08-13-12 WWE RAW

by

Last ditch effort to save this ppv… oh and this HHH vs. Lensar match.

I’ve said it before but I don’t like this new theme song. This should be a B-rated pay per view song at best. It sucks.

-we’re going right into a match…

Non Title

WWE Champion CM Punk vs. The Big Show

-the champion is curtain jerkin’ again…

-Puma and I need to work on our SummerSlam predictions, I got a lot of shit to say about this show that happens to be in OUR back yard and we’re not bothering to see live…

-Big Show keeps Punk grounded to start things off slow.

-not the way to start this show, this is sloooow.

-CM Punk chant, so the fans still see him as a goodie.

-Punk finally makes a comeback but gets speared shortly after.

-Daniel Bryan’s music hits and he’s out chanting NO! while the crowd chants YES!

-He yells at Cole and Lawler that HE should be in the title match at the ppv.

-Punk kicks out of a side slam.

-crowd has woken up.

-springboard clothesline but Punk.

-Bryan cuts Punk off and puts the YES… I mean NO lock on Punk to end the match.

Winner: Big Show by DQ

-Show drops the elbow on Punk while he’s in the NO lock.

-John Cena makes the save…

-Punk yells at Cena before AJ is out.

-AJ puts Bryan & Big Show vs. Punk & Cena on for later tonight.

-Please add Bryan into the WWE Title match…

 

-oh look a contract signing for Lesnar and Triple H… don’t give a FUCK…

 

-in the back The Pope JTG in the back bitching about 3 hour RAW’s and he cant get on the show.

-he’s bitching to Kaitlyn.

-AJ walks in and questions if JTG is talking shit.

-AJ tells this fool to go to the ring…

-Kaitlyn and AJ have a few works. Kaitlyn takes a jab at the GM that she doesn’t get until its too late.

JTG vs. Ryback

-Cole brings up JTG’s comments on Twitter from last week… oh the WWE is going to kill you tonight aren’t they…

-Yeah, no one should be surprised by this match.

-“feed me more” is now part of his intro music…

-left red eye in effect.

-JTG says to keep his pink eye away from him! haha!

-Goldberg chant is back….

-nice belly to belly over head suplex by Ryback.

-powerbomb to JTG!

-crowd is into the feed me more chant.

-stiff lariat by Skip.

-sounds like you can hear Lawler on commentary in the arena…

-Ryback drop for the pin. Yeah, I’ve nicknamed it.

Winner: Ryback

-Ryback leads the crowd in his chant.

-Well at least JTG got RAW time!

 

-Cole tells us Rowdy Roddy Piper is here tonight and we can choose which guest he has on the Pit tonight, Y2J or Miz or Dolph.

-booking on the fly… or ready for 2 scenarios?

 

-Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino for the Title in the preshow… title change?

 

-Piper in the back wearing a shirt that says “real deal”.

-HBK is here with him!

-Piper doesn’t know what the fuck is going on tonight.

-HHH calls HBK and tells him he flew commercial and he is running late… and here is HBK’s ass kicking by Brock that we should have seen weeks ago.

 

-Heath Slater is in the ring, smiley face and all.

-he gets… R-Truth….?

Heath Slater vs. Tag Team Champion R-Truth

-oh shit ribs for dinner!

-not sure why we’re getting this match.

-Truth wins, nothing big.

Winner: Truth

-Young and O’Neil are out.

-the PTP’s beat up on Truth.

-they dance over him..

-nothing remotely doing with AW is mentioned.

 

-the recap we’ve seen for what seems like centuries covering Lesnar vs. HHH… about babies.

 

-oh look they mention this is the 25th SummerSlam…

-fuck they could have played old clips of SS and made it a bigger deal than this stupid lack luster match.

 

-Cole brings up the Olympics but only because Mark Henry was there.

-definitely treating him like a face… don’t fuck Henry’s “hall of pain” shit up!

-Lawler gives props to the Olympians

-Cole gives props to NBC…

 

-Pauly D is the ambassador tonight.

-they are showing his tweets… stupid, who cares.

-Cole cuts to a Del Rio/Sheamus video package.

-Del Rio calls the “cops” on Sheamus which leads to them helping him beat on Sheamus on Friday.

-Booker T in a “WWE.com exclusive”… he’s mad.

-the Smackdown GM cancels the World Title match for the ppv.

-Del Rio Touts about it… he threatens Booker T.

-Cole asks us to Tout about this decision… oh I can’t wait like Jerry Lawler…

 

Sin Cara vs. Tensai w/Sakamoto

-footage about Cody talking shit about Sin Cara on Friday. Cody works over getting off the mask.

-is Cody now stuck in a feud with this dude?!!?

-Cole puts over our choice last week being “the most social active”… the fuck is that!? Haha

-nice Swanton by Sin Cara.

-nice tornado DDT by Sin Cara… for the win!??!

Winner: Sin Cara

-well that was surprising.

-Sakamoto pays for Tensai’s loss…

-how much longer before Sakamoto is doing comedy skits with Santino.

 

-HBK in the back asking if people have “seen him”….

 

-Lawler intros Piper who’s already in the ring.

-is Piper drunk?! He’s slurring…

-they recap that WE get to pick…

-The guest on Piper’s Pit is… Chris Jericho.

-Jericho plays up to the crowd, yeah they still like you sir.

-Piper and Jericho bring up Mickie Rourke and their previous situations.

-Y2J kiss our asses about voting him for Piper’s Pit.

-he says the crowd is now cheering him and tells us how we want him to be Ziggler.

-Piper brings up Jericho’s dad.

-Cole tries to shit on this, fuck shut up dude.

-Vicki the interrupts this, she intros Ziggler.

-Ziggler calls Piper’s routine, “tired” and “sad”.

-Ziggler tells Jericho that his future IS going to be just like Piper’s…

-Dolph comes off well.

-Jericho tells Vicki to “shut the hell up” which wakes up the crowd and gets him a Y2J chant.

-Y2J saying he’s going to win… before The Miz is now out…

-Miz agrees with Ziggler….

-Miz is taking over this show now!?

-This whole segment sounds very unscripted in a bad way.

-all this finally breaks down with Piper and Jericho standing tall.

-this had a few shining moments but not much…

 

-Hour one is finally done…

 

Triple Threat

Chris Jericho vs. Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler w/Vicki

-Jericho fights off both who were trying to gang up on him.

-Jericho is finally double teamed on.

-double suplex onto Y2J.

-Miz and Ziggler start to argue, they both get sent to the outside.

-Y2J over the ropes onto both before climbing onto the announce table and playing to the crowd.

-Jericho throws the top of the announce table on these 2.

-Ziggler’s in control into the commercial break.

-after the break Miz with a rear chin lock that Jericho finally breaks out of.

-Lionsault on Miz after the springboard dropkick to Ziggler.

-powerbomb/superplex triple combo spot by all three.

-2 close pin attempts one by Ziggler the other by Jericho.

-Jericho kicks out of the high leg drop.

-Cole claims Jericho is back…

-SCF by Miz for a close 2.

-code breaker by Jericho on Ziggler.

-Vicki puts Ziggler’s leg on the ropes.

-Cole claims this to be a no DQ match!?

-Walls on Miz and he’s tapping behind the ref

-Zig Zag on Jericho out of nowhere for the pin!

Winner: Ziggler

-this got a lot of time, good shit here! This was nice.

-even Miz looked good here.

 

-Punk in the back stretching when Eve comes up.

-she congrats him on the new CM Punk… he says he’s the same guy.

-Eve is trying to stir up problems between he and Cena.

 

-more Pauly D tweets…

 

-recap of Bryan’s NO lock on Punk into Show’s drop to Punk’s back… Cena save.

 

-HBK in the back looking cautiously around the arena.

-Cena walks up on him and he’s jumpy.

-Shawn claims to be distracted, he walks off.

-Punk then walks in on Cena.

-he ain’t stabbing no one in the back but he ain’t losing his title for shit this Sunday.

 

-Wade Barrett video package… I hate the way he says “barrage”.

 

Diva’s Champion Layla & Kaitlyn vs. Eve & Beth Phoenix

-Eve vs. Kaitlyn on Friday, winner gets to watch Booker shower.

-Beth and Layla are botchy.

-sounds like a we want tables chant?

-Layla is working on her chain wrestling maneuvers.

-what the fuck is Layla doing… the running man into an ass bump to Eve!?

-Eve is too busy trying to pull her hair out from under Kaitlyn’s boot .

-We want Ryder chant…

-Beth and Eve work over Kaitlyn behind the refs back.

-Cole and Lawler argue about Bookers administration…

-Kaitlyn finally gets the roll up on Beth to finish this off.

Winner: Kaitlyn & Layla

 

-Cole calls Triple H vs. Brock “the perfect storm”… bullshit.

-can’t watch another recap of this…

 

-Hour two is done…

 

-and by main event they meant the main event of hour 2….

Big Show & Daniel Bryan vs. WWE Champion CM Punk vs. John Cena

-apparently CM Punk and I are making the same face during Cena’s entrance.

-Punk makes the blind tag into the match.

-Cena does the same shit…

-Show wants into the match, he chants YES… Bryan chants NO.

-Cena goes into “get your ass beat” mode.

-Bryan and Show aren’t getting along either.

-Punk blind tags into the springboard clothesline to Bryan.

-Punk goes for the tag but there’s no Cena in the corner.

-Punk out of the bear hug into a big back body drop to Punk.

-another blind tag by Bryan. Show is frustrated and sits at ringside.

-stiff kicks to Punk’s chest before Bryan takes one to the head.

-Punk is pissed that Cena wants the tag now.

-Punk is doing Cena’s 5 moves of death!!! HAHA!!!!

-before can get the fist drop, Cena blind tags.

-Cena goes into Punk’s high knee and bulldog.

-Bryan tries to roll up Cena but then gets caught in the AA.

Winners: Punk & Cena

-Punk watches from ringside until Show tries to jump Cena on the ringpost.

-Punk hits Show with the belt before he can do shit.

-Cena and Punk stand off before Punk offers his hand.

-Cena isn’t going to shake it and Punk is pissed and walks off.

-Cena looks on like he just pooped himself.

-cant watch another Title run by Cena, I really can’t.

-Punk in the back when Josh walks up.

-he accuses Cena of ball hogging and disrespecting him by not shaking his hand.

 

-Lesnar and Heyman in the back chit chatting.

 

Damien Sandow vs. Christian

-Sandow starts off fast on Christian.

-hits a flashy elbow on Christian for a 2 count.

-Christian makes a comeback into an elbow from the 2nd rope.

-Sandow goes to the outside to regroup and takes Christian’s head into the steel steps.

-Brodus Clay’s music hits, he comes out smiling and distracting.

-Sandow kicks out of Christian’s roll up attempt.

-Christian then falls to the neck breaker for the pin…!?

Winner: Sandow

-damn what’s up with that on Christian!? Not that I thought Christian would take it but man!

 

-HBK finally finds Brock in the back.

-Brock eye fucks him and smiles while Shawn takes off.

-apparently HHH isn’t here yet.

 

-contract signing time… lets see how big this shit hole is…

-Lesnar and Heyman are out first.

-Heyman introduces himself and Brock.

-Paul and Brock believes HHH’s story on being late because HHH needs this match.

-Paul puts over this match far better than anyone else could have to this point.

-Heyman is so dope on the mic, god damn.

-He doesn’t want Lesnar legally responsible for the ass beating HHH is getting.

-Heyman brings up HBK not agreeing with him.

-they want HBK to come out and tell Lesnar to his face that he isn’t winning this Sunday.

-Heyman shits on Texans, this finally brings HBK out for his alleged ass kicking…

-Paul taunts HBK into signing the contract…

-lets go texas chant??

-oh yeah, guess who’s music hits…

-suit outlet comes out with his pink dress shirt. This means business….

-HHH chant from these fools.

-HHH signs.

-Paul tells Brock just to sign. He does then throws the contract at HHH who isn’t phased by this…

-Brock goes to the outside with Paul and…. They are leaving…

-another wasted day by Brock… Christ.

-Worst. Buildup. Ever.

-Cole and Lawler talk about Touts… these are so dumb. Fuck.

-HHH and HBK in the back…

-HBK says Brock is on a different level…

-wait… I am getting the sense that HBK is going to throw in the towel to save HHH at the ppv!!?

 

-Striker stops Big Show in the back when there is some shit going on that he runs off to see.

 

-HBK hit Paul’s car.

-Brock pulls HBK out of the car and the camera goes black…

-basically we’re just hearing an “assault”… god dammit.

-fuck this fucking match in its asshole.

-after the break everyone is out to check on the situation.

-Cole and Lawler somberly recap this bullshit.

-Brock is coming to the ring with HBK on his shoulder.

-Brock rolls him into the ring with a big smirk.

-F5 to HBK.

-arm breaker on Shawn.

-HHH comes out but Heyman keeps him at bay by threatening to break HBK’s arm.

-HHH stays back by Brock “breaks” it anyhow.

-HHH runs in but its too late.

-Heyman is shocked while Brock smiles.

-HHH apologizes while HBK tells him to get away from him.

-Brock teases coming back down but the show ends.

-well they tried to save this match but its too little WAY too late.

-these long shows are killing me.

 

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