for Ray. Funny that Dreamer has become the same character he was in the WWE. I guess the only difference is the lighter work schedule… right?
After the break Ray is now in the parking lot looking for Dreamer. Instead he gets jumped by Devon. Ray sold his ass off while Devon yelled “those were my kids”. Ray doesn’t want anymore but Devon doesn’t listen. Dreamer finally shows up and pulls Devon off. Security guy checks on Ray but instead Ray beats his ass.
Sarita w/Rosita, Cookie and Jersey Angelina vs. The Beautiful People and Winter was next. This shit sandwich ends when Velvet “rolls up” Jersey Angelina. Worst roll up in recent history.
Video package on that football fool from last week.
Anderson in the back asking if Jeff Hardy, Bischoff and Hogan do drugs… too soon?
Matt Hardy and Ric Flair take on AJ Styles next in a handicap match. They come out and cut a promo on each other first. I would have listened to this shit but I got into a deep conversation with my fiancé about wrestlers like Ric Flair back in the day and how the WWE doesn’t let dope dudes blow up like they use to… or sometimes never. Sigh. Anyhow, after the commercial the match starts. Its not long before Flair is busted open. Matt Hardy hits the Twist of Hate after Flair nut shots Styles for the pin. Ok no DQ match.
Sting tries to hug it out with RVD but he ain’t having it.
Generation ME takes on Inc Ink with Beer Money on commentary. ME’s wrestling gear is straight out of 1991. Its bad, although not as bad as how hard Ink Inc try to be cool with their tattoo’s and Mohawks. A tribal tattoo on a wrestler has become more common than bad tans. Ink wins. Shannon Moore and James Storm cut promos for their teams after the match.
Anderson in the back when Jeff Hardy comes into his locker room. Jeff tries to get Anderson on his page, it doesn’t work.
Pope in the back, he’s sick of this Joe bowlshit. He’s gonna rid TNA of Joe.
Recap of the wedding bullshit from last week followed by a backstage promo with the Jarrett’s. Jeff is excited about the honeymoon in… Orlando… so romantic Jeff.
Cool video package for the X Division and Kazarian.
Sting video package is shown next up until he walks away from TNA then returns last week.
Borash in the back with TNA Champion Sting… wow look a promo NOT shot in “REaction” style. They need to switch out the Title belt when Jeff isn’t holding it. It just looks lame when Anderson and Sting hold this Hardy belt. Anderson comes out of “nowhere” and beats up Sting.
Who the fuck is introducing the main event!? Sounds like a midget!?
Main event time Anderson & Jeff Hardy vs. TNA Champion Sting & RVD. Sting doesn’t come out so Anderson starts the match beating on RVD. Anderson and Hardy aren’t getting along. Hardy hits the Twist of Hate on RVD but Anderson stops the count and hits Hardy with the Mic Check. Lights go out and when they come back up Sting is in the ring and beats on Anderson. This leads to RVD hitting the Five Star Frog splash for the pin.
RVD and Sting celebrate and this shit is finally done.
Oh by the way, they have a ppv on Sunday. Let me know how it goes.
So TNA is on the road, the stage has three large screens with the middle one lifting up to let people in. Show starts with a song, and its Dixie Carter. Bad theme music. She cuts a promo all sad faced about how she loves us but that the court case didn’t go well. This of course brings Immortal out before she can say anything else. Dixie’s a terrible actor, she’s reacting to the crowd saying shit like “thank you” but considering its when Bischoff and Flair cut promos on her, it looks bad. This is where you have to look like you’re paying attention Dixie… Hogan makes his return to announce he has 100% of TNA. He calls Dixie just the money and that they were never partners. He keeps yelling at her until Fortune come out to the stage. AJ says some shit but the guy who cuts the better promo was actually Robert Roode. Security keeps Fortune from getting in the ring with Immortal. Another looong opening segment from TNA.
I do like the show on the road. It gives the show a better feel and reaction when its not the Impact Zone. It makes the product look more legit… even if its bad.
Mr. Anderson starts the show pissy, leads to RVD coming down and ends in a brawl. Isn’t this what he did with Morgan? Bischoff and Immortal come out and make a match between RVD vs. Anderson vs. Angle. Hey look its Al Snow and D-Lo Brown.
Another bad promo by Scott Steiner in the back that is interrupted by Eric Young. Stupid.
Footage from earlier today with Jarrett and Karen with their gay wedding dress guy. Stupid x 2.
The show starts with footage of Jarrett and Angle and the “THEY” being revealed… It was Fortune.
Opening jibber yabber…
Immortal comes out to the ring, Jeff Hardy’s face paint makes him look like a smurf or an Avatar. Bischoff is the first to blow hard about what he’s done for pro wrestling once… just lately dude.
Matt Hardy looks high.
Eric then runs down Fortune and calls Kazarian a Clay Aiken wannabe… timely reference Eric.