05-31-12 TNA IMPACT WRESTLING

by

 

Fuck it, they are live and starting early so why not.

Voiced over recap on Roode bring the longest running TNA champion… Hogan picks a contender… Roode beats them… Sting shows up all nosey n shit and looks like he’s getting a title shot… bullshit never changes.

 

Theses fuckers start with a World Title Lumberjack match!? uh, shouldn’t this be your main event morons??

 

So glad Roode cut his stupid long hair. NOW he looks like a champion, shit.

 

Can’t believe is getting a title shot just for showing up last week. So stupid.

 

Typical lumberjack match with shenanigans on the outside.  Oh those pesky heels, I tell ya.

 

Ok 10 mins in, I’m over it. I really don’t want to see a Sting match in 2012 unless it involves the WWE and The Undertaker.

 

Fuck they’re going to break…

 

We’re back and we have a #IMPACTLIVE in the top corner… its cute that they are still trying that Twitter experiment.

 

…Sting won… this wasn’t for the title right???

 

Live crowd tonight.

 

Oh no Hogan’s out and makes Roode vs. Sting at Slamiversary… unnecessary (title or not), you got it all here for free.

 

Tenay and Taz put over tonight’s matches.

 

Pick a Challenger for the TV Title is kind of a nice idea. They should do that shit every week with this title… why not? It’s something different.

 

Madison talks in the back about… Brooke Hogan. She’s using a flatiron on her sash! Haha

 

Bully Ray in the ring. He calls out… Joseph Parks… spoiler, we all know its Abyss! So, move on!

 

Lame story short Ray wants a fight with Joe and pushes him to the edge before Ray threatens to sue him if he doesn’t let him go.

 

Joe now wants to fight but Ray puts him ass off to the ppv.

 

So how do they tie this up already?

 

HAHA! Video package on Crimson’s undefeated streak! No one cares to remember man. Hope he gets beat tonight finally.

 

“Solo” Chris Sabin is up for an X Division match against Aries. This should be good.

 

Taz wants to shill how he saw Sabin “back in the day”, so he’s an old school fan…

 

Good shit so far in this one.

 

Nice neck breaker by Sabin in the ropes.

 

Aries retains on a roll up out of no where.

 

Good match, probably the first and last of the night.

 

Taz and Hogan in the back… in the dark… Taz is replacing Flair in the Gut Check. Man, I hope the man is going back to the WWE even if just on some side deal shit…NO WRESTLING THOUGH! Flair’s always been my guy but lets not push it.

 

Pritchard, Snow and Taz talking about Gut Check nominee, Joey Ryan.  They are getting a little too “real” here… let’s leave the curtain where it is folks. No need to see too much inside.

 

No one cares about Brooke Hogan, no one.

 

Ok this smoking commercial is FUCKED UP. I’m trying to relax and watch some goofy wrestling shit. I don’t need to be all bummed about what happening to the robot voice sounding lady. Terminator got that way by smoking her titties off, we get it. Fuck.

 

Next we find out who gets the TV Title match against Devon… that whole painting-over-your-eyelids thing that Hardy does is awkward… so we’re not finding out right now.

 

Instead we cut to…. Dixie Carter… oh no, no no!

 

This fucking place is going to start doing a Hall of Fame now too… HAHA!!!!! STUPID just let them go over to the Fed like Flair. No one takes you seriously anyway.

 

She intros Brooke Hogan after sucking her dick.

 

Brooke gets booed! Wah wahhhh.

 

She’s fixin’ for a dickin’ in this whorish black dress.

 

She’s all excited or some shit about this new job. Christ.

 

Daniels and Kaz in the back still talking about these photos with Styles and Dixie… move on you’re champs now.

 

TNA moment with … Christian, yeah! Push the Intercontinental Champion!

 

Devon defends against… Hardy, well that was obvious.

 

Dueling chants during the match, good for you guys. Nice job Impact Zone.

 

Hardy goes for the swanton when the Robbie’s attack and the match is thrown out. lame.

 

Devon and Hardy do the Hardy boys move where Matt use to get on his hands and knees and Jeff would catapult off Matt’s back… isn’t that sacrilegious!?

 

 

Roode video, he’s fine where he is. Finally got rid of his Eric Young goatee. His daughter gets the acting award with the line “daddy are you going back to wrestling”. She did a better job than most of these grown ass men.

 

More crap on these Styles/Carter pictures and how Angle is now involved.

 

Gut Check decision is next…

 

I forget how short Taz is, he comes off WAYYY bigger than he is.

 

Joey Ryan comes down doing his mustache-ride gimmick.

 

He’s in character…

 

Pritchard says no cause he’s been in the business for 12 years…

 

Snow votes yes even though he doesn’t like Ryan…

 

Taz says… oh wait Ryan gets one more chance to turn the judges.

 

I get the gimmick but I STILL don’t think Ryan is pulling it off. Still seems so forced.

 

Taz says no cause is promo sucked then tells him to go get his shit together.

 

Wah wahhhhh.

 

Maybe they finally convince Ryan to going back to the clean cut/modest look and style.

 

Roode video, he’s in England in front of Big Ben.

 

ppv is in 10 days…

 

Main event is Daniels vs. Styles… still trying to go to the well, huh?

 

Daniels’ bell bottom pants are off putting.

 

Good match but we’ve seen it all from these two.

 

Styles wins with the inverted DDT only to get jumped by Kaz and Daniels.

 

Angle makes the save but eventually gets taken out as well.

 

Angle is zip-tied to the ropes and the tag champions stand strong over the two goodie goodies.

 

Daniels plays a voice mail between Dixie and Styles.

 

The show ends with Dixie coming to commentary asking for this to be cut and to end the show… her voice gets played through the Spike logo, nice touch.

 

Eh, no TOOO bad a night for TNA. But I will forget what happened by tomorrow morning… mostly because of the Jack.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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