12-23-13 WWE RAW “CHRISTMAS”

by

new-raw

BAH-HUM-BUG!

-Santa Henry and Santa Sandow start the show with a video package of them reading a fable about Christmas and shit like that… stupid. The RAW stage looked like a bad mall Santa set…

 

-the new McMahon’s come out with Kane and some unidentified dude… Kane is handing out canes… fuck my life… Steph and Hunter go on about making their employees donate their time to the holidays n shit. They push this Bad vs. Good Santa bullshit. This will be the first time I say this but Randy Orton thankfully kills this segment by coming out with his belts. He wishes us holiday stuff and thanks the new McMahon’s for being behind him and give them a gift… himself. They triple hug while Kane the Accountant watches like an evil pervert. Kane brings this home by doing the corner pyro… oh boy, this is going to be an annoying show isn’t it…

 

12 Diva Jingle Bells Match

Total Divas vs. other Divas

-AJ’s on commentary and not part of this mess. Vicki is in this match… WTF? Cole thinks Rosa Mendes was in the match… it was Summer Rae. AJ calls him out on this. this mess breaks down and this do some weird do-see-do clothesline… Natalya wins this bullshit with the sharpshooter on Aksana. Fuck this night sucks so far.

Winner: Total Divas

 

Curtis Axel vs. Sin Cara

-Sin Cara has a split screen promo where he is speaking English… fairly short jobberish match. SC wins with the swanton

Winner: Sin Cara

 

-Santa Sandow segment with a little girl sitting on his lap… I’m going to leave it at that…

 

-fucking Big Show is back to doing fucking retarded bullshit as he is playing baby new year for next weeks promo… son of a bitch.

 

-looks like the WWE has moved things up because they just announced Batista coming back on January 20th! They must have panicked after the news got out.

 

-Bad News Barrett panders for money on some street corner like a homeless dude… maybe a fortune of his future.

 

-pretty cool Wyatt promo aired on what they are going to do with Bryan before showing what they actually did to Bryan on Smackdown throwing him back first off a loading dock.

 

Daniel Bryan & WWE Tag Team Champions Goldust & Cody Rhodes vs. The Wyatt Family

-decent 6 man match. Bray and Harper should do the tag team duties and just keep Rowan at ringside. He actually brought back the claw tonight. Bryan got the hot tag which this crowd was heavily into. This one goes for a while with Bray hitting sister Abigail on Cody for the win. After the match the Wyatt’s beat on Bryan… but leave him enough to see what they could have done to him. odd. If they have Bryan join the Wyatt’s I’m going to be pissed.

Winner: Wyatt’s

 

-Santa Henry video from last week is shown where this fucking kid brings up Christmas being canceled… I’m a grown man blogging about this bowlshit folks…

 

-more Bad News Barrett begging for money… gee, what are the chances this ends with him pocketing the money. #predictable.

 

-poor Renee Young is hosting a Christmas Caroling contest, with Woods (who has a decent voice) and Truth, 3MB, Khali and Santino…. Khali sounds like he’s got mental problems, holy shit. The crowd picks Santino and mega deaf Khali. This ends with a brawl eliminating 3MB so they can finish singing songs… I want to pull my ears out followed by my eyes.

 

Christmas Present on a Pole Match

Fandango w/Summer Rae vs. Dolph Ziggler

-why does it seem like Vince Russo is booking all of Ziggler’s matches lately…!? Apparently the gift is a shot at the IC title next week. This match was more stiff than it should have been… At the end Ziggler gets thrown off the top rope setting up for Fandango to pull down this present.

Winner: Fandango

 

Primetime Players vs. The Uso’s

-terrible promo before the match by the PTP’s. Young got the city wrong off the bat… this would get a “this is Austin” chant mid match, as well as a “Houston sucks” chant. the Uso’s kept bringing up the flub by Young during the match yelling out “AUSTIN”… Young took an Uso splash (with a Rudolph nose) for the pin. All 4 do the PTP move even though they were holding up Young like Weekend at Bernie’s to do this.

Winners: Uso’s

 

-they bring up that The Rock is the top grossing actor for 2013.

 

Battle for Christmas

Santa Sandow vs. Santa Henry

-this was a glorified hardcore match with a toilet, fire extinguisher and a candy cane kendo stick… Sandow finally took a world strongest slam for the pin…  Sandow took cupcakes to the face after the match. I fucking hate the holiday wrestling shows.

Winner: Henry

 

-Renee in the back with Punk who goes over his plan against The Shield teaming with Cena and Big E who he brings out. hokey punts before they do the Shield fist pose to end this segment.

 

Real American’s w/Zeb Colter vs. Los Matadores w/El Torito

-Colter shocks us with the news that Santa is an illegal immigrant. Torito is a white bull tonight… Cesaro gets a 24 swings on one of the Matadors but they pull the switch and almost get a pin on the American’s. Cesaro gets gored at ringside but the midget while Swagger takes a splash off the top for the pin.

Winner: Matadores

 

Kofi Kingston vs. Ryback

-longer than it should have been. Shellshock for the pin.

Winner: Ryack

 

-so over this night…

 

-fucking Bad News Barrett is now at his podium at ringside… he’s keeping the money, shocker…

 

-backstage Shield promo about their match tonight with Cena, Punk and Langston. Good stuff.

 

CM Punk, Intercontinental Champion Big E Langston & John Cena vs. The Shield

-Cena started off strong which lead to Punk being cornered by the Shield. Big E gets the hot tag taking out the Shield on his own. This breaks down and everyone is hitting moves on their opponents. This leads to Big E hitting the big ending on Ambrose only to have the Shield break it up causing the DQ. After the match Big E almost took the super bomb only to have Punk hit the GTS and Cena the AA. Main event was good but there was a lot of BS on this show leading to this match.

Winner: Punk, Langston & Cena via DQ

 

 

 

 

 

 

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