Posts Tagged ‘Sir Michael Cole’

05-16-11 WWE RAW RANT

May 17, 2011

Sorry for the late post folks, I went out to see THOR. Good stuff if you’re into the Comic book movies.

Coffee favored Patron is poured now let’s get into this…



May 9, 2011

Right off the bat Ricardo Rodriguez is introducing Alberto Del Rio who drives out in a Rolls Royce. ADR comes to the ring and reminds us what his name is. He says his destiny was stolen by that coward Edge and says we wasted a lot of time last week with the Rock’s celebration. He says there is no one better than him and its he who should face Cena. This brings out Rey Mysterio and says his destiny is to be Ricardo Rodriguez’ announcer and then challenges ADR tonight, winner getting Cena. Before ADR can finish his though The Miz and Smackdown’s Alex Riley come out, Miz talks shit about Smackdown and says this is still his show and blames Riley for the shit that happened last week. ADR says Miz had his moment and he didn’t get the job done and now he goes to the back of the line. Miz doesn’t like this shit and says he DID get the job done last week and that the ref was incompetent and tells Rey and ADR to fight in a Taco Bell parking lot. Ha. R-Truth then comes out with no music, he says he hates hospital food and that Morrison is eating a whole lot of that right now because what he did to him. He then says he doesn’t care if the guys in the ring all share the same bed pan and cuts then all down individually. He tells us when an angry black man is talking, we need to shut up…. We get an email… the GM says he only sees three who deserve this match so we’re getting a triple threat, Miz vs. Del Rio vs…. then we get another email…. The third person is… Rey Mysterio. Truth doesn’t take this shit too well and goes off and gets in the face of Rey. Mysterio says Truth should be in the match and that’s “what’s up”. Ha. The crowd gives Truth the “hey hey hey goodbye” chant while he walks off. Miz gets back on the mic and says ADR and Rey are day laborers on RAW. Haha Before Miz can say he will be the next WWE Champion, Rodriguez says Alberto Del Rio’s name. This causes shit to break down with Riley, Rodriguez, Miz and ADR beating on each other. Rey waits his turn and dives onto ADR on the outside before celebrating in the ring.

Well, lets see how this goes… cool that its these three guys and not old hat but Cena isn’t going to lose the title right now so it doesn’t fucking matter.

Diva’s Champion Brie & Nicki Bella vs. Eve & Kelly Kelly

-Brie and Nicki with hot tags while keeping Kelly in the ring.

-Kelly fights back with the flying head scissors, a smack in the ass and a somersault to the corner to Brie.

-Kelly gets the roll up and pins Brie… or Nicki.

Winner: Kelly Kelly & Eve

Right after the match Kharma comes out to the ring slowly. The Bella’s hide at ringside while Eve and Kelly look on. The Bella’s then run up the ramp. Kelly goes to the outside while Eve gets the clothesline. Kharma then runs off Kelly and heads back in the ring to finish off Eve with an implant buster. They are definitely doing a good job getting her over.

WWE Tag Team Champions Kane and Big Show do the walk backstage, oh great we get another Mason Ryan match… sigh.

Mason Ryan w/CM Punk vs. Kane w/Big Show

-Ryan over powers Kane but Kane fights out with a flurry of punches in the corner.

-stiff clothesline by Ryan before choking Kane with the 2nd rope.

-snake eyes and a powerslam my Ryan for a 2 count.

-dropkick to the leg then head of Ryan.

-Punk kicks the leg of Kane which causes Show to knock out Punk at ringside.

-the rest of Nexus then comes in and attacks for the DQ.

-the tag champions fight them off and clear the ring last hitting a double chokeslam on Ryan.

Winner: Kane by DQ

Santino Marella vs. Dolph Ziggler w/Vicki Guerrero

-Ziggler looks so vanilla now, he’s not even wearing the same tights anymore, just black tights and while boots.

-Ziggler starts strong punching the shit out of Santino.

-high elbow drop by Ziggler who’s treating Santino like a jobber.

-Santino tries to fight back and goes for the cobra but gets hit by a standing drop kick.

-Zig Zag puts away Santino.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler


They recap the bullshit on Smackdown where Christian loses the World Title to Randy Orton.

Truth in the back still talking to himself. That new backstage guy stops him, Truth makes fun of the fans wanting him to go back to singing and dancing. He says no more of that shit and bounces.

Zack Ryder (oh shit, yeah on RAW) and he’s showing Cena how to fist bump before he does the walk.

Miz and Riley in the back watching the footage from last week. Riley tries to defend himself but Miz isn’t having it. Riley keeps apologizing but Miz keeps cutting him down. Riley says he’s going to make it up to Miz and walks off.

They then follow Riley in the back walking, he then comes out to the arena and gets into the ring. He gets on the mic and says he only cares about the Miz and is going to prove it to Miz by challenging John Cena to a match. It takes Cena a while but he finally comes out.

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Alex Riley

-Cena showboats Riley by showing him up on… wrestling moves…?

-Riley finally gets a stiff clothesline for a 2 count.

-Cena does his typical move set that leads into the YCSM fist drop.

-AA on Riley but Cena is too busy staring at Miz who comes out.

-another AA to Riley then the STF for the win.

Winner: John Cena

Miz looks on and Cena does his usual after match bullshit. I wish this dude was actually on Smackdown now. I fucking hate having to review his ass.

WrestleMania comes out tomorrow on Blu-ray and DVD bitches!

Michael Cole is in the ring after the break, he’s retiring from in-ring competition after beating Lawler twice on ppv. He says he’s retiring undefeated. Lawler comes into the ring but Cole says The King cant touch him or he’ll be fired. Lawler cuts to the footage last week with Rock beating on Cole. Lawler challenges Cole with the stipulation that if he loses that he would induct Cole into the Hall of Fame himself and even give Cole his HOF ring. Cole says he doesn’t think so and goes back into his glass cage of human emotions. Cole is now pissed cause Lawler couldn’t let him retire in peace, cuts down Tennessee, Al Gore (putting over George W. Bush), Elvis and Lawler. Cole says he decided yesterday to retire from wrestling and how he and his mom watched WrestleMania over and over. Cole goes back to talking shit about Lawler and asked him what he did for mothers day. Cole plays up the asshole role again on Lawler’s mom. Lawler goes to attack Cole but Swagger attacks Lawler from behind taking him out with the ring post.

United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger

-Swagger teases the ankle lock and Kofi almost hits the trouble in paradise shortly after the start of the match.

-flying forearm and a dropkick by Kofi sending Swagger to the outside.

-Swagger sidesteps Kofi, then rolls back into the ring and hits the high boot sending Kofi to the outside.

-Kofi hits a high cross body from the top for a close 2 ½.

-Kofi skins the cat but Swagger puts the ankle lock on Kofi while he is coming over.

-Swagger then works over the ankle of Kofi until he fights back trying to hit a tornado DDT.

-Lawler comes out from the back causing the distraction.

-Kofi hits the trouble in paradise for the pin.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Lawler takes out Swagger then start to throw furniture into Cole’s glass box. Lawler then takes Cole’s tie from the hole in the box and bounces Coles he’s off the glass multiple times before just the refs come out to pull him off. Swagger comes over and checks on Cole while yelling how Lawler is now fired for touching Cole. Lawler says he only touched his tie. Swagger then accepts the match for Cole but Cole is freaking out about it. Lawler celebrates on the announce table.

Let’s hope this is the end of this shit finally… its run its course folks.

Triple Threat match to become the #1 contender

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

-Rey fights off both Miz and ADR and teases a double 619.

-ADR sends Rey to the outside but then gets rolled up by Miz for a 2.

-Rey back in with a pin attempt that Miz breaks up.

-Miz hits the corner clothesline taking out both Rey and ADR.

-Rey goes for the 619 on Miz but ADR sweeps his legs from under him.

-ADR sends Rey to the outside, Miz goes for the SCF but ADR fights out and teases the arm breaker before we get a double clothesline spot and a commercial break.

-back from the break and ADR has cornered Rey and hits a tilt a whirl back breaker on him.

-Miz comes back in sending ADR to the outside but walks into a stiff kick to Miz’s head for a 2 ½.

-ADR pulls Miz to the outside and hits a clothesline on him by Rey comes over the top rope with a seated senton.

-Rey to the top with another seated senton on ADR in the ring and a HIGH cross body for a 2 count.

-Miz to the top but Rey sends ADR at him.

-Rey with the top rope hurricaneranna to Miz.

-arm breaker drop to Rey by ADR

-arm breaker on Rey!… Miz comes in and ADR rolls him up for a 2 count.

-short DDT by Miz for a 2 count.

-Miz tries for SCF by Rey sends him to the outside. Riley is now back in trying to get Miz back in the ring.

-ADR is sent into Riley who was on the ropes taking him out.

-619 by Rey and a top rope splash on ADR but ADR is in the ropes.

-Miz comes from behind and rolls up Rey for the win.

Winner: The Miz

Riley and Miz slowly walk back up the ramp while Rey looks on frustrated.

While Riley and Miz celebrate Cena comes out and congratulates Miz like he did after WrestleMania. Cena says the match at the ppv will be an I Quit match. Miz doesn’t look happy about this nonsense.

Truth then comes out of nowhere and hits the mic check on Rey in the ring as we go off the air.

Ok RAW I guess. They set up matches for the ppv but right now they are just “eh” matches.


April 18, 2011

We get Cole, Lawler and good ol’ JR tonight. Let’s see how long this lasts. Cole starts yelling off the bat when Lawler and JR don’t say anything over R-Truth’s music.

Truth comes out and does his usual “what’s up” thing. He’s all excited that he’s in the main event of Extreme Rules and talks about his road to this point. Truth says like it or not he’s walking out WWE Champion and how he’s going to be the most fighting champion. John Morrison then comes out all smiley, they greet each other and Morrison congratulates Truth but then goes into what happened last week and how he was lucky. They banter back and forth when Morrison cuts to footage of Truth last week taking a “rest break” and drinking water while Cena came out for the Gauntlet match. Morrison gives him a hard time about his health when Truth starts to get annoyed while Morrison brings up the fact that Truth smokes. They now banter about smoking… is this a fucking PSA!? Truth knows what Morrison is up to saying he is trying to get into his head so he puts up his title match at the ppv and Morrison tells him that’s a good idea and how they should wrestle each other since the draft is next week and it might not happen again. Truth wanted to come out and celebrate not wrestle but Morrison reminds him said he was going to be a fighting champion. Truth gets suckered into this shit while the crowd chants “fight”.

John Morrison vs. R-Truth

(for Truth’s Extreme Rules spot)

-starts off fast with Truth trying to make quick pins.

-Truth goes to the outside to take a break with water playing up what Morrison accused him of.

-back from break to both hitting arm drags.

-Truth keeps the match grounded while trying to hit quick pin attempts.

-inverted suplex into a stunner by Truth.

-scissors kick is avoided as is the flash kick.

-Morrison hits Truth with the Starship Pain for the win.

Winner: John Morrison

Morrison goes up to Truth and offers his hand. Truth looks pissed and looks like he’s going to leave but then jumps Morrison and pulls him off the top rope while he was celebrating. Running knee by Truth which sends Morrison to the outside, he then sits in the corner looking frustrated but before he goes to the outside lands another running knee to Morrison into the barricade. Truth plays up being conflicted by his actions, then grabs Morrison by the head and tries to apologize and carry him off. This doesn’t last long when Truth knocks him down, drinks more water only to hit Morrison with the bottle of water. An “R-Truth sucks” chant starts which doesn’t make his ass happy. Morrison gets on his feet again while Truth tells him that Morrison did this. He then hits that Zig Zag type move onto him at ring side and starts asking the crowd who’s got a smoke. He takes a pack from “someone in the crowd” and lights up at ringside!? The crowd chants “that’s illegal” haha! Truth kneels in front of Morrison and blows smoke at him then flicks the cigarette at him before he bounces.

So a black man can’t get a break in the WWE unless he’s a heel I guess…

WWE Draft is back next week… not that it matters seeing now much cross branding they’ve been doing lately.

Evan Bourne vs. Dolph Ziggler w/Vicki Guerrero

-Vicki comes out to the stage to intro the new and improved Dolph Ziggler who comes out with short hair that’s dyed dark. Now they just need to change his name…

-Vicki starts off talking shit to Bourne and laughing at him.

-Ziggler starts off fast until he is hit with the Frankensteiner.

-Bourne goes for a high cross body but Ziggler drop kicks him in mid air.

-bow and arrow type submission by Ziggler that legs to an elbow drop.

-Evan fights back with a series of kicks and high knees for a 2 count.

-Leg stomp by Bourne who then goes to the top for the Shooting Star Press but Ziggler moves as Bourne lands on his feet and gets hit with the Zig Zag for the win.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler


Hair cut has much improved Ziggler’s look but they need to ditch this name.

Michael Cole claims to be getting knighted tonight… sigh.

Sin Cara video package on what he’s done so far on Sheamus, Swagger and Primo.

JR and Lawler talk about the career of Edge before the roll to a video package on him. Good shit.

Alberto Del Rio is throwing a Retirement Party for Edge this week on Smackdown.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come down to the ring sporting Miz’s new t-shirt that looks like a baseball style shirt. Miz says he’s been getting ready for a match with Cena and Truth but then Truth made a bad decision and how those actions affect him because he now has to go against Cena and Morrison in a steel cage. He goes through scenarios that can happen in that match, where he can lose the match without getting pinned. He then asks Riley to bring a chair to the ring where he will wait until the GM changes this. Miz sits and waits, then we go to commercial… we’re back and Miz is yapping away still.

All of a sudden Sin Cara’s music hit and he runs down to the ring and clears the top rope well this time around. We get a “Sin Cara” chant but then fucking John Cena comes down to ruin this shit…. We finally get an email. Michael Cole reads the email on his iPad… the GM turns this shit into a tag team match.

Sin Cara & John Cena vs. WWE Champion The Miz & Alex Riley

-Cena and Riley start it off with Cena getting boos right off the back. Riley heads to the outside while Miz tries to get them to regroup. Another commercial break.

-We’re back and Miz is in the ring with Cena who hits a fisherman’s suplex then goes for the AA but Miz hits the side effect.

-Cena is cornered while Riley beats on Cena while Miz distracts the ref.

-frequent tags by Miz and Riley while the crowd exchanges “let go Cena/Cena sucks” chants.

-weird powerslam/reverse DDT by Cena for the hot tag to Sin Cara

-fists and kicks by Cara who then hits the a springboard elbow ala Tajiri.

-second rope Hurricaneranna to Riley and a dropkick to Miz.

-Cara is cut off by Riley who was on the outside.

-Miz takes him back first into the ring apron.

-Cara fight Miz off with a roll up but takes a boot to the face for a Miz 2 count.

-double suplex to Cara.

-stiff lariat clothesline by Riley for another 2.

-Miz goes for his corner clothesline but is sidestepped and Cara makes the hot tag.

-Cena hits the YCSM fist drop on Riley and the AA, tag to Cara who hits a springboard moonsault (he over shot Riley) for the pin.

Winners: Sin Cara & John Cena

Another Awesome Kong video is shown, she really doesn’t like Bratz dolls… word going around is that she’s going to be called Kharma. Eh, it’s the best they could have done I guess. Could have been worse actually…

Eve vs. Nicki Bella w/Diva’s Champion Brie Bella

-Brie says Eve might not get her return match because she might be drafted next week… uh someone needs to inform Brie she can go to Smacky to defend too.

-Eve locks Nicki in the tree of woe but Nicki moves out of the way setting up for the Brie interference behind the refs back.

-bottom rope flash kick by Eve for the pin… weakest kick ever…

Winner: Eve

Michael Cole has had enough and brings up the royal wedding and how he will be knighted next. We come back from break and the ring is all decorated up for this knighting. Cole intros Jack Swagger who he makes sound like they’ve made up. Swagger comes down with a robe in hand, they both hug it out in the ring. Swagger then puts this robe on Cole. Swagger then reads from a “scroll” and says he will no longer be called Mr. WrestleMania but Sir Michael Cole. Swagger then intros “Queen Elizabeth”… She gets music and a titantron video. Haha the imposer queen reads off a piece of paper while the crowd chants some shit. Swagger hands this lady a sword which she touches both of Cole’s shoulders with. Cole ends this with a big smooch to this queen. Cole says he is royalty now and wants JR and Lawler to kiss his feet. Cole takes off his shoe and his foot has some shit on it. Looks like he’s been toe fucking a red light district hooker. Swagger jumps Lawler then Swagger grabs JR and puts him in the ankle lock while Cole puts his foot in JR’s face.

Cole says he has athletes foot because he’s an athlete.

Santino vs. United States Champion Sheamus

-Sheamus cuts a promo on Santino and how last time they were in London Santino embarrassed him so he’s going to get revenge.

-Sheamus controls the match while beating on Santino the whole time.

-Josh and Cole have a good ol time at the expense of reliving what Cole did to JR.

-Santino fights back and tries to get the Cobra but he’s too stunned to get it.

-Sheamus hits the bro kick for the pin.

Winner: Sheamus


CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

-Right off the bat we get battling “Randy Orton/CM Punk” chants.

-Orton corners Punk then hits stiff shots to the chest of Punk.

-Punk fights back and corners Orton to hit a series of knees to his head.

-rolling powerslam by Orton

-Orton sets up for the RKO but Punk pushes him off.

-After the break, Punk with the scoop slam.

-vertical suplex by Punk for a 2.

-“GTS/RKO” chant. dope!

-high knee by Punk for another 2.

-flying clothesline by Punk from the apron to Orton on the outside.

-Punk goes for another suplex but gets rolled up for an Orton pin attempt.

-Orton finally breaks free by biting Punks hands..!?

-Orton goes for the Angle slam but it is countered and Punk hits a bulldog.

-back breaker by Orton then the Angle slam for a two count.

-Punk hangs Orton’s head over the top rope.

-springboard clothesline off the ropes by Punk for a 2.

-Punk to the top but is cut off, superplex by Orton! 1…2… 2 ½!

-horizontal DDT is blocked, G2S no that’s blocks, RKO! No that’s blocked with a kick to the face!

-Punk goes for the G2S again but Orton slides out and rolls up Punk for the pin?!

Winner: Randy Orton


After the match the new Nexus hit the ring and surround Orton before they attack Orton and maul him. Mason Ryan gets all possessive about beating on Orton and pushes McGillicutty and Otunga off. Ryan goes to punt Orton when Punk stops him and says Orton is his. Ryan isn’t listening so Punk has to repeat himself. Punk goes to hit the punt but gets RKO’d! Orton runs up the ramp while Nexus look on pissed.