05-06-13 WWE RAW

by

new-raw

Triple H is going to need the maid to stay overtime tonight… 

-Recap of what happened earlier today with Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman showing up to WWE headquarters and destroying the place. Also Ryback, Cena and the Shield is recapped.

 

-John Cena opened the show, pointing to his ankle showing he’s “ok”… Cena is trying to steal Daniel Bryan’s “YES” and “NO” again in his promo… of course he’s got bad jokes too. He tries to play off serious talking about Ryback and the ppv before Vicki Guerrero interrupts to tells Cena that his match at the ppv has a stip. Ryback then comes out to get made fun of by Cena… they banter back and forth before Ryback chooses a Last Man Standing match… oh no.

 

-Cole, Lawler and JBL recap the pictures being sent from WWE headquarters involving Heyman and Lesnar.

 

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

-Sandow comes out putting words to Orton’s music while making fun of him, funny shit! Match started off with Orton dominating Sandow. Mid match really slowed down but the end picked up with RKO hitting an RKO to finish off Sandow. Cole keeps trying to convince us that this a “new” more “aggressive” Orton. During this Orton gets blindsided by Big Show on the stage. Cole, Lawler and JBL just look bored.

Winner: Orton

 

-Fandango with a dancer (not Summer Rae) practicing their moves. They are playing some other song during this… they didn’t change his music already did they!!?

 

-Chris Jericho is out next. We get a recap from 2 weeks ago when Y2J danced with Fandango’s lady. Good reaction for him here. He’s got a panel tonight to critique Fandango’s match… he’s got Brodus Clay & Tensai…

 

Fandango vs. R-Truth

-this panel rated Fandango’s entrance which he didn’t like, calling Jericho “Christopher”. They rated Truth’s dance moves during the match which discouraged Fandango who walks off.

Winner: Truth by countout

 

-Recap of Bryan vs. Ryback from Smackdown, that was a good match. Bryan is asked about his beat down by the Sheild and challenges Ryback. He walks up and denies Bryan this match. Kane then comes up on Ryback but he isn’t fazed by him either.

 

-Cole announces we’re getting Ryback vs. Kane tonight.

 

Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. World Champion Dolph Ziggler w/AJ & Big E Langston

-crowd chants loud for Ziggler, almost looks like it takes him by surprise. Haha mid match Swagger and Colter head down to the ring for commentary. Del Rio gets a reverse facing superplex on Ziggler that was impression. Del Rio almost gets the submission when AJ cause the distraction. Langston then throws ADR into Swagger who’s still seated. Swagger flips his shit and beats on both these dudes and Ricardo with a ladder.

Winner: Del Rio by DQ…?

 

-more photos of Heyman and Lesnar invading WWE headquarters.

 

-the WWE is now doing deals with Yahoo… like they need more places for their content right now… #overload.

 

-Kaitlyn with Cameron and Naomi in the back when Kaitlyn gets a text from this mystery dude who’s hitting on her. She references Ralfie from the Simpsons with his “I choo choo choose you” valentine card… they all walk off and the Bella’s walk into the shot looking like they are conspiring.

 

The Shield vs. United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. The Uso’s

-No intro for Kofi or the Uso’s. During the early going, there was a “let’s go Shield” chant. Kofi did get a hot tag in but it was all for not. Ambrose’s finisher is a forward DDT, it was kinda dope! He did most the work in this match. Reigns got a stiff clothesline on the outside that was pretty nice. Don’t hold a title in the WWE, you always lose. haha

Winner: The Shield

 

Antonio Cesaro vs. Zack Ryder

-is Cesaro wearing a beret to the ring now?! Cesaro got one of Kofi’s dookie braids. Short match. Cesaro cuts a promo after the match. He craps on all the WWE tv shows.

Winner: Cesaro

 

-Paul Heyman is seen being mic’d via satellite. He’s just eye fucking the kid who’s putting the mic on him. subtle and dope work by Heyman. After the break with get Paul who cuts to the footage he’s filmed from earlier. Paul shits on the Extreme Rules poster with Sheamus on it and the Andre the Giant memorabilia. They go up the elevator while Heyman whistles Fandango’s theme as Brock eye fucks some dude in a suit. Paul then says, “no one here seems happy”… oh shit! Haha! Brock eye fucks a Rock poster, oh damn planting seeds? They go up to the fourth floor to find no Brock posters. Paul is making fun that the offices are empty. Some assistant tries to say something to Brock only to get paint brushed. They walk into Triple H’s “office”. He takes the World Title replica off the wall and sits in the chair with it. Brock then rips a laptop in half! Nice visual affect. Heyman is pumping him up when Brock takes the sledgehammer off the wall and fucks up this World Title, desk and anything in sight! Fuck! oh shit Paul Heyman drops his business card on the ground before the walk off. Yes, it said “I’m a Paul Heyman Guy” on it. haha. Heyman talks up Brock saying that he’s going to beg Brock to take HHH apart. He was posing with the fucked up World Title when Triple H comes out to the ring. He actually gets chant. HHH has hair jokes… stupid. HHH tries to put himself over a big deal and extreme… Hunter says he has 2 offices the one that got torn up and the one he’s standing in now. Cheesy. He panders and gets more chants.

 

AJ & The Bella’s vs. Diva’s Champion Kaitlyn, Naomi & Cameron

-didn’t watch, AJ got pinned but Kaitlyn… I think.

Winner: Kaitlyn, Cameron & Naomi

 

-Brodus Clay movie preview.

 

-P. Diddy wants us to B.A. STAR…

 

-Henry comes out to cut a promo on Sheamus. He leads the crowd in a WHAT chant before calling the crowd puppets. Sheamus comes down, they banter and are about to get into it when Wade Barrett comes out for the next match…

 

Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

-Mark Henry is on commentary. This almost breaks down before Henry takes a brogue kick on the outside. Sheamus finally wins this with a brogue kick. After the match Henry whoops Sheamus with a belt. Henry yells out “whoop you like you stole something”, fuck!

Winner: Sheamus

 

WWE Tag Team Champion Kane vs. Ryback

-match was ok. Kane got cut off on the top setting up for Ryback to pick him up in the shellshock. The Sheild’s music hits and Ryback bounces while Bryan comes out to help his buddy. Cena then joins Bryan in the ring as the Shield circle. Ryback comes in with a chair and takes down Cena with it during this mêlée

Winner: Ryback

 

-this felt like a looooong show with very few high lights….

 

 

 

 

 

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