03-12-12 WWE RAW SUPERSHOW

by

20 NIGHTS FROM WRESTLEMANIA BITCHES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREAT PUMA! I’ve known Puma for a long time now and I’m proud of calling him my good friend. No matter what he’s been there for me, something I can’t say about a lot of people. He is as real as they get. Anyhow, enough of this knobb sucking let’s get on with this shit!

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Jerry Lawler starts us off talking about the Rock concert and the Cena rap… He then intro’s Cena who comes out to Basic Thuganomics. Oh shit, fool comes out hat to the back and the bike chain! NICE! Please bring it tonight bitch! Oh shit what if THIS was the change Cena needed… which was taking back to (his) ol’ school! He’s even playing up the “thug” look, please let this be at least decent… lets see here… he start’s ok but basic. He’s done better… oh shit, that dude just called Rock, Miami Fried Chicken Shit! Nice showing by Cena. Stick with this bitch.

Vicki is out before Cole and Lawler can finish the HBK/Taker confrontation for later. So much heat on Vicki. She intros Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph Ziggler w/Vicki vs. Sheamus

-Ziggler “shows off” to start.

-Sheamus takes over keeping Ziggler grounded.

-back from break Sheamus is still on top.

-Ziggler sent to the outside with a hip toss.

-Vicki causes the distraction for Ziggler to take over.

-Sheamus sent into the announce table, isn’t that a DQ??

-Sheamus is WELTED!

-Ziggler with kicks and punches to Sheamus to keep him down.

-neck breaker by Ziggler for a 2 count.

-Daniel Bryan and AJ in a luxary box with Josh. He asks them about Bryan telling AJ to shut up. Bryan gets pissy and says AJ is cool with shit.

-Sheamus makes a comeback, catches Ziggler who was coming from the top.

-Sheamus attempts the backbreaker but Ziggler escapes.

-Sheamus turns that into the Kryptonite Crunch.

-But Ziggler turns THAT into a crucifix rollup for a close two.

-Sheamus brings Ziggler on shit shoulders and kind of fucks up whatever he was trying and just tosses Ziggler.

-Sheamus sent into the corner then Ziggler hits his high leg drop for another close 2.

-brogue kick out of nowhere…1..2..THREEE!

Winner: Sheamus

Good match I thought. They show Bryan watching the match all serious.

Its official, Team Long vs. Team Laurinaitis for the rights to BOTH shows… dreading this.

Laurinaitis comes down to the ring waving like a retard on Halloween to ringside for commentary.

United States Champion Santino w/Aksana vs. David Otunga…. & Mark Henry

-Santino is captaining Long’s team… uh… well that couldn’t be more blatant that Laurinaitis is winning at Mania.

-Otunga is the captain for Team Laurinaitis… jobber match.

-Laurinaitis changes the mixed tag match to a handicap match adding Henry.

-Long comes down to ringside to argue with Laurinaitis.

-Pushing match with Long getting the best of Laurinaitis pushing him over in the chair.

-Santino with Cobra but Henry stops it, hits the WSS for the pin.

Winners: Otunga & Henry

After the match Otunga and Henry slam around Santino until Kofi comes out and makes the save. This doesn’t last long… at all. WSS for Kofi. Truth is now out but gets beaten down, Urange by Otunga. Big splash by Henry on Truth. Laurinaitis then comes into the ring, he intros Mark Henry as part of Team Laurinaitis. Teddy Long looks on looking like he’s in over his head. Dude needs main event friends.

Miz on Psych is highlighted. Its Wayne Brady bitch. Lawler brings up Miz not being at WrestleMania.

Recap of Cena’s rhyme.

Footage of Extra where that chick Maria on that show interviews Fox and the Bella’s. Fox says she is preparing by looking for an outfit… Bella picks Cena for Mania.

Zack Ryder in the back when he walks in with Eve. Ryder dug the kiss but asks her if she is playing him… bad acting. She said he’s playing himself and wants to be friends with benefits. Beth Phoenix walks in all pissy about the Extra bullshit and is going to go hit up that Maria chick.

Ryder walks off and Phoenix and Eve talk about wrapping Ryder around Beth’s finger but Eve isn’t having it.

Laurinaitis on the phone when the Miz walks in. Crowd cheers for him. He wants to know when he will be announced as a member of Team Laurinaitis. He intros the white dude from Psych and asks Laurinaitis a rhetorical question that he “doesn’t” know the answer to, which is if he knows who’s on Psych this week… white dude wants to be slapped by Alicia Fox. Miz needs to win his match tonight to get into the match and white dude is going to do ring announcing. Miz gets Cena tonight. Laurinaitis is a horrible actor.

Oh shiiiiiiiiiiit, the Funkasaurus is back!

Jinder Mahal vs. Brodus Clay

-Mahal has a case for his head dress…

-somebody call my momma!

-Mahal jumps Clay from behind.

-this doesn’t last long head butt by Clay.

-t bone by Clay into the running splash for the quick win.

Winner: Clay

Dancing commences after the match.

HBK doing the walk in the back!

MGK is in the crowd, apparently the dude is white.

HBK is now out. Cole says something about HBK not losing when he refs his matches? Did I hear that wrong?? He gets right to the point with ref’ing the match at Mania and how HHH didn’t know this was happening. He recaps clips from last week and how no one has called him a loser to his face. He brings up how someone has been gone for a couple of weeks and how he is here tonight. He then calls The Undertaker out… boy, Shawn’s really going cross eyed lately…

Taker comes out with the hood covering his head still. HBK starts off saying they’ve always had respect for each other and how they did something that can stand the test of time. Shawn then claims Taker was talking behind his back and he thought he would say it to Shawn’s face. Taker questions who’s words he was speaking either his own or Hunter’s. HBK says Taker is STILL looking for validation because HHH beat his ass last year. Taker says win or lose he’s prepared to accept the outcome but not HBK sticking his ego in his shit. Taker wants whatever happens at Mania to be pure and if its not there will be hell to pay. Shawn says this is all ironic as Taker ended HBK’s career but its HBK that can turn this on Taker and cost him everything, especially the streak. HBK tries to leave but Taker stops him to tell Michael’s that he’s going to end an era and if Shawn doesn’t do shit ring, he’s going to end him. Shawn takes a step back before patting Taker on the arm and leaving.

Good old school shit right here. I miss THIS kind of shit.

HHH comes out to the stage to see HBK walk to the back. Hunter and Taker stare a bit before HHH gives Taker the crotch chop.

We get a graphic for Punk vs. Miz… uh… didn’t they say Cena earlier!?!?

Guest ring announcer comes out… James Roday aka the white guy on the show.

Haha! He announces himself as “the white guy from Psych”.

WWE Champion CM Punk vs. The Miz

-seriously, did I hear this match wrong earlier??

-Roday intro’s the Miz for a mixed reaction in his home town.

-kicks to the legs of Miz.

-Miz comes back with a high knee.

-back from break with a Miz abdominal stretch.

-Punk breaks out.

-kick to the head of Miz for the springboard clothesline.

-neck breaker by Punk.

-high knee and bulldog by Punk.

-Miz fights off the GTS.

-leg lariat by Punk for a 2.

-short DDT by Miz for a 2½

-Miz fights out of the GTS and teases the SCF.

-Punk fights out locks the anaconda vice and Miz taps.

Winner: Punk

Roday doesn’t sound happy to announce Punk as champion. Y2J comes up on the tron to congratulate Punk then wants to tell people why Punk is straightedge and says Punk’s dad was an alcoholic and how he doesn’t want to end up like him. How Punk will end up like his dad. How Punk craves alcohol to deal with his pain but Punk dealt with it with tattoo’s and the pain it gives you. How he’s going to drink to cope with losing to Jericho. Jericho says after Mania he will be champion and he will be known just like his father a pathetic drunk. Punk looks emotion but the crowd still chants for him. Punk is speechless and leaves. Damn there is a twist… they could have just used the “best in the world” shit but they had to go ALL the way… Sad faced Punk leaves.

David Otunga Law Office commercial… what?

Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger w/Vicki

-Orton stomps on Swagger then hits a standing dropkick before Swagger is thrown to the outside.

-Swagger sent into the steel steps then taken head first into the announce table.

-Orton keeps looking around.

-back from the break Swagger with the arm lock.

-Orton fights out.

-Swagger clips the knee of Orton.

-Jack teases the ankle lock but instead hits the leg drag DDT.

-Swagger works on the leg as Orton tries to fight him off.

-Swagger bomb is missed when Orton moves.

-Swagger gets on the ankle lock out of nowhere.

-Orton fights him off.

-hangman on the top rope from Orton.

-Orton superplex!

-Cole says we don’t usually see that move… actually we do fool.

-RKO chant.

-rolling powerslam by Orton.

-vertical DDT by Orton.

-Orton sets up the RKO, hits it and pins Swagger like no big deal.

Winner: Orton

After the match Kane’s pyro hits while Orton is still in the ring. Everything goes red as Orton keeps looking around.

Recap of Cena from earlier.

Rock is up next!

HBK, HHH and Taker will all be in the same place next week. Cena takes on Mark Henry next week.

Rock is indeed next out with his guitar. He plays up to the crowd on the stage a bit… looks more like Dwayne Johnson is here… it almost sounded like a mixed reaction but it turns quick. We get a “finally…” that gets everyone on the same page. He tells the crowd they broke a record tonight in Cleveland. Rock points to his goose bumps. “Rocky” chant. He sucks up to the crowd and gets them to chant “Cleveland”. He calls Cena, a sell out and calls him Marky Mark. He cuts a promo on what Cena looked like. He said that wasn’t Cena and makes a teletubby joke… timely. Rock then shows a picture of Vanilla Ice + Teletubby = Cena. Rock then sits for his song. He said this isn’t about a 2 minute rock because Cleveland rocks. Rock starts his song on Cena to the toon of Jailhouse Rock. Rock does it like only he can, clowning on Cena while continually putting over Cleveland. Very Mick Foley of him. He then sings a “true story” on Cena and his doctor and a rectal exam. Rock is reading, still don’t care. Now Rock has a song on Cena and Eve. He’s got divorce jokes. Haha. Rock moves onto the day Cena was born and his “lady parts”, funny. Another “Rocky” chant. He then asks for grown men who are Cena fans. He points out a few in the crowd and how hard it is to be them. The crowd wants Rock to shit on these dudes in song which he does. He makes nerd jokes… I take this personal and cry in the corner holding my Chewbacca action figure. He moves on to the ladies in the crowd then makes a joke about being with Cena’s mom, oh shit son! Haha!

Rock then says there is only one song to end the Rock concert before going into his Rock-isms. He leads the crowd in Queens “We Will Rock You”… its like the biggest Karaoke in history… Rock is kind of fucking this up. Crowd adds ‘Cena Sucks’ to the song. Rock finishes this with a “…Rock is cookin”.

Solid night of old school shit. You almost forget there is a current roster after a night like this. Rock got a lot of time tonight. I hate to say it but this had more Dwayne still than Rock… is it just me?? Good but still more Dwayne.

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2 Responses to “03-12-12 WWE RAW SUPERSHOW”

  1. zankarne Says:

    All the best Puma 🙂 May WWE give you a nice after birthday present in form of a spectacular PPV

    And Laringitis did say “the WWE Champion CM Punk” in the back, not Cena.

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