07-23-12 RAW 1,000TH EPISODE

by

-Even left work an hour early to do the preshow…. ANNNND they cancel it… wait… did I just admit that I left work early for wrestling!? #mark

-oh hey… I just remembered no mention on Charlie Sheen in the last week or so… guess that ain’t happening.

-here we go…

-oh shit, new intro video for the WWE!

-recap intro of RAW recaps covering as much as possible… oh shit even the bit were Val Venis almost got his peepee cut. Haha! Oh shit Miz-girl made the clips! Damn they aren’t holding back in this video with the “Bret screwed Bret” video, Eddie’s memorial, Flair’s retirement shots. Good recap honestly!

-God damn I’ve watched wrestling for a long time!

-Mr. Mahon is out to start the show. Crowd is alive tonight thankfully. Vince thanks us but this gets a “thank you Vince” chant. YES, he does his “welcome to Monday Night RAW” then intros DX!

-HBK and Triple H are out decked out in merch and camo. Lawler and Cole are on recap duty for anyone who might not know the DX history. HBK says somethings missing… oh shit… HHH asks if there were more of them which gets this crowd to pops its nut… this crowd is going to be dope tonight! heehee!

-Billy Gunn, Road Dog and X Pac are our in a military jeep! Big hug spot for all in the ring.

-Road Dog does his New Age Outlaws shtick into HHH asking us if we’re ready… and we get HHH jokes about hairlines before we’re told to SUCK ITTTT….

-uhhh ok Gunn and HBK are arguing about who gets to say the next big line… wrap it up.

-Damien Sandow interrupts this, he does his bit… his also goes long.

-Can’t make out the chant…

-Damien gets the sweet chin music into the pedigree… before getting dumped on the outside.

-SO I guess that was it huh… ? Good to see them all back but it didn’t do much for anything, right?

-ok so now part of video packages, superstars have the Facebook, Twitter and Youtube logos… ?! too much.

-CM Punk commercial for the WWE13 video game… its been a while since I’ve bought a new one of these.

-JIM ROSS IS OUT! Love the “Evil JR” goatee!

-he’s out on commentary, hopefully for the whole night.

Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara & World Champion Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler w/Vicki & Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez

-is Rey officially wearing a shirt to wrestle in?

-Cara & Rey in the same ring finally.

-Sheamus is odd man out here… odd pairing.

-I guess we’re doing the slow turn for Jericho.

-Jericho has the 2nd most matches in RAW history… behind HHH of course…

-Sin Cara is cornered.

-tornado DDT to ADR into the hot tag to Sheamus.

-Sheamus botches the first back break spot to Jericho… fuck.

-shit breaks down to the outside, leaving Jericho and Sheamus in the ring.

-Jericho was going for the springboard dropkick to Sheamus but Ziggler hits Jericho!

-brogue kick to Y2J for the pin.

Winner: Sheamus, Rey & Sin Cara

-So uh… that was it for JR??? fuck, really?? Not much to the match but I guess tonight isn’t about matches. Yes, I understand that makes no sense on a wrestling show…

-Cole and Lawler cuts to fan Touts… god people are stupid… I mean I’m making the same faces but no one sees it. haha.

-So I guess Charlie Sheen is doing a Skype call now?! Oh god… even worse.

-Recap of Bryan and AJ from last week… the big proposal.

-AJ talking to Layla in the back but I guess Layla didn’t know she was being spoken to. Duggan is in the hallway as are Truth jumping rope with Rowdy Piper and little Jimmy. Oh my god, its Mae Young’s hand as a grown up with Mae! Oh shit, that was kind stupid funny! See kids, if you watch as long as us old fucks you’ll get these ridiculous inside jokes.

-I know its annoying to see more movies remade but I am looking forward to see Total Recall… if not for Kate Beckinsale alone. 😉

-Cole and Lawler are plugging Sonic… Christ.

Jack Swagger vs. Brodus Clay w/Dude Love

-they really could have left this match for Superstars and maybe put on some good matches…?

-Cole and Lawler plug Shazam… this plugging is going to get super annoying

-Clay intros…. DUDE LOVE! Haha

-3 moves and Swagger is done for the night.

Winner: Clay

-After the match all parties dance and Swagger gets Mr. Socko…

-HHH and Trish Status in the back. They are taking Yoga… Trish gets behind HHH all doggy style when he gets caught by DX… its all a misunderstanding folks. X Pac hits on Trish and she looks super uncomfortable.

-Fucking Daniel Bryan’s groomsmen look like they are wearing white male nurse outfits.

-god, please have the new WWE Title belt tonight!

-its wedding time. I’m going to try not to cry.

The Wedding of AJ and Daniel Bryan

-Slick is the minister! I jive soul bro is playing! I use to love that video. haha

-Bryan is in ALL white tux doing his YES intro… before he walks up the steps he gets all formal. Funny.

-YES chants.

-Please don’t let THIS be Daniel Bryan’s “RAW moment”…

-AJ looks dope, she wants to fuck tonight… What?

-Slick goes into the ceremony…

-quickly we’re getting WHAT chants but Slick plays off of it.

-AJ gets him back on track.

-Slick asks for anyone to object to speak now…

-NO chant!

-Bryan gets one more chance to tell AJ how much he “loves” her.

-He claims a new chapter will begin when he puts the ring on AJ…

-Bryan says YES.

-AJ say YES (before Slick could get the question off)

-Slick pronounces them… AJ stops Slick…

-She wasn’t saying YES to Daniel but to someone else… another man who proposed to her early tonight… Mr. McMahon comes out…

-it ain’t that kind of proposal… but he announces AJ AS THE NEW GM OF RAW! HAHA!

-well, didn’t see that shit coming!

-AJ then skips around Bryan before bouncing…

-Bryan destroys the stage while AJ chants YES.

-Well this was interesting, didn’t except that. Good? Bad? Don’t know but it is interesting…

-Bryan is still in the ring after the break with refs trying to get him to leave. He’s chanting NO… until CM Punk comes out.

-same old belt, he gets a chant.

-Punk clowns what just happened to Bryan.

-Punk tells Bryan to continue doing this mess while he will continue to be the best of the world.

-Bryan tells Punk he isn’t even the best in the ring tonight.

-Daniel Bryan claims to be the greatest of all time… THE ROCK!

-OH SHIT interesting matchups here folks!

-Looks more Dwayne Johnson tonight but we shall see after he’s done posing.

-Rocky chants.

-Rock smirks at Bryan before he tells him that he doesn’t get to say who the greatest of all time. That the WE do… kiss ass. Haha.

-We get the “FINALLY” bit for St. Louis.

-Bryan cuts off the Rock before getting cut off himself.

-BOOTS TO ASSES chant.

-Punk just watches on awkwardly.

-Rock brings up winning his first championship in St. Louis.

-Rock calls Bryan Frodo before turning his attention to Punk.

-At the Royal Rumble The Rock gets a title shot!

-Punk says he’s the guy and how he is beating Cena tonight.

-Punk tells the Rock he wants this happen before the Rumble.

-oh god please let this match happen!!!

-Bryan interrupts them both and how this was suppose to be about him tonight.

-Bryan says some how some way Rock is going to fight him.

-Bryan says he’s going to be the face of the WWE before Rock goes into jokes.

-Rock gives Bryan a Rock Bottom after wishing Punk luck tonight.

-Please let it be Rock vs. Punk at the Royal Rumble!

-SO dope for Punk and Bryan to be seen on this level officially.

-its only 6:30pm.

-Guest ring announcer… BRET “HITMAN” HART! Looks good. He brings up Mr. Perfect and his I-C Title victory before intro’ing Christian.

Intercontinental Champion Christian vs. The Miz

-Bret kind of says The Miz’s name in passing when doing his intro.

-Christian takes the advantage off the bat.

-He sends Miz to the outside before diving out onto him.

-back from break and Miz had control of Christian’s leg that Miz has been working over.

-kick to the head of the champion for a 2 count.

-spear is blocked and turned into a short DDT for a close 2½!

-killswitch is block twice into the SCF!

-Miz wins the I-C title!

Winner: The Miz

-Hope this means Christian is moving back up the card again. Eh, I’m ok with this. It gives Miz something to do.

-Charlie Sheen on Skype again. He can’t wait to see The Rock at the Royal Rumble before saying Bryan has “anger management” issues. Har. Har.

-Cole was in the middle of a sentence before he gets cut off by a commercial… oops.

-Regis Philbin is still alive. He brings up The Destroyer and other people he’s had on his former show.

-Triple H is out again… still in DX gear.

-We get a recap on what happened THREE MONTHS ago with Brock and HHH’s arm.

-He’s done having fun and wants to pick things up… oh boy.

-he calls Brock out, he gets Paul Heyman.

-HHH got ass jokes…

-Heyman says he can answer for Brock and the answer is no.

-HHH is going to find Brock but Heyman reminds him of his lawsuits.

-HHH talks shit on Brock and call him scared.

-Paul accidentally brings up the kids and HHH knocks the mic out of his hand.

-Paul keeps talking shit and STEPHANIE MCMAHON IS OUT!

-um… she looks bangin…

-Steph tells Heyman never to bring up the kids.

-How these lawsuits are just to cover up Heyman’s failures to WCW, ECW and WWE.

-this is getting too personal with Steph talking about Heyman’s kids.

-Paul gets slapped and goes to leave.

-He stops and tells Steph that if she wants to see her husband take on HHH, its on.

-Paul admits he fell for it before crapping on her kids again.

-Steph jumps Paul.

-Brock is out!

-Brock picks up HHH and runs him into the corner.

-Both brawl in the ring!

-of course HHH clotheslines Brock out of the ring… fuck.

-Brock eye fucks HHH on the outside.

-Brock cursed some shit before he heads up the ramp.

-Finally they breathe a little life into this match… but is it too late and predictable that Brock is losing this shit too??? Maybe…

-On no more Touts… phew ok its Kofi. Oh no they do show fan touts…

-Cena vs. Stone Cold is the ultimate fantasy match on the WWE13 game… they show game clips of this match.

-1,000th RAW moment… Austin gets his first Stunner by Stone Cold. Good old days when this was fresh and new. Cena talks about this.

United States Champion Santino w/Hornswoggle they are throwing out wrestling buddies, they are back!!! CM Punk made it happen! 😉

-was that the Fink in the ring!?… YES! no one can do it like the Fink!

Heath Slater vs….

-he challenges any RAW legand to a no DQ no Countout match.

-IT’S LITA!!!!

-Slater laughs about this but he accepts.

Heath Slater vs. Lita

-She has something to say to him… she’s hired protection tonight…. THE APA!!!

-Slater bounces from the ring before Road Warrior Animal, Vader, Rikishi, Slaughter, Sid, Doink, DDP and the rest of the legends throw Slater back in.

-Twist of Fate by Lita!

-clothesline from Hell by JBL!

-moonsault by Lita!!! 1…2..THREE

Winner: Lita

-All the rest of the legends come into the ring before Ron Simmons gets in a…. DAMN!

-AJ becoming the GM recap.

-Sean Mooney is here!!!! He interviews Daniel Bryan. He’s oh so mad. He shits on Charlie Sheen and threatens him with the YES lock. Bryan clowns the “winning” bit Sheen does.

-Some person in the arena is the one hundred million social media follower… oh god.

-Lawler throws to Fozzie Bear who goes over catchphrases of the WWE during their history. They are all in there… damn even Funaki’s “indeed”.

-Ryder, Mean Gene and Cena in the back… Ryder wants to say Gene was behind GTV… wow we are pulling shit out of our asses.

-Rock and Cena are face to face. It goes from friendly to Cena saying he’s going to be champion again so get can get another chance at Rock. Rock isn’t phased.

-Jinder Mahal, Reks, Hawkings, Camacho, Hunico and McIntyre go to jump Kane before his match when….THE LIGHTS GO DARK AND WE GET THE GONG!

-Sounds like this crowd is losing their shit!

-Kane and Taker stare at each other while everyone else has spilled to the floor.

-Taker has a little trouble getting the hoodie off… oops.

-These dudes then attack Taker and Kane…

-double choke slams!

-both signal for the tombstone!

-DOUBLE TOMBSTONE!

-Take and Kane stare at each other before staring at what they just did.

-This is awesome chant.

-this is awkward now with both dudes just standing around.

-They finally pose.

Always good to see Taker.

-Be a Star video promo where it seems like Miz is cutting a promo on kids… haha

-More Charlie Sheen shit… he’s got dumb jokes about Bryan’s challenge… please don’t let this become a Sheen vs. Bryan match… NO!!!!!

-recap of last week with Cena coming out to challenge Punk… not cash in.

John Cena vs. WWE Champion CM Punk

-please don’t let Cena win this…

-Cena stares at the briefcase…. Awkwardly.

-according to a poll people want to see Punk vs Rock at the Royal Rumble… not Cena! HA!

-Punk offers the hand, Cena shakes it.

-Cena pro/for chants off the bat.

-If Punk wins he will tie Hogan & Bret title runs!

-back slide by Punk for a 2.

-they pause for chants… lets get to it!

-Punk with Flair like chops.

-Punk has the advantage using a crucifix style submission.

-Lawler says a MITB winner has never called out a champion… ummm RVD did King.

-YAY/Boo change of punches.

-Punk come back… in the corner with the high knee… he mocks Cena! ha!

-Cena comeback and goes into the YCSM hand gesture when Punk pocks him in the eye!

-Cena blocks the GTS but pushes Punk into the ref.

-Cena hits the AA and covers Punk but there is no ref!

-Big Show is out!

-spear by Big Show!

-Show cocks his fist while Punk looks on.

-Cena is knocked out!

-Punk looks over at Cena and is thinking about covering him…

-Ref goes to get the ref…

-Punk is conflicted.

-Punk then covers Cena but he kicks out…

-Punk picks up Cena for the GTS….

-Cena slips out and hooks on the STF….

-Big Show is back out and hits Cena!

Winner: Cena by DQ

-Cena is the first person to cash in and LOSE!!!!

-Show continues to take out Cena while Punk kind of watches on… Punk then turns his back…THE ROCK IS OUT!

-Rock passes right by Punk and takes down Big Show!

-PEOPLES ELBOW….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CM PUNK CLOTHESLINES THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

-GO TO SLEEP TO THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-CM Punk gets a small chant before it goes to a mixed reaction!

-Finally Punk goes to leave and he’s booed.

-Punk then slowly walks up the ramp and we are out!

I want to see Punk vs. Rock at the Rumble for sure… it would be nice to actually see Punk win that shit though. I’m tired. This was a long night, one of many… sigh.

Oh yeah No Smackdown GM announcement!

Great Puma and I might have to discuss this one over…

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One Response to “07-23-12 RAW 1,000TH EPISODE”

  1. zankarne Says:

    Raw 1000 – or how to overbook a finish -.-

    Anyway… DX 1000 shirt is in the shopping cart

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