08-27-12 WWE RAW

by

 

CM Punk beat up on Jerry Lawler, Triple H panders for a reaction and Kane recaps his WWE history during therapy.

-Recap of CM Punk busting Jerry Lawler’s balls.

-Also, Punk and Cena going back and forth about respect…

-the Lawler hit to the head as well.

 

-hate this fucking intro song.

 

-Cole starts off reading tweets before Lawler stands up and heads into the ring.

-he brings up all that went down last week, just like we saw in the package…

-the King wants an apology from CM Punk.

-Punk’s got a new hair cut. This dude changes his look more than I do…

-he isn’t happy with Lawler and his accusations over the last couple of weeks.

-Punk says he apologies to Lawler… for wrestling a bunch of nobodies in Memphis and a Hollywood comedian. Oh shit!

-he shit’s on Lawler for not winning the WWE Title.

-damn he shit’s on Lawler taking orders in his ear during his commentaries.

-he’s sorry for the man Lawler’s become… truth.

-Punk is trying to get Lawler to fight.

-Punk says either way, fight or not Lawler is walking out embarrassed.

-solid promo by Punk for sure. Seemed a bit nervous and flubbed a little.

-Lawler just goes back to commentary, he’s pissed.

 

Ryback vs. Jack Swagger

-Cole brings up Swagger’s recent losses, we know man. We know.

-I think the pink eye has spread to his other eye now.

-starts fast not long before Ryback takes Swagger down.

-Swagger tries for the ankle lock but Ryback fights out.

-Goldberg chants before getting “feed me more” chants… people need to make up their minds.

-short work of Swagger.

Winner: Ryback

-when will Swagger get some serious time? Is he just not destined for a solid run?

 

-Cole questions if Triple H’s career is over tonight.

-Also we get Cena vs. Miz tonight… fresh new matches…

-Lawler is still “thinking about” facing Punk tonight.

 

Natalya vs. Diva’s Champion Layla

-Vicki comes out before the match, she wants to hurry the diva’s up cause she’s got an important announcement.

-Vicki then stands on the steps just waiting. Haha!

-fast pace so far.

-Layla dances and poses…

-butt bump by Layla, the fuck?

-Natalya uses the old Finlay ring apron trick on Layla.

-Vicki isn’t budging.

-they are trying here in this match but the focus is on Vicki.

-Layla finally wins when Vicki then comes into the ring.

Winner: Layla

-she tells Layla to be gone. She finally bounced.

 

-Vicki brings up AJ’s contract stip from last week in the match between Jericho and Ziggler.

-god damn her promos have come leaps and bounds from back in the day.

-Vicki wants RAW in her power and not some cuckoo chick.

-This brings out skippy mcgee…

-AJ takes the mic then slaps Vicki!

-takes down by AJ and she’s beating on Vicki!!!

-Vicki bounces fast!

-AJ stares off nutty.

-shenanigans.

 

-christ Michael Cole says we’re getting “best of” clips all night about fucking Triple H… of course we are… of course we are. Our first clip is a DX one.

 

-after the break we’re getting clips of Daniel Bryan at anger management classes.

-some kid walks in with a goat mask and Bryan loses his shit.

-the doctor says that was his son who’s a goat in a school place.

-funny.

 

-Charlie from LOST is tweeting about RAW. not. Penny’s. boat.

 

-Cole reads Punk tweet, he’d give Lawler the first punch at him if he wrestles him tonight.

-Lawler gets on the announce table and runs down the names he beat in Memphis. Yeah Bill Dundee and Dutch Mantel get a shout out.

-the King puts over Koffman.

-he says he isn’t the best in the world but neither is Punk.

-Lawler agrees to fight Punk cause he doesn’t back down from a fight.

-good, Lawler woke up and sounded a little old school.

 

-almost the top of the first of and assclown Cena comes out… yells “the home of PBR”… you trying to cater to the hipsters now??? Because it would be ironic for them to like you… genius. Haha

Intercontinental Champion The Miz vs. John Cena

-looks like we’re live next week in Chicago! Wonder which direction they will go next week with Punk on this…

-slow start to this one going into the break.

-that Nike footlocker commercial was funny.

-shit went down during the break and Miz just avoided the AA.

-Josh Mathews is back and on commentary.

-kick to a seated Cena’s head.

-this is going to typical Cena route… the other dude works their balls off, he takes it and wins with the 5 moves of doom.

-close pin attempt by Miz after a DDT.

-side effect by Miz for another 2

-Cena makes his comeback.

-5 moves.

-AA, pin.

Winner: Cena

-sigh.

 

-Cole says AJ is making options for the main event tonight between Punk and Lawler… Tables match, Cage match or NO DQ… we get to choose via twitter. By the time you read this, it wont matter.

-another fucking HHH video… this ones on his quad injury and return… the only time this dude ever got this kind of reaction on a return. #justsaying

 

-who’s buying the 50 best finishing moves DVD? Come on, let me know who.

-anyone seen this list?

-I fucking love these Sonic commercials, so funny.

 

-another anger management video.

-oh shit Scorpio Sky is at the anger management meeting! Haha

-he bitches about his boss.

-Bryan bitches about HIS boss, AJ.

-Kane is here at the meeting now too… he’s got his welders mask on…

-oh boy.

 

Heath Slater vs. Santino

-this ends up in a short dance contest.

-boring chant.

-they relax and get back into it on the Santino come back.

-Cobra is out… but so is Aksana…

-Slater still takes the cobra.

Winner: Santino

#CobraHeelTurn is coming.

 

-Superstars tweet their opinions of Triple H… don’t care.

-WWE sucks its own wiener doodle over how many downloads their App has.

-Josh has to put this app over. There isn’t enough content on this thing yet.

-the remind us of the options for the main event tonight.

 

Brodus Clay & Sin Cara vs. Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes

-Sandow says smart stuff.

-Cody makes fat and ugly jokes…

-after the break Cody is working over Sin Cara.

-Sandow has a fancy name for his elbow drop.

-Clay tagged in, 2 count after a power slam.

-Sin Cara with a splash to Sandown on the outside.

-Cody goes for the flash kick but takes a head butt instead.

-splash and pin on Rhodes… ?!

Winner: Clay & Sin Cara

-um. yeah, I don’t know about this.

-Sin Cara tries to dance with the kiddies and Clay.

 

-Another meeting clip.

-Kane removes the wielding mask before saying he’s the devils favorite son.

-Kane basically goes into his story… his WWE history with Undertaker, burying people, Katy Vick, Paul Bearer, married, divorced and of course torturing Pete Rose. This shit was funny.

-GQ Money is apparently at this meeting too.

-he gives them homework for next week.

-Scorpio sits next to Kane to thank him for sharing.

-Sky puts his arms out to hug him only to get his throat choked.

-his WWE name is Harold…

 

-more ass kissing videos for HHH.

-this got a forward job.

 

WWE Tag Team Champion R-Truth w/Kofi vs. Daniel Bryan

-Lord of the Rings hobbit is still tweeting about RAW.

-Bryan comes down practicing his breathing exorcises. Haha

-Kofi on commentary.

-Truth wants to do the respect fist bump, he gets it.

-chain wrestling to start into the stand off.

-goat face chant, Bryan’s trying to hold it in.

-Bryan wants a fist bump… Truth offers Little Jimmy.

-Jimmy gets the pound before Truth takes a pounding. See what I did there…

-clotheslines, kicks, punches and flying forearms by Truth

-on the outside Truth wants to talk to Little Jimmy before leading the crowd in a YES chant… Truth pitches the mic to Bryan who goes into a NO chant.

-he gets counted out.

Winner: Truth by countout

-this fan is keeping up with Bryan.

-Bryan looks shocked he lost via count out.

-he flips out throwing the ring steps and yelling no. still the best heel.

 

-Fuck they start playing Brocks music a moment before cutting from Bryan, tricked me for a sec.

-just another recap on HHH.

-for the millionth time we’re reminded by this “game over?” graphic.

 

-Justin Roberts somberly intros Triple H.

-he’s all dressy and sporting a cast.

-he looks like he’s going to cry n shit.

-he gets a chant that he juices a little. I think he’s looking for more than he’s getting through.

-this cast looks FRESHLY put on, they could have given it a little ware.

-he “cuts to the chase” after not getting what he wanted and asks if he’s going to retire.

-this gets a no chant but nothing like Bryan’s.

-he’s always wanted to retire before all of this retires him.

-HHH is getting choked up… fans still aren’t giving him what he’s looking for.

-BAH! He actually says he never wanted to be the guy waiting for the nostalgia pop even though that’s entirely what he is doing here. Wow dude…

-he says for the first time he’s at a crossroad…

-he moves this broken arm at little too much… sell that shit fool.

-he wants to be all of these things that he lists off again. This got a rise.

-HHH says he doesn’t know if he can do those things again.

-he’s beating around the horse a lot.

-he gets a “you can do it” chant talking about beating Brock.

-HHH then thanks the fans by pandering to us about what these WWE Superstars do for us.

-oh boy this is getting sappy about how he knew how we cared for him n shit.

-he thanks us for letting him play the game…

-he hopes to never be forgotten… THAT there is exactly the problem…

-this gets a “thank you hunter” chant. best reaction that he’s been looking for but he had to shed a tear to get this.

-he goes one last gggrrr pose before he leaves.

-this babbling buffoon finally hits the bricks…. Back to his desk job in his cushy office…

 

-recap of Jericho vs. Ziggler from last week.

-We get the Jericho’s intro but its Ziggler.

-he cuts a promo about never….ever… seeing Jericho again.

Dolph Ziggler & Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Randy Orton & World Champion Sheamus

-slingshot suplex by Orton, old school!

-shoulder block off the apron by Sheamus onto ADR

-back from what seemed a long break and Orton is kept cornered.

-hot tag to Sheamus.

-nice exchange between Sheamus and Ziggler before ADR breaks the count.

-Ziggler has the briefcase but Orton comes in with the inverted back breaker… brogue kick… pin.

-Ziggler sold the shit out of that kick.

Winner: Sheamus & Orton

-fairly quick and typical tag team match.

 

-Jerry Lawler in the back he’s talking to… John Cena…

-the King wants to beat Punk on his own tonight.

 

-recap of Josh Mathews getting thrown by Kane last week…

-Kane is up next…

-Josh leaves before Kane can get to the announce desk… he’s taking a seat.

Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga

-Cole is calling this by standing, he don’t want to sit next to Kane.

-still clean shaven…

-jerk of the month in the WWE Magazine has its own title belt…

-Cole tells Kane about social media… he ain’t saying shit back.

-Cole calls Halle Berry… Holly. He was talking about Otunga’s current movie.

-facebuster into a discus punch by Ryder.

-rough rider leg drop out of nowhere for the win.

Winner: Ryder

-After the match Kane comes into the ring and grabs Ryder by the throat.

-He lets him go and instead choke slams Otunga.

-Ryder looks on with an inquisitive look.

 

-Punk is kicking pads in the back quite angrily.

-we are still voting on the match stip and the results are next…

-After the break, Josh is in the ring to run down the options for tonights main event…

-Cage match wins over NO DQ or a tables match. well what do you expect when the crowds had to look at this cage all fucking night. haha

-AJ is out she makes a match for Night of Champions CM Punk who will take on her choice… Cena…

-all for nothing if she’s just going to come out and make the match this easily…

-cage gets the ominous music.

Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. WWE Champion CM Punk

-282 days of being champion for Punk.

-Cole reads a previous tweet by Punk who says he’s the NEW King of Memphis.

-Punk puts his chin out for Lawler’s first shot…

-Lawler takes his shot and floors Punk.

-neck breaker by Punk.

-Lawler is kept grounded with a headlock.

-Punk is the first to try and climb the cage, he’s going for the Macho Man elbow… nope Lawler rolls which leads Punk into a serious of angry moves.

-Punk cut off at the top before Lawler tries to escape through the door.

-He’s brought back in…

-Punk is singing some shit.

-Lawler sends the champion head first into the cage.

-come back by Lawler which leads to sending Punk into the cage again.

-fist drop by Lawler…1..2… 2½.

-Punk comes back with a high knee in the corner.

-Punk is bleeding!!! He wipes it away before the ref could do anything.

-anaconda visa is on and the King taps out.

Winner: Punk

-Punk doesn’t break and it takes the ref prying him off.

-Punk takes the mic with him back into the ring as well as a chain from a tool box.

-he locks the cage with the chain and a lock.

-he head locks Lawler and wants to hear say he is the best in the world.

-Lawler doesn’t which gets him beat up some more… and more…

-ass hat Cena finally runs down but can’t get into the cage. he asks for the cage to get raised.

-Punk continues to beat on Lawler while Cena pleads for the cage to be raised.

-Punk says he’s the best wrestler in the world before the cage is lifted and Cena runs in.

-the champion them walks off while holding up one finger.

 

-I thought that was a nice tough to end this one. Although trying to make me really interested in ANOTHER Cena vs. Punk match is going to take a lot more of this here.

 

-By the way, the HHH pandering continues on Facebook… see below….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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