12-01-14 WWE RAW: CYBER MONDAY

by

new-raw

-tonight’s guest general manager is the return of the fucking laptop… for those of you who don’t know this mysterious laptop was the GM a couple of years ago. It was revealed that it was Hornswoggle was the unanimous person running the laptop so how they are going back to this well is beyond me…

-Michael Cole reads the first message from the lap top… but he’s cut off by Mr. “can’t do no wrong” John Cena. He shits on the lap top GM and Brock Lesnar before recapping what happened on the Survivor Series, how they got the Authority out of power, Big Show being a sellout and his team working so hard. Another email interrupts Cena… Cena goes over to the laptop and shuts it, not letting the lap top run shit. This then brings out Seth Rollins with his security team, Mercury and Noble. Rollins and Cena banter back and forth about shit that doesn’t matter before bringing up how Rollins pinned Cena at the Survivor Series to eliminate him. Rollins then shits on all this general manager shit including bringing up JBL, Batista and Eric Bischoff as other GM’s… They then bicker about bringing the Authority back. Cena then walks Rollins to ask nicely to bring the Authority back… then wants him to get down on one knee… the laptop chimes but Cena is ignoring it. Michael Cole reads this email… Cena vs. Rollins in a tables match at TLC and if Cena loses, he loses his title shot against Brock Lesnar. Before Cole could finish this email, Rollins, Mercury, Noble and Kane jump Cena. Ryback came in to clean house before getting taken down by Kane with a chair. Erick Rowan then came in to add to this mess, followed by Big Show who drove Rowan into the steel steps. Ziggler then came out sending Show into the steel post. He then brought out a ladder but got taken down by Luke Harper. At the end, Show would knock out Cena. That lead to the triple power bomb (ala the Shield) by Rollins, Mercury and Noble. LONG opener… but luckily this would be the last time we’d here from the laptop thankfully.

-So, I might be making shit up but we come back from break and Cena (selling being concussed and) is being helped back by this medic who I believe was the one CM Punk spoke about in his interview with Colt Cabana…

-A “tag team turmoil” match took place new for the #1 contender spot… Goldust & Stardust would start this gauntlet match against The New Day members Big E & Kofi. New Day had some decent tag team moves and put away the Dust Brothers with their finisher. Still think it was an odd way to debut this team on RAW. The next team out was Tyson Kidd and… Cesaro?? Jesus Christ you people need to figure out what do to with this dude already! During the match the Dust Brothers attacked Xavier Woods which lead to the roll up by Kidd for the pin. The next team out was the Uso’s who the crowd was heavily into. Uso’s would then eliminate Kidd & Cesaro with a splash off the top rope. The last team was… Adam Rose and the bunny… sigh… they didn’t get along and that lead to the Uso splash off the top for the pin, they become the #1 contenders. Match was ok, didn’t really have the spots to warrant so many teams being involved.

-Naomi watched the match in the back before Miz and MIZdow show up. Miz is trying to turn Naomi as he’s offering her opportunities in Hollywood…

-Vince McMahon shows up in the back in his limo for his interview with Stone Cold Steven Austin…

-that new back stage guy “interviews” Erick Rowan while putting over how smart this dude actually is… sigh.

-Big Show was out next for his match with Erick Rowan. This was a brawl. Michael Cole and JBL spent most of the time trying to get the nickname of “Big Red” for Rowan. Show was DQ’d for using the steel steps on Rowan.

-The graphic for the main event 6 man match was incorrect and had Rowan and Show in the match and not Ziggler and Harper…

-Renee walks into Vince in the back. He puts over this podcast with Stone Cold tonight. She asked about the Authority, he says that’s up to Cena not him.

-Fandango was out for his match with Jack Swagger… but Swagger didn’t show up… they cut to the back and Colter is favoring his leg while Swagger looks over him. Fandango was awarded the match by forfeit…

-Rusev and Lana then came out while Fandango celebrated to brag about Rusev’s win in the battle royal last week, etc. Rusev then takes credit for taking out Colter. Swagger interrupted this for the brawl. Swagger got the best of this exchange.

-Damien MIZdow with The Miz took on Fernando who was accompanied by El Torito… Sandow was heavily over. He made short work of Fernando with the figure four… he got that move over that Miz ever could. Out of nowhere Jimmy Uso knocks Miz on his ass and told him to stay away from his wife…

-Slammy’s are back next week… as is Seth Green…

-Bray Wyatt took on R-Truth…!? Come on man, is this really how we want to put on at the 1:45 mark…!? Forward job to the end… Sister Abigail for the pin. After the match Wyatt fills the ring with chairs, ladders and tables while calling for Ambrose. This wasn’t over as after the break Wyatt was STILL out cutting a promo on…fuck if I know man, I’m tired and just want to finish this show. Ambrose finally showed up and these two brawled all over ringside teasing spots with the crap around the ring. Ambrose won this exchange by lastly destroying Wyatt’s rocking chair.

-The Bella’s took on AJ and WWE App poll winner Naomi. The fact that the Bella’s are back together without any real explanation racks my brain. It’s even more odd that Nikki is kind of still selling heelish shit on her sister as Brie just smiled like no big deal. Some “CM Punk” chants during the match that were kind of replaced by “AJ Lee” chants… sounded planted. AJ got the hot tag which lead to AJ putting Nikki in the black widow which she tapped out to.

-Mick Foley played Santa Claus shilling WWE merch. He had some blonde with him, I think it was one of his kids. It’s scary how well he looks like Santa.

-Paul Heyman was live via satellite to talk about the stip added to Cena’s TLC match where he can lose his Title shot. Heyman compares Brock being around all the time like having Christmas every day of the year, like having WrestleMania every Monday Night. He goes over Cena’s chances of getting through Rollins at TLC and his chances of beating Cena. He goes over other guys who could be #1 contender naming Rollins, Taker and Sting. Solid promo by Heyman as always.

-Finally main event time… Cena, Ziggler & Ryback vs. Rollins, Harper & Kane. Match was slow paced for the most part. Typical 6 man match that we’ve seen a lot of recently. The end of the match finally picked up the pace. Ziggler finally got the pin on Harper. After the match a brawl broke out between the six which lead to Big Show and Rowan (who carried around the steel steps) joining this mess. Show would then take an AA before taking the steel steps by Rowan… this is kind of nuts how Rowan is getting people behind him.

-one last push for Stone Cold’s podcast… Just finished the live podcast. Its interesting seeing Vince so open about parts of the business. He did address CM Punk and even apologized for firing him on his wedding day. He’s also open to working with him again. He came off pretty well in this part. Vince then shit on the current roster making it sound like they don’t want to try hard enough… odd. Its a good listen so I suggest seeking it out.

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