05-21-12 WWE RAW SUPERSHOW

by

 

CommercialMania is running wild!

 

 

We start with a recap of the crappy main event from last night… so off to a GREAT start… boy, I can’t wait for this shit to be THREEE hours… fuck. These dickholes show stills of stunned fans in the crowd to TRY and get over how big of a deal this Big Show turn is… whatever.

 

 

Assclown #1 comes out all serious face, surely to talk about the shinanigans of last night or maybe how he was a crappy husband who shit on marriage… who knows.

 

Cena playing shocked is not good.

 

He takes this shit harder than the loss to Rock or Brock fucking his shit up, no sense.

 

Cena whining is 8 minutes too long.

 

So sad faced about Big Show.

 

He’s glad he had a crappy match with Laurinaitis, the fuck!?

 

Oh man, he’s really trying to put this shit over and a “big deal”.

 

Laurinaitis Eve is out… she intros Johnny. This fool comes out on an electric old person scooter that’s got a People Power thing on the front. Please don’t make me like this shit.

 

Johnny is trying to make it sound like he was hit by a car more than getting beat up by Cena.

 

Ace says he hired Show back on Saturday and is taking on Cena at the next ppv… yay…

 

Big Show is out in a suit… how many times has this fool turned at this point in his career!? It’s GOT to be more than Michael Hayes!

 

Show tries to put over how much love he has for the WWE and everything in it. He gets a “you’re a sell out” chant.

 

He did what he had to do, blah blah blah. Yell all you want, I’m over this.

 

Whatever, it ends with Show walking out… and Otunga coming out in his gear… oh no.

 

Cena tells Otunga to go watch Law and Order reruns.

 

 

Otunga says he’s dedicating his mauling to Laurinaitis.

 

Australian for beer. Haven’t seen one of these in a while.

 

Match starts and Otunga keeps dodging Cena which is making him a sad faced clown. Aww.

 

Cena finally catches him and goes through him ending with an AA and an STF. At least this bullshit was quick.

 

After the match Reks, Hawkins, Darren Young and O’Neal jump Cena until Sheamus makes the save leaving both of these goofs standing tall.

 

Laurinaitis scolds this cast of mid carders before setting up a match with Sheamus and Cena taking on… uh… ok so it’s a 2 on 3 handicap Lumberjack match against people we ain’t going to be told about.

 

Glad that shit’s over but not happy its happening again tonight.

 

 

Alberto Del Rio’s entrance by Rodriguez is cut off before it starts by Santino who makes fun of Rodriguez and not understand what the fuck he’s saying.

 

They are doing a rolling-R shit. Stupid.

 

Ricardo takes the cobra to the face before intro’ing Alberto himself. Ha.

 

Cole takes this opportunity to put over RAW’s 1000th episode, this shit gets a video package too. ANNND it says we’re going 3 hours… sigh. So not looking forward to that shit.

 

ADR finally rolls into the arena in a dope ass old school Rolls Royce.

 

Santino bounces so I guess he ain’t taking him on…!?

 

Del Rio has to take on Orton, ah crap… boring.

 

Commercial break and this motherfucker made a live by driving a “funny” car… and its NOT a clown car… fucking red necks, I tell ya. 😉

 

Lawler breaks down logic about if Show was signed on Saturday then why wasn’t he fired for interfering… Cole tries to save this fuck up by saying Show wasn’t hired until Monday morning that it was just a verbal agreement on Saturday. Nice try WWE but you done fucked up this one…

 

Orton and Del Rio finally starts…

 

Another fucking break… another bad USA channel show.

 

I love how swimming in a pool is a “sport”, so stupid. haha!

 

Diablo III commercial and someone right now just jazzed themselves.

 

I’m not drunk enough for this, pausing to make another drink, please hold…

 

ok I am back and some bitch is telling me how to raise my dog… OH HELLZ NO BITCH! I will get ghetto on you!

 

Another commercial with USA sucking its own wiener doodle.

 

Oh hey back to this match.

 

Orton does do a nice rolling powerslam although I am over the horizontal DDT already.

 

Jericho runs out and gives Orton a Codebreaker for the DQ.

 

Winner: Del Rio by DQ.

 

This gets a you suck chant by the crowd.

 

Y2J keeps repeating that he’s the best in the world at what he does… we get it home boy.

 

Another code breaker before Jericho goes back to yelling.

 

Another code breaker. Ok end the segment, we get it.

 

I have zero patience tonight apparently.

 

 

A serious bearded Daniel Bryan does the walk in the back. So glad this feud isn’t over yet.

 

 

Too many commercials tonight… mmm Chili’s.

 

I’m going back to looking at titties during breaks, this is crap!

 

 

I hate the Over the Limit theme song.

 

 

Daniel Bryan is out next! No dance to the ring, very serious tonight. He gets a YES! chant.

 

He should be champion right now then shows us footage of last night of Punk tapping out.

 

He goes into a question and answer bit where he says yes to questions and the crowd sounds mixed. YES/NO.

 

Punk shows up to remind Bryan that he goes pinned last night and footage of the shenanigans of Friday night with Kane is shown. Which leads to Bryan taking on Kane….

 

 

Hopefully Bryan can have a good match with Bryan. Punk’s on commentary.

 

Kane and Bryan exchange a few before Bryan dives onto Kane on the outside.

 

Punk picks up a chair only to have Bryan take it from him.

 

Kane sees Bryan with it and this fool isn’t happy.

 

Kane hits him with the chair for the DQ.

 

Winner: Bryan by DQ

 

Chokeslam by Kane to Bryan in the ring… and another.

 

Two DQ matches thus far… awesome.

 

Punk comes in and puts the anaconda vice on Bryan, he taps quickly and the feud continues thankfully.

 

 

I think I’m pretty drunk, fuck I hate when I forget which drink I left off on, portion control folks.

 

 

Punk all smiley face in the back when AJ wants to chat. AJ plays up bat shit crazy to a TEE! Good shit. Punk tries to console her while he hugs her… Punk says he digs crazy chicks. HAHA! She goes back to crying.

 

 

HHH / Heyman recap. Cole tells us HHH is talking to WWE legal…

 

 

New Intercontinental Champion Christian is intro’d, he taking on… another fucking commercial?! Come on!

 

Recap of last night on how he wont the title again.

 

And its…. Jinder Mahal who gets the match.. you fucking kidding me?!

 

Mahal has a glass box for his hat… so you’re going to get over with a glass box and hat… ok man, make your paper boo boo.

 

Something about Jinder bugs me, but I cant figure out what it is…

 

Christian finally wins this shit with a kill switch and a frog splash. Nice official addition.

 

 

Kelly Kelly does the vapid and vacant walk in the back….

 

 

My bomb ass wife just brought me a tasty treat, suck it WWE!

 

 

Big Show recap of his ass threatening Cena… right into…

 

 

… Kelly Kelly. Oh if she would just stand there, not talk and just look pretty. She’s taking on Beth Phoenix.

 

Beth clotheslines Kelly from behind during her fippity doo into the corner… fuck.

 

Glamslam and pin.

 

Winner: Phoenix.

 

 

Laurinaitis does the stroll drive-by in the back.

 

 

Can’t wait to get my Clash of the Champions Bluray! These use to be so fucking good. I hope they got Midnight Express matches on it. #olddork

 

 

If they are showing a shit ton of commercials now, can you imagine when they are actually THREE hours!? Fuck a doodle doo!

 

 

Sheamus and Cena out for the main event…

 

Vicki is out to intro Swagger and Ziggler who are 2/3 of this match. They should be tag team champions.

 

Lord Tensai is their partner… No fancy outfit and he just gets called “Tensai”, he’s not a lord anymore apparently.

 

Lumberjacks are all Laurinaitis cronies.

 

Laurinaitis comes out to watch the match from the stage.

 

Ziggler is the first to get thrown out but the lumberjacks ain’t doing shit.

 

But when Sheamus does they try to jump on him but he takes most of them out.

 

Albert chants. Dude is never going to shed that shit.

 

Back from another break and Sheamus is kept cornered.

 

Ready for this show to end.

 

Big Show wanders out to the stage while Cole tries to put over that show didn’t get signed until the wee hours of the morning, the cover up continues.

 

Caught one of the dogs watching this shit. At least he’s entertained.

 

Sheamus finally makes the hot tag while Ziggler makes him look like a million bucks.

 

Sheamus and Cena and ganged up on by the lumberjacks… the milks gone bad folks.

 

The goody goodys spill out to fill the ring with a big ol’ brawl.

 

Why are we focusing on this so much… oh right, its because Cena’s now in the back looking for Big Show. He finds him and gets knocked the fuck out again.

 

Finally the end!

 

See you fuckers next week… or if I get brave enough to do TNA but we shall see about that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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