Posts Tagged ‘Goldust’

Smackdown [November 1, 2013]

November 1, 2013

0 - smackdown new logo April 2013

Goldust, Cody, and the World Champ bring the house down in the main event.

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10-28-13 WWE RAW

October 28, 2013

new-raw

 

-I’m not happy about doing this fucking show after the bowlshit we had to put up with last night. The ONLY good shit last night was the triple threat tag team match. Everything else, I was WAY fucking over especially when you’re trying to get me to pay for a Great Khali match… on PAY per view… they better give me a good FUCKIN’ show tonight….

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10-21-13 WWE RAW

October 21, 2013

new-raw

super tag team go home night….

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Smackdown [October 18, 2013]

October 18, 2013

0 - smackdown new logo April 2013

Because this was better than the Battleground pay per view

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10-14-13 WWE RAW

October 14, 2013

new-raw

 

Welcome to Distraction Night…

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Smackdown [October 11, 2013]

October 11, 2013

0 - smackdown new logo April 2013

The Rhodes Boys and the Wyatt Family deliver a slobberknocker

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10-19-10 WWE NXT SEASON 3 REVIEW

October 19, 2010

 

Ok so I’m watching this shit with my pants off. At least I’ll try and get something from this show tonight…

 

Show starts off by Striker intro’ing the rookies individually. He says we’re at the half way point on the show. He congratulates AJ and Naomi on their challenge wins last week. Vicki interrupts Striker, she doesn’t like how he’s talking highly of the rookies and then she gives Kaitlyn shit for what she is wearing. Vicki says she is recommitting herself to being her Pro again. Vicki got her a gift cause her looks are bothering her. She brought her a hoodie and the crowd is hating on Vicki. Yeah Vicki, don’t put MORE clothes on these chicks! Maxine says to put the sweatshirt so we can move on and how she would rather have HER as her Pro. Alicia Fox is pissed and comes down to the ring at what Maxine said. Alicia and Vicki banter back and forth until Alicia challenges Vicki, rookie vs. rookie…. And we get a match instead of a challenge. That’s good… right?

 

Someone fucked up and they are showing the Smackdown commercial from 2 weeks ago…

 

This Big Show movie looks bad… real bad.

 

Maxine w/Alicia Fox vs. Kaitlyn w/Vicki Guerrero

Kaitlyn has been coaxed into wearing the hoodie and is going to wear it during the match. Vicki and Alicia are mic’d on the ring apron, so it didn’t work for LayCool but it will work here!? Cole and Josh are straight up talking shit about this segment and are now talking about Eastbound and Down?! Cole is now take a phone call and walks off the announce table to take the call?! Dude this is retarded. Now Tony Chimmel is talking to whoever Cole was talking to… this is fucking bizarre. Cole was talking to his “mom”. Yeah these girls are fucking green but you’re the ones who put them on TV. Maxine wins with a roll up.

Winner: Maxine

 

We get the “stand up for WWE” video again. Look man, it ain’t our fucking wife running for Senate. Look, any other day of the week I would stand up for these assholes (even during some fucking stupid angles and segments) but I’m not standing up for you cocks because you’re getting buried in the media because of this political bullshit. Fend for yourselves, you got yourself into this shit. Man I hope she loses this shit so we can get back to normal.. or whatever THAT is in the WWE Universe.

 

Its challenge time, who’s that body. They put up a picture of someone from the neck down and they guess…

 

Naomi gets Cody.

Kaitlyn gets Kelly Kelly

Kaitlyn gets Morrison

Naomi gets Maryse

AJ gets Cena

AJ gets Gail Kim

Maxine gets Kozlov

Naomi gets Melina…. Naomi wins.

 

Needless to say this was a cluster fuck, the last thing they needed to do was give these chicks air horns. Wow that was annoying.

 

Goldust and Aksana in the back, he brings up asking her to marry her to help her out with her visa problems. To make this shit official he get her a ring, its tacky. He tries to go in for a kiss but pulls away. Dammit you’re finally pushing this dude again don’t fuck it up with cheesy shit!

 

Another Make a Wish commercial. We get it you’re charitable peoples.

 

The rookies are out again for the next challenge… it’s a fucking limbo contest with actual limbo music… they go round and round and the bars lower and lower, oh man. This is boner city and I am the mayor. Naomi wins this shit and before I got to climax. Bullshit.

 

Kelly Kelly & Naomi vs. The Bella’s

Cole says he doesn’t get on the internets but this fool has a Twitter and said he read that Naomi could knock him out ON Twitter… oh and let’s not forget this fool gets emails from the GM. I hate to say it but these rookies make the Bella’s look like the Hardy boys… and Kelly Kelly is HBK… ok maybe not. Solid “we want Goldust” chant out of nowhere. This shit breaks down when Nicki and Naomi get into a cat fight. Nicki’s all heel on Naomi. Josh is now getting pissy with Cole cause all he wants to do it pick a fight. Kelly i shocked at this heel style Nicki. Nicki is sent to the outside but Nicki sweeps the leg of Naomi, throws her sister to the outside and makes the cover for the win. Bre doesn’t look too impressed by her sisters actions, but gets her hand raised none the less.

Winners: The Bella’s

 

Ok so that’s over and I have to put my pant back on…

 

10-12-10 WWE NXT SEASON 3 REVIEW

October 12, 2010

Hey, it’s Great Puma here. Mascara de Fuego is out enjoying a concert in La La Land while I’m stuck watching Kaitlyn’s assets for an hour on the internetz. I say it’s a win for me. On to the show.

All the Divas are introduced. Kaitlyn comes out and Vicky is looking bitter on stage.

Striker says the next elimination is coming in 3 weeks time.

‘WWE Name that Tune!’ CHALLENGE

Aj guesses Sheamus. 100 pts.

AJ guesses Teddy Long. 200 pts.

Naomi – Santino. 100 pts.

AJ: Edge – 300 pts. AJ: Cena – 400 pts. AJ: Kofi – 500 pts.

AJ: The Miz – 600 pts. AJ: Melina – 700 pts.

AJ owned the first round.

AJ: DX – 900 pts. AJ: Orton – 1100 pts. AJ: Zach Ryder 1300 pts.

AJ: Dusty Rhodes – 1500. AJ: Trish Stratus – 1700.

Nobody guessed for Legion of Doom.

AJ: Vince McMahon. 1900.

AJ cleans house and wins the competition.

Cole continues to rag on the show like a tool. Josh Mathews plays the white knight.

–I love me a girl who can name most of the WWE theme entrance catalogue.  Color me impressed.

Naomi vs Alicia Fox

  • Fox tells Naomi to bring it. Right.
  • Fox controls the beginning with strikes.
  • Naomi regains control with her aerial offense, including a killer bee sting/jumping booty attack.
  • Fox gets the upperhand again with strikes and methodical wear down holds.
  • Naomi hits a solid enziguiri.
  • Naomi hits a very nice flying heel kick into the corner.
  • Fox with an axe kick to the back. It’s over.

WINNER: Alicia Fox

–That’s how you book an ex-Diva’s champion, in Alicia Fox. Decent for what it was. Naomi never fails to impress.

CUT TO THE BACK:
Million Dollar Goldust is talking to Aksana about her deportation issues. Aksana gives her a sobb story.

Divas are back in the ring. They get to rock the mic and show their personality and stuff.

Naomi is first. No topic for her. She says she needs to vent. Naomi calls out Michael Cole. Naomi says she’s sick of his negativity. She says he’s not Jim Ross. Burn.

AJ’s topic is “Personal Ad”. She says she’s single. Her dream date is going back to her place, turning the lights down low, burning some candles and turning things on…like her X-Box. She can order pizza and then head to bed at 10pm. She’ll put her tag on twitter. Yikes but I’ll be checking Twitter later.

Kaitlyn: “Age before beauty”. Kaitlyn says that Vicky is like a fine wine or a fine cheese. She says that Dolph and her got together and bought her a gift, her favorite perfume, a tube of Ben Gay. Eh.

Aksana: “America”. Aksana thinks that America is the most beautiful country. I love the way she says “W-W-E”. She also give a shout out to Christopher Columbus. I just want her to say “W-W-E” again.

Maxine: “Disrespect”. She talks about how she was disrespected by Hornswaggle. She says she always ends up on top. She says that Kaitlyn disrespected Vicky and Dolph’s relationship and calls her a ‘homewrecker’.

–Not sure if they even mentioned who won the challenge. All I know is that Michael Cole got moded. Classic tool.

Rookie Challenge 3: Power of the Punch Challenge

Naomi’s first: 814. She double axe-handled it. She is told to hit it with one hand. She scores 801.

AJ: 362.

Kaitlyn: 5. She took a running head start and came up with that. She also used her tube of Ben Gay on her hitting arm. Funny in that CBS sitcom way.

Aksana: 666. She’s evil.

Maxine: 605.

Naomi wins the challenge.

AJ vs Aksana

  • AJ starts off like a little luchadore. Dope arm drop and a cute little running dropkick and Aksana is outside of the ring pouty-pouting in Goldust’s arms.
  • Aksana does a nice drop down elbow smash like her mentor.
  • AJ rolls her up with a modified front chancery-small package. One…two…three.

WINNER: AJ

Goldust tells Aksana that they have ‘options’. He tells her they can get married. Goldust gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him (with a deep Goldust breath). She says yes. It’s a shame this wasn’t on cable.

–AJ impressed like Naomi did earlier in the night. I hope the WWE keeps her so she can improve the quality of the matches for the Divas division.

–Overall, the show was okay for what it was. NXT is brain crack for the WWE Universe. It’s like a philly cheesesteak, where you know it isn’t good for you but you’re glad you ate it, and they didn’t hold back on the cheese.

10-05-10 WWE NXT SEASON 3 REVIEW

October 5, 2010

…now on WWE.com

Well, lets see if this pans out having this shit on the internets. It will be interesting to see if they post these episodes quicker on their website or youtube now that its strictly on their website.

Striker starts the show by bringing the rookies out to the stage where he runs down what tonight signifies and how winning immunity is important. Tonight’s first challenge… the bullride… He has the Bella’s come off the stage to show how the bull works. They get on at the same time and basically fuck this bull. After a handful of seconds they both fall off… its now the rookies turn…

Naomi – 12.5

Aksana – 17.9

AJ (with her kiddie cowboy hat) – 9.6

Jamie – 10.9

Maxine – 9.8

Kaitlyn – 10.0

Aksana wins something! At some point the bull lost his horns, what the fuck happened there!?

Damn we’re actually getting commercials here, its WWE commercials but still bowlshit.

Aksana w/Goldust and the Million Dollar Title vs. Maxine w/Alicia Fox

Back and forth match that doesn’t look too bad but maybe hits because my feed looks choppy. Maxine lands the lariat clothesline and goes for the pin but Aksana rolls through reversing the pin attempt for the win.

Winner: Aksana

Cole and Josh recap last nights RAW with Cena joining Nexus.

The next challeng is a Talent show… oh Christ.

Aksana’s is pushups… she does some spider man style pushups, it was kind of impressive actually.

Naomi’s talent is rapping. She busts a freestyle out of 1997.

AJ’s talent is going to kick Cole a personality… actually its flexibility. She does the splits and all sorts a shit that makes me want to take my pants off… wait what!?

Jamie’s talent is turning men on…!? She then tries to come onto Striker and plants one on him. Haha Striker = hard on.

Kaitlyn’s talent says she’s an artist and has an easel. She starts to draw something away from the camera and keeps looking back at Vicki. She draws a stick figure picture of Vicki with a big butt. She said she got her good on that canvas but cant wait to get her down on this canvas pointing to the ring.

Maxine apologizes to Hornswoggle for last week and dumping him. So she baked him a pie and wants him to come out. He of course comes out, she says she is sorry and wants him to take the pie. She then puts some on her figure and rubs it on his face. He then takes the pie and plants it right in her face! She looks good with white stuff on her face…huh!?

The crowd chooses Kaitlyn and her painting. She has 3 and AJ has three. So Striker makes the crowd choose and it seems like Kaitlyn has immunity.

They go to the sappy Make A Wish video. What? Did that come off like an asshole?

Goldust is in the back with Aksana, he’s rubbing the Million Dollar Belt. INS comes in and tells her she’s got 3 weeks to get her papers all wrapped up or she gets her ass deported. This dude calls her a Russian Trish Status.

They recap the relationship (or lack there) of between Vicki and Kaitlyn.

Vicki Guerrero w/Dolph Ziggler vs. Kaitlyn

Vicki is actually in a singlet. She’s actually smaller than she looks with clothes on. That or the internet subtracts 20 pounds…?! Vicki starts up with jumping jacks and stretches. Haha Vicki stalls with more stretches and looking like she is doing yoga. Things turn sour quick when they slap the shit out of each other. Vicki then rolls to the outside and pulls Kaitlyn out and rams her into the guard rail a couple of time! VICKI for DIVA’S CHAMP! Vicki brings her back into the ring and gets in her face ala Stone Cold! Kaitlyn then gets her head bounced off the turnbuckle a couple of time and choked on the ropes. She then yells at Ziggler than she’s a woman and Kaitlyn’s a girl. Haha Vicki is comedy when she tries to slam Kaitlyn and holds her back like she was just trying to lift Andre the Giant. Vicki then gets a slam for her trouble. Vicki gets in Ziggler’s face to help her but then Vicki gets rolled up for the pin. Kaitlyn then hugs Ziggler in front of Vicki and she is fucking pissed off. Ziggler tries to defend himself but she’s not hearing this shit. I gotta say, for someone who isn’t a wrestler, Vicki was at least entertaining.

Winner: Kaitlyn

We are back and Striker has the rookies at ringside, its elimination time and… JAMIE is eliminated!!!! Wow that’s a shocker! She thanks the fans and says that the rookies have worked hard. She’s broken up about it. I figured she would have at least made it a little while. Well at least she didn’t go into heel promo like the guys.

Well, the show was ok and not too unbearable to watch from my laptop. Lets hope they put this up on youtube for those days I am running late to sit in front of the laptop for this.

10-04-10 WWE RAW REVIEW (guest Johnny Knoxville)

October 4, 2010

The show starts right up with the Nexus coming down to the ring, they are all wearing Kool Aid smiles. Wade gets on the mic first, he says before they bring out the new member they have something they have to address. He identified who those assailants were, Harris and McGillicutty who are NOT part of the Nexus nor does he know these people. Wade is then pissed how Nexus could have fucked this all up but he’ll deal with later cause its celebration time! He then intro’s Cena who comes out to no music all sad faced n shit. Wade brings up what brought them to this moment and how this is the best thing to ever happen to him. Tarver brings up being clowned by Cena but the joke is on him now. Tarver has a gift and its an N armband. Cena takes it and mad dogs Tarver. Cena then takes off his own armband to boos from the crowd and reluctantly puts it on. Slater said the transition will be hard but they will all be here for him. He then gives Cena an “official” statement to read. He doesn’t want to read (cause he cant?) but Wade tells him he has to. He starts to read which states he is part of the Nexus and any of their enemies are his. How his fans should stand with him because your either Nexus or against us. Wade then announces Cena is in a tag match against Bourne and Henry and Cena gets to choose his partner. He gets in Tarver’s face again which is his choice. Wade said the match is right now!

John Cena & Michael Tarver vs. Evan Bourne & Mark Henry

Cena starts the match by offering his hand to Evan who ends up shaking it. Tarver yells at him to fight not shake hands, so Cena tags Tarver. Tarver spends most of the time in the ring while Henry and Bourne keep him cornered. Cena reaches for the tag but doesn’t make a huge effort to. Tarver gets close to a tag but Cena pulls away. Tarver gets close again and Cena pulls out a pen and starts signing autographs!? Henry then hits the World Strongest Slam and pins Tarver.

Winner: Mark Henry & Evan Bourne

Cena gets on the mic after and makes a statement of his own, he says he plans one doing one thing while a member of Nexus, destroying it from the inside! He then kicks Tarver out of the ring. Cena then follows Tarver to the outside and clotheslines the shit out of him. Where the fuck is Nexus!? Cena then pulls the steel steps apart and SLAMS Tarver on the steel steps! Come on Nexus, get your asses out there! The crowd chants one more time and Cena listens and SLAMS Tarver again on the steps. He then rolls Tarver into the ring, follows him in and clips his leg and puts Tarver in the STF. Tarver screams in pain until we get an email!… the GM says that if Cena lost he had to join the Nexus. Which he did and because he is a member he must take direction from Barrett and if he doesn’t, even though the GM wouldn’t like doing it he would have to FIRE Cena for violating the terms of the match. BAH! Sad faced Cena is back and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He takes a knee while the crowd chants for his ass. Sad face then hits the bricks. The crowd is chanting some shit but I cant make it out.

Natalya vs. Alicia Fox

No intros for either chick, they just come back from break and into the match. Natalya makes SHORT work of her with the Sharpshooter.

Winner: Natalya

We come back from break and Knoxville is in the back with the Melina and Gail Kim. Ryder comes in by he gets SLAMMED by that big ass hand from the commercial.

Cena is in the back looking at his new arm band when Josh comes in and asks him about either being Nexus or being fired. He said he cant be in the WWE. he then chases Harris and McGillicutty into the Nexus locker room. Wade stops him and says he saw what he did to Tarver and he has big plans for Cena.

Its Rock-Tober on WWE Classics on Demand… god damn do I miss that motherfucker!

We are back from break and United States Champion Daniel Bryan in the ring, no intro!? What the fuck dude!?

United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

Are you fucking kidding me with this fucking match!? Why is he taking on Sheamus right now, god damn you WWE! Needless today Sheamus comes out and pounds the shit out of Bryan so much the ref DQ’s his ass! Sheamus then hits the Razors Edge High Cross on Bryan… fucking stupid yo, they could have put anyone else in there except your US Champion!

Winner: Sheamus

Edge does the walk to the ring, he has to apologize to a laptop tonight… sigh.

The laptop podium is now in the ring with Michael Cole. Cole reads that the GM will not be communicating via that voice anymore but through Cole again. He then throws to the footage of last week where Edge flips out and beat the shit out of the laptop. Cole then reads that two things are going to happen, Edge will apologize and then he will make a huge announcement about the WWE Championship. Edge then comes out to the ring. Cole offers his hand but Edge isn’t shaking it. Edge says he isn’t apologizing and said he is on his crusade against things that are stupid, like the laptop and Cole who’s been stupid since 1997. He said he would rather listen to a recording of JR than Cole! Ha. He then says he’ll have some real attitude when he wins the WWE Title. An email comes in and Cole smiles, he says they are having a 20 battle royal and the winner gets Orton at Bragging Rights. Cole then reads that Edge isn’t in the battle royal because he has been TRADED to Smackdown! Thank fucking god! The crowd then chants SPEAR, SPEAR, SPEAR! Edge then says he’s thankful he doesn’t have to listen to this tool (Cole) and the stupid laptop. Cole is all pissed off because he is the official voice of the WWE and he deserves respect. Edge taughts beating up Cole until the Miz’s music hits. He comes out with Alex Riley. Miz says he wont do shit to Cole because he is the visionary who realized how awesome he was before anyone else. Ha! Cole takes off while Miz tells him everything will be ok. Edge calls Miz an Edge-wannabe. Edge says, you were a trench coat to the ring, check. One name, check. Money in the Bank, check. And Edge was using “Awesome” while Miz was still in high school popping zits! Ha. Miz they are nothing alike and Edge says that’s correct because he’s been WWE Champion. He then runs down all the things he’s done on RAW and how he’s never seen Miz talk to a girl, unless he counts Riley. Riley then calls Miz the future and not to talk to him that way. Edge then says Miz is awesome at tapping out to Daniel Bryan. The crowd then chimes in with “you tapped out”. Miz says that at the ppv he is going to either be wrestling for the title or leading Team RAW to victory so Edge can go off to SyFy and tell all of his new buddies that the Miz is awesome! Edge then calls Miz the WWE’s biggest jackass and then attacks Riley then Miz, sending Miz head first into the GM podium!! The laptop falls to the mat but Edge kicks it to the side while he sets up for the spear on Riley… He then hits that fucker with a Spear but then takes the SCF from Miz!!! Miz then looks down on Edge and says “have fun on Smackdown”. He poses and we are out of this segment.

Cena in the back with Nexus. Wade says Cena did him a favor by beating up on Tarver since he’s been looking to get rid of him for a while. He likes that about Cena. Wade wants Cena to help him win the battle royal tonight. Otunga says that if for some reason Wade gets eliminated, Cena has to help them win. Wade didn’t like that shit, shuts Otunga up and tells Cena to do what he is told or his ass is fired.

The Bella’s vs. LayCool

Oh Christ LayCool are mic’d. fuck they are talking through the match too. This cant be safe. The Bella’s do the switch and the Bella rolls up McCool for the pin. Painful.

Winners: The Bella’s

Knoxville in the back with Maryse, she thinks he sent the letters to Maryse. He said it isn’t then DiBiase comes out and he gets knocked out by the big ass hand! Maryse is pissed but then she gets knocked down by the big ass hand.

Johnny Knoxville comes down to the ring to cheers. People love a jackass. He shills the movie and tries to take off but its too late DiBiase and Maryse come out to the ring. Knoxville makes fun of DiBiase just to get bitch slapped and locked in the Million Dollar Dream. All of a sudden we get more from the stalker, all of a sudden GOLDUST is behind behind Ted and hits his spinning suplex on him!!!! FUCK YEAH PUSH GOLDUST!!! Goldust then says he doesn’t want Ted, he doesn’t want Maryse either, he wants the Million Dollar Title!!!!! YES! He’s making love to the title! Hahah!!! Finally they use Goldust again, this is good shit!

They remind us that NXT is tomorrow night on WWE.com. Lets see if this shit works!

Sad face Cena is in the back looking at his arm band again when Otunga comes in. He tells Cena that Nexus isn’t all back and how Wade can be a bit demanding. He says its not the end and if he ever needs to talk, he is there for him… no homo.

They recap what happened to Jericho last week. Fuck man is there going to be ANY matches tonight?!!? I would fucking be pissed to be there live and just see a bunch of jibber jabber.

20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal for the #1 Contender spot

Participants: Morrison, Truth, Santino, Kozlov, Sheamus, Cena’s (his music hits but stops and Nexus comes out with Cena trailing behind), Miz, Regal, DiBiase, Kidd, Smith, Primo, Young, Henry, Bourne, Ryder. Bourne is out first like a bitch, then Smith. Two for Sheamus so far. Cena gets rid of Regal. Miz gets rid of Santino. Henry throws Ryder over, then Primo. Henry goes to throw over Wade but Cena makes the save! Nexus beat up on Henry and dump him over. Nexus get in Cena’s face and Cena throws over Otunga! Cena yells he’s not you meaning the agreement was to help Wade only. They argue while the rest of the locker room fights on and we go to commercial. We are back and the herd has been thinned out. Wade got rid of Kozlov during the break and Gabriel and Slater got rid of Young. Cena keeps fighting people off of Wade, guarding him in the corner. Morrison clotheslines Slater over the top rope. Wade in trouble while Cena was in trouble but Cena fights DiBiase off to help Barrett. Morrison now eliminates Kidd. Morrison eliminates MIZ! Truth kicks over Gabriel. DiBiase throws over Truth. Wade throws over DiBiase. Its Morrison, Sheamus, Cena and Barrett! Morrison eliminates himself when kicking Barrett on the ring apron. Cena is beating on Sheamus before Sheamus lands the back breaker on him. Sheamus gets eliminated by Cena!!! Its Barrett and Cena left! The crowd is going ape shit but Wade gives the order for Cena to go. The crowd is losing their shit! Cena thinks about it while he stares at Barrett and gets in his face but reluctantly goes over the top rope onto the apron, pauses then hits the floor!

Winner: Wade Barrett is the #1 Contender!

Randy Orton’s music then hits and the champion comes out to the ring, they circle while they stare. Orton holds up the title while they are face to face and the show is over.

I have to say although there was barely ANY matches tonight it was an exciting show working off the Cena/Nexus angle, sending Edge to Smackdown, Goldust going after the Million Dollar Belt and Barrett becoming #1 contender. Good shit tonight, hate that there wasn’t a lot of matches but good shit none the less.