WWE RAW 01-28-13

by

new-raw

ANDDDD the aftermath of the Rumble leads too…..

…Here comes the pain again!

-Puma and I are in the WWE signature opener… we’re in the first shot from WrestleMania 28. We’re waving, can’t you see us??

-they recap the Royal Rumble, Cena won as did Rock. Predictable but a night solid night nonetheless.

-Vicki welcomes us to RAW Roulette, she’s got three wheels… uh what?? they all got all kinds of shit on them. She puts Orton vs. Cesaro in a…. special ref match…

-after that Punk’s music hits and he’s got a furious walk going on. He claims its 435 of his title reign and that he’s the new peoples champion because he did not lose and that he got screwed. Punk does look weird without the title now, interesting. After his rant Vince comes out while Punk is shit talking him even before he could get a word in. Vince claims he’s got proof Punk and Heyman are aligned with the Shield.

Roulette Match Stip: Guest ref, The Miz

Randy Orton vs. United States Champion Antonio Cesaro

-special guest ref is The Miz, sometimes they are too obvious. Miz comes out in a ref shirt, he looks too much like a ref. Maybe time for a career change? During the match we get a twitter ticker on the bottom of the screen, oh man. Orton still get decently cheered, they really want to change this dude? Cesaro and Miz argue during the match to the point that it cost him the match with an RKO. Match dragged a little bit. After the match Miz gives Cesaro the SCF, geez.

Winner: Orton

-the wheel spins in the back and it lands on make me laugh, Ryback was with Vicki… oh no…

Roulette Segment: Make Me Laugh

Ryback vs. Primetime Players

-PTP’s have a dumb joke, Ryback’s joke isn’t really a joke but leads to him beating on the PTP’s and hitting the meat hook and the shell shock on Titus. Vegas loved Ryback, good crowd so far. Striker made the mistake of touching Ryback and he takes a shell shock too. See, you can have a good guy that doesn’t tell stupid jokes and everyone can enjoy.

Winner: Ryback?

-Bob Backlund Halll of Fame video package is shown, good stuff. I did dig the heel Backlund in the 90’s.

-Vicki spins one of the three wheels in the back and Wade Barrett gets players choice.

Roulette Match: Players Choice

Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs. Bo Dallas

-This match was Barrett’s choice, he chose Bo Dallas who threw his ass out of the Royal Rumble match.

Dallas has a good Ricky Steamboat style arm drags. Dallas gets the upset victory with a power slam type move in this fairly quick match. wow!

Winner: Dallas

-wheel spins in the back and Cody’s got Cena tonight… whoopee….

-I’m not going to lie, I’m a sucker for a Die Hard movie.

-Cena is on the cover of the Fruity Pebbles cereal box, no really. What the fuck??

 

Roulette Match

Cody Rhodes vs. John Cena

-Although Cody had a good showing in the Rumble it doesn’t matter. He attempts to leave during the match but Cena stops him, goes through the 5 moves of death and beats Cody.

Winner: Cody

-After the match this clown gloats about his win last night in the Rumble. He then starts to talk about how he gets to choose between champions. During this he gets a decent “Cena sucks” chant. He questions CM Punk or The Rock going to WrestleMania as WWE Champion and barely talks about the World Championship except to make it sound like his odds were better to take on that Champion. We know who he chooses, let’s move on. #TwiceInALifeTime oh wait, The Shield are out through the crowd and beat on Cena. Sheamus tries to make the save but he gets his ass kicked too. Ryback tries his chances and gets triple teamed as well. Cena takes the Shield Bomb and The Shield stands strong once again! Dope.

-Vicki in the back spins and we’re getting a Lingerie Pillow Fight with… Tensai vs. Clay… oh come on… Tensai walks off and Vicki tells Clay this isn’t going to happen so she has him spin another wheel, ths one lands on Dance Off. Clay mentions telling Tensai about this before bouncing. Dodged that shit… I hope.

-Royal Rumble finally gets its on fan fest. Long time overdue.

Roulette Match: Lingerie Pillow Fight Dance Off

Brodus Clay vs. Tensai

-So apparently Clay didn’t get the word to Tensai and this fool is wearing lingerie… what the fuck man. Lawler (who sounds like he legit laughs) tells Tensai of the change in match and he wasn’t happy… Clay dances first followed by Lawler telling Tensai that this shit is staying in Vegas. He even asks The King to promise that. Haha that part was funny. Tensai is then begins to dance doing a broken robot, gangnam style, start the lawnmower.. wow, I think we have a new tag team… haha Oh shit, funniest part was Ron Simmons in the back watching on the TV to get in a DAMN! Tensai leaves covering his head.

Winner: Clay?

-Anyhow we go right to the back where Del Rio is spinning the wheel and he gets a Body Slam Challenge… with The Big Show.

Roulette Wheel: Body Slam Challenge

World Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show

-None of these Roulette matches are going well. This one is more Big Show beating up on Ricardo and Del Rio. Alberto gets duct taped to the ropes and has to watch Big Show destroy Rodriguez. The went a little too long then gets a recap after the break..

Winner: no contest

Roulette Match: Showgirls Lumber Jills Match

Diva’s Champion Kaitlyn vs. Tamina

-Yup all the diva’s at ringside are dressed as Vegas showgirls… this of course turns into a showgirl brawl in the ring while Tamina and Kaitlyn watch on…

Winner: no contest?

-worst. Roulette. Wheel. Night. ever.

-Justin Roberts intros the new WWE Champion The Rock. Still the same fucking crappy belt, oh well I guess that was wishful thinking. It’s a little nostalgic to see the Rock with the championship again, shit belt has his name on it! Rock got a nice reaction from Vegas. Sounded like the Rock said “Los Vegas”…? Rock talked about his previous championships in his career and how this was his proudest moment. CM Punk interrupts Rock’s celebration, shits on Vegas and says how Rock should give him the title back because he was cheated. Rock threatens Punk to come down to the ring and if he doesn’t he’s a punk ass bitch. Punk decides to be the punk ass bitch and shit talks how Rock is only here on Mondays basically. Looks like we’re getting a rematch at the Elimination Chamber.

-Heyman has a performance review tonight, great.

Roulette Match: Tables Match

Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow

-this wheel spin happened on the WWE app, still not doing this during the breaks. I thought this was a good match, hard hitting. They gave a good amount of time to Sandow keeping Sheamus grounded. Ending came with a white noise threw a table in the corner, that looked cool! Hey look this match had an ending!

Winner: Sheamus

-We’re getting an Intercontinental Cup on Main Event, sweet I love tournaments!

Roulette Match: WWE Karaoke

Zack Ryder vs. Great Khali w/Natalya & Hornswoggle

-Khali gets HBK’s sexy boy, I feel like I am watching a deaf man try to sing. That bought out 3MB to proclaim that THEY are music before this turns into a “brawl”… 3MB lose this and Hornswoggle gets a tadpole off the top on Mahal.

Winner: I have no idea what I just watched.

-Y2J does the walk in the back! YAY! After the break Jericho comes down to the ring to a nice Y2J chant. WWE fans LOVE a comeback. We get a RAW is JERICHO! He’s full blown good guy, which is what he should be. Ziggler, AJ and Langston interrupt. This poor briefcase is beat to shit. Ziggler talks about sending Y2J home last summer and how AJ was GM during that time. Vicki interrupts Ziggler on the tron and she resigned Jericho. She then spins the wheel and we get a Strange Bedfellows match… basically they are teaming together against Team Hell No!

Roulette Match: Strange Bedfellows

WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No vs. Chris Jericho & Dolph Ziggler w/AJ & Big E Langston

-During the match Ziggler and Jericho play up their animosity with Ziggler teasing a tag. I want to see a Bryan/Jericho program. Bryan and Kane end up arguing during the match and pushing each other around. Ziggler makes the blind tag and Jericho doesn’t like that so he hits Kane from behind and bounces making it look like Ziggler hit him. This leads to Kane choke slamming Ziggler for the pin. After the match the champions argue.

Winner: THN

-our next inductee into the Hall of Fame is… TRISH STRATUS! Awesome! How did I forget she retired winning the Women’s Title?

-Booker T has an announcement about the World Title on Tuesday Friday.

-After the break, Vince McMahon is in the ring for Paul Heyman’s review. Apparently Punk has been sent home so Heyman comes out on his own. He tries to shakes Vince’s hand. He does it reluctantly before cleaning his hands with hand sanitizer. Heyman is asked about his relationship with the Shield or Brad Maddox, he denies having any relationship with any of them. Heyman does admit to being a liar because he IS a PROMOTER! He swears to everything that he’s not lying right now about the Shield or Maddox. Paul wants to be an honorable man because he wants to be here. Vince then cuts to footage of Heyman talking to Maddox about paying him off to be the ref at Hell in a Cell and how Maddox wouldn’t drop it. Paul admits to paying the Shield… oops. The Shield walk up on Brad and beat his ass. This footage was brought to you by guy who follows Maddox around filming him. After the footage a “you got busted” chant breaks out and Paul looks to have shit himself, good acting here. Heyman claims that the person in the video shown was an imposter. Vince is about to fire Paul when OH SHIT, BROCK LESNAR’S MUSIC HITS!!! He’s back even though Michael Cole wants to yell about how he quit.  Paul is trying to stop what is about to happen. He doesn’t get through to Brock who eye fucks Vince and F5’s this motherfucker! Apparently Vince’s threat that Brock would regret whatever he’s thinking didn’t sink in. Paul pleads with Brock to stop, great acting once again. Brock leaves grandpa laying and the show ends.

-well we got a lot of bad stips and a lot of bad matches because of them but I think The Rock and Punk kept things alive as did the last segment with the return of Brock Lesnar… dammit I don’t want to see HHH wrestle anymore…

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2 Responses to “WWE RAW 01-28-13”

  1. ambar_hitman Says:

    Date is wrong in the heading. It should be 2013

  2. Mascara De Fuego Says:

    thanks!

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