08-11-14 WWE RAW

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new-raw

RAW, brought to you by the WWE Network for… $9.99….

 

-Although its “Hulk Hogan’s birthday celebration night”, we start off RAW with Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar who’s wearing his “Eat Sleep Conquer Repeat” shirt but repeat is covered with John Cena’s name. Heyman is solid as usual selling us on why Brock will beat John Cena, this included footage of defeating the streak. The shocked Undertaker fan got a huge pop! Haha Heyman listed a who’s who on people that Brock has taken out. He even showed footage of Cena’s win against Brock back in 2012 but he explains Brock was only at 50% at that point in time, not 100% like now. Heyman then busts a rhyme… no really, haha! Fucking Paul Heyman! Good shit.

 

-Since it is Hogan’s birthday we get birthday wishes from celebs like Flo Rida and Weird Al…

 

Roman Reigns vs. AxelBack  

-Kane came out in a suit before the match, he’s Kane the Accountant once again… he announced that this match would be a handicap match against AxelBack… remember when Ryback would wrestle handicap matches… Roman would hold his own in this match until Axelback double teamed Reigns sending him into the corner post several times, this caused the DQ. Roman would make a comeback after the fact returning the beating to both Ryback and Curtis Axel. Both would take superman punches before the crowd chanted for spears which they both got as well. Renee Young then conducted a in-ring interview with Reigns, before he could talk the crowd cheered and chanted for him.

Winner: Reigns by DQ

 

-in the back Randy Orton yaps Kane’s ear about what Reigns just said. Kane lets Orton know he’s got a match with Sheamus tonight.

 

Rob Van Damn vs. Seth Rollins

-His of course was the match we didn’t get last week. Rollins got “you sold out” chants right as the match started, Portland seems lively tonight. Match when back and forth until RVD went to do the leg drop onto the barricade only to have Rollins move out of the way, ouch. Not long after, Rollins hit the curb stomp for the pin. After the match Rollins went up to the presents on the stage wrapped in Hogan colors… rightfully so as Ambrose popped out of one and beat on Rollins back to the ring until Rollins ran out through the crowd. Ambrose then cut a promo about their lumberjack match… he threw in the $9.99 bit for the Network… sigh.

Winner: Rollins

 

-Stephanie McMahon was out next and bought out Daniel Bryan’s physical therapist to the ring. Steph is trying to get her to admit something… this chick is as bad as Claire Lynch… she claims to be having an affair with Bryan… Steph consoles here before Brie comes out to confront Claire… I mean Megan… Steph keeps poking the bear here by claiming that Bryan called Brie a “dead fish” and how Megan would scream YES! after his therapy sessions… Megan gets slapped and Steph takes a spear for the cat fight. Brie then gets the YES lock on Steph before Jamie Noble, Fit Finlay and Joey Mathews pull them apart. Steph then tells Brie that they are not waiting for SummerSlam and this is happening tonight… So let me get this straight… Brie has basically taken Bryan’s chants, finisher and gear…?

 

-more shout outs for Hogan… this time it was from football players.

 

Jack Swagger w/Zeb Colter vs. Cesaro

-Cesaro got NO intro… boy have the tides have changed in the last couple of months… sucks for Cesaro… this was actually a pretty good back and forth match. These guys worked really well together. Cesaro would finally tap out to the ankle lock. After the match Colter cut a promo but was cut off before saying his signature “we the people” line when Rusev and Lana came out and waved their flag on the stage.

Winner:  Swagger

 

-Michael Cole conducted a sit down interview early today with Jericho and Wyatt… well he introduced them before Wyatt sent him away… this was actually quite enjoyable, both had great deliveries to their promos. This was an out of the box style way to cut promos, good stuff.

 

Diva’s Champion AJ vs. Eva Marie

-luckily for us Paige came out skipping shortly after this match started… unlucky for us Eva Marie rolls up AJ for the pin… what. the. fack. Paige the cut a promo from the stage, a poem… boy, it sure is a rhyming show tonight… after that AJ beat the shit out of Eva Marie. This was a long time coming for Eva Marie, pay your dues little lady…

Winner: Eva Marie

 

-John Cena was out next to retort Paul Heyman’s promo from earlier in the night. He’s got a new t-shirt and color combo… red and yellow… hmph… quite Hulkster-esque… Cena claims that Brock will not win this Sunday and how isn’t laying down for him because he doesn’t deserve the championship. He brings up people wondering when he will turn and dope all this shirt and bullshit. He says on Sunday we see a Cena that he’s not proud of because he’s keeping Brock’s hands off the championship. Cena then called Brock out to kick him out of Brock’s “house”. He actually got the crowd to turn and cheer for him but he didn’t get Brock. He then says that he will be the 1 to beat the 1. Decent promo by Cena but it still felt he was “acting” and not feeling. He’s pulled off feeling but tonight wasn’t it.

 

-Hogan gets shout outs from Larry King and some country band…

 

Brie Bella vs. Stephanie McMahon

-Brie almost tripped to the way to the ring… Steph came out in her street clothes and has excuses why this isn’t happening tonight. She claims this Megan Miller is pressing charges because Brie slapped her… the tides have turned… these dudes are terrible fake cops, they cart her off…

Winner: nope.

 

Heath Slater vs. Dolph Ziggler

-Miz is on commentary… again for a Ziggler match… match didn’t go long… Ziggler hit the zig zag only to have Miz interfere leading to Ziggler to chase Miz around the ring for the count out. Ziggler came in to offer his hand to Slater, he tired to kick Ziggler so instead he took another zig zag…

Winner: Slater by countout.

 

Randy Orton vs. United States Champion Sheamus

-good match between these two and the crowd was definitely into it. Not much more to say than that. End came when Sheamus came off the top and got caught in an RKO for the pin.

Winner: Orton

 

-the commercial for the Cena vs. Brock on the Network made me laugh, Brock isn’t filtering shit. They might bleep him but there is a lot of fuck-it in his system. Going to need to watch that.

 

-Hulk Hogan’s birthday bash was next… basically at the top of the 3rd hour so this isn’t going long. Superstars were all on the stage for this. This was host by Mean Gene and Jimmy Hart who introduce Hogan. The Hulkster gets a video package on his life and career. Solid package. Hulk sounded emotional at this package and this reaction from the crowd. Hogan then cuts a promo… and yeah, plugged the Network too…god dammit… Hogan thanks everyone for all this… Ric Flair is out as is Mr. Wonderful (still sporting this weird mustache), Rowdy Roddy Piper and Hall and Nash in their nWo shirts. Hall gives us a “hey yo” and took a survey on what colors Hogan looks better in which lead to Hogan ripping off his shit and exposing his nWo shirt. Nash then leads the happy birthday song… before Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman interrupt the party! Brock eye fucks all these guys in the ring before Heyman asks “whatcha gonna do Hulkster”. Lesnar tells Hogan that the party is over grandpa which lead to a stare down before Cena came out… it looks like things are about to break down with Cena and Lesnar before Brock smiles and walks off.

 

-FINALLY the WWE Network is used to push what happens after RAW as Jerry Lawler tells us to go to the network to see the rest of the Hogan celebration… you should be doing this shit every week!

-AFTER RAW: Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil bring Hogan a cake… they end up spilling this cake on each other. We get another Cake and guess what the candles say… yeah, 9.99… but guess what if we’re watching this we know how much the fucking network is… everyone sings happy birthday again, crowd WOOO’s between lines. Hogan’s music then starts up while confetti and balloons is dropped in the arena. He poses as the announce team bitches about being drowned in confetti. haha

 

 

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