2011 WWE SLAMMY AWARDS

by

 

Who’s ready for an awards show!?… three hours at that…

Tell Me I Just Didn’t See That Award

-Booker is out to present this shit with Hornswoggle sporting an afro…

-Booker

-Hornswoggle talks ghetto apparently and sounds like he’s staying “shit” more like “sheeeeet”.

-the nominees are JR dancing, Santino almost winning the Royal Rumble, a little Jimmy causing Truth a match with Cena and Miz dressed as The Rock then hitting Cena with a Rock Bottom.

-winner, JR dancing…?!

-JR makes a dancing joke when Michael Cole cuts him off then ends up in the ring to talk shit about JR’s award. Booker then talks shit to Cole then sets up a…rap off… Cole vs. JR…. fuck.

 

Jim Ross w/Booker T & Hornswoggle vs. Michael Cole – Rap off

-Cole goes first in this shit sandwich getting made here. Cole rhymes words together, baggin’ on JR.

-Booker clowns Cole then gives the mic to JR. JR does a worse job than Cole. They need to stop fucking with Ross already…

-crowd picks JR.

-so dumb.

-Booker wants to see a JR spinaroonie… fuck. Cole brings up this shit as tending on twitter… he didn’t specific good or bad…

-Ross did something… it was… oh nevermind.

 

I officially hate this night. Let’s move on please…

 

Foley is in the back to hand out another one of these fucking awards.

 

Holy Sh*t! Moment of the Year

-Foley is out with OG Ted DiBiase. They joke about being the richest and cheapest guys. Bad jokes ensure.

-our nominees are… Sheamus for putting Sin Cara through a ladder. Orton hitting the RKO to Christian on the steel steps, Show & Henry breaking the ring, Bourne hitting the shooting star from the ladder on the outside.

-Big Show and Mark Henry win.

-Show’s out to accept, then talks shit about his co-winner. He says something about stuff then goes to the ring.

 

The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett

-Barrett comes out and yip yaps about what he is going to do to Orton and Show if he wins the belt…

-big shoulder block by Big Show.

-Show teases putting Barrett through the table but Wade fights out and sends Show into the ringpost.

-Wade goes for the top when Show is on the table but Show stands up and basically punches THROUGH the fucking table! that looked impressive even for a gimmicked table!

-Barrett then brings a chair into the ring only to be bitched out of that too and clotheslines over the top.

Winner: Big Show by DQ

 

Barrett gets the fuck out of Dodge.

 

I like how they put over the TLC PPV by showing clips with John Morrison in them, fucking assholes. Haha.

 

I cant believe they are really going with HHH vs. Nash in a LADDER match…

 

Road Dog Jesse James is out to present the next award! Is this TNA?! Haha

 

His Twitter is WWEroaddog… he’s back??

 

Pipe Bomb of the Year

-a bunch of clips where shown including Truth, Punk, Santino, Stone Cold, Christian, Miz, Booker on commentary, The Rock shitting on Cena, Punk shitting on Nash, Fink freezing up. So this is just an award for fuck ups…. ?!!?

-Punk wins.

-He comes out with a mannequin with a blond wig and a Dynamic Dudes t-shirt.

-he thanks all kinds of people we generally don’t know.

-he wants to give thanks to someone back stage who should be in his place. Then calls them boring and other negative not nice things about John Laurinaitis then goes into a video mantoge on his career to that song “The Touch” by Stan Bush… from the animated Transformers movie!!! Haha! He’s got wrestling clips cut in with RAD, DUDE, GNARLY at the end.

-Punk does a pretty good impression of Ace.

 

Only an hour in and I’m pretty bored.

 

Tribute to the Troops is tomorrow, FYI.

 

Diva-lishous Moment of the Year

-Lita is out for this award! She looks way better than her mug shot! She goes over her own moments…

-nominees are Natalya with the double sharpshooter, Kelly winning the title, Kharma’s debut and beating on McCool, Phoenix with the glam slam off the top rope.

-winner is, Kelly… Kelly…

-She’s out in her Sunday best…I mean stripper outfit.

-Kelly doesn’t get a word in when Phoeniz and Natalya come out to cause trouble… Beth gets slapped and they bitch off… the fuck!?

 

OMG Moment of the Year

-Santino will present this one with the Bella’s. I like the pretty one.

-Santino makes pronounces OMG… while the Bella’s correct him on O-M-G. bad jokes here.

-HHH tombstones Taker at WrestleMania, Rock Bottom to Cena at WrestleMania, Superstars Walk out (stupid), Punk leaves the WWE with the title.

-…Taker kicking out of HHH’s tombstone… are you fucking kidding me.

-this fool returns with sledgehammer in hand, he poses a lot in the ring… very forced “HHH” chant for this.

-HHH says the OMG moment was when Taker couldn’t leave the ring on his own and carried off. HHH says the streak came to an end that night… oh no we’re getting Mania match 3?!?!

-he recaps his beat down by HHH with a video. This was really 2 months ago!?

-he calms he’s back…

-he says he’s “right” about a bunch of stuff in regards to Nash. So scary.

-Santino tries to give HHH his award only to be sent to the back so he can pose on the stage… hog.

 

David Otunga is out for the next award… yippy…

 

Trending Star of the Year

“Internet Champion” Zack Ryder vs. United States Champion Dolph Ziggler vs. Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes vs. MITB Winner Daniel Bryan

-are you fucking kidding me with this award!?

-Otunga is our with Tony Atlas. Otunga is out with his mug… classy. Atlas just does his stupid laugh at Otunga. Atlas says he’s laughing at him

-apparently the top four trending stars will fight in a 4 way tonight… Cody, Bryan, Ziggler, Ryder… so this is like the I-C Title of awards?

-we get the match right now.

-lets go Bryan chant.

-Ryder and Bryan land separate dives to the outside, nice!

-Bryan gets the running boot to the face from Ryder.

-Nice exchange by Ryder and Bryan.

-Cody and Dolph decide not to go at it and instead beat on Bryan and Ryder.

-Ziggler and Rhodes argue after a pin attempt. Well that lasted…

-nice pin exchange by Cody and Bryan, they kept reversing it! solid.

-Cody almost pins Ziggler with an Alabama Slam.

-strong comeback by Bryan before he’s cut off on the top.

-Ryder is also caught on the top, Cody and Ziggler hit matching superplexes!!!

-solid match thus far!

-this is awesome chant.

-Cody lends a big but accidental assist to Ryder thrusting him over onto Ziggler with a rough rider!

-Cody then catches Ryder with the crossroads but Bryan grabs Cody in the Labell Lock, NO Ziggler with the sleeper, Bryan fights out but gets hit with the zig zag for the win!

Winner: Ziggler

 

Jerry Lawler comes in the ring with a Slammy and we find out… ZACK RYDER wins the award! Ziggler is pissed and jumps Ryder and poses with his Slammy. Shameful. Cole is disappointed with us for voting like this.

 

Game Changer of the Year

-Christian comes out in crutches to present the next award, he’s sporting a neck brace too. Haha.

-He wants to give himself the made up award of Courageous Moment of the Year for showing up tonight even though he’s injured.

-he’s pissed he’s not nominated for this or Superstar of the Year. He craps on the “universe” and wants ONE more match for the World Championship.

-nominees… Mr. McMahon and HHH when Vince got booted, Edge retiring, Kevin Nash for jumping Punk forcing him to lose the Title. Cena & Rock for chatty stuff in buildup for WrestleMania.

-The Rock challenging Cena for WrestleMania wins.

-Cena comes out to his usual mixed bag.

-Christian cautiously leaves.

-Cena says this moment happened with a team and introduces us to The Rock and point to the stage… people realize isn’t here and Cena clowns him for not being here and sending a video package… which we don’t have either.

-he calls this worse that JR’s rap then apologizes for Team Bring It for not bringing it. He hopes this fuels Rock for WrestleMania.

-he promises to give his very best at WrestleMania… how he and Rock are going to change the game forever.

 

WWE Champion CM Punk & Randy Orton vs. The Miz & Alberto Del Rio

-slow placed start with a couple of tags until Miz takes the advantage.

-nice dropkick to the back of Orton’s neck who was in the seated position.

-Cole wants to talk about JR tweets… I hate all this twitter bullshit. Apparently JR posted his entire rap that he forgot… so he KNEW this was coming!

-Punk is in and teases the GTS but ADR slips out sending Punk into Miz who hits the cheap shot.

-Punk is cornered by ADR & Miz.

-Miz goes for the SCF, Punk escapes and he teases the GTS before both end up on the mat.

-Del Rio stops the hot tag and Barrett comes out of nowhere and takes Orton out.

-Miz finally gets the SCF on Punk for the win.

Winner: Miz & Del Rio

 

Orton heads out into the crowd while Miz and Del Rio celebrate. Match was good.

 

After the match Rodriguez has Miz and ADR a ladder which they use on Punk. Del Rio puts Punk in the arm breaker while his arm is in a ladder. Miz then yells at Punk proclaiming that one of the them will take the title off him.

 

Another Kane video. Mask? no mask? That is the question… what about a Big Van Vader style mask?

 

A-Lister of the Year

-Vicki is out for this one… and GOLDUST!

-Goldust proclaims she wears more make up than her.

-nominees… Hugh Jackman, The Muppets, Snooki, Cee-Lo.

-Snooki wins… she ain’t here but has a video… she says its “freakin’ awesome”… she shouts out Ryder.

-Vicki wasn’t happy about any of this mess.

 

Josh in the back with World Champion Mark Henry. Henry’s gonna murder some dudes tonight like Cena.

 

Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal

-Jinder says stuff in two languages, no one cared either way.

-Jinder walks into a brog kick… and they call it off…?!

Winner: no contest…?

 

Superstar of the Rey Mysterio

-Rey Mysterio is out to present this award. He puts over the award because the fans decide it. A serious promo for an award, hmph.

-nominees are… Orton, Miz, Punk, Del Rio, Henry, Cena.

-CM Punk wins.

-He doesn’t come out but John Laurinaitis does. He reminds us who he is and the main event for this Sunday. He says Punk is in no condition to access the award so he will for him…

-anticlimactic.

 

Henry’s walk is interrupted by another cryptic video. Today’s secret word is… “control”.

 

WWE does something nice for a mom overseas and shows her kid and husband at ringside.

 

World Champion Mark Henry vs. John Cena

-Cole puts over Henry feeling besmirched last week by Cena.

-typical reaction to Cena. stop cheering/booing, it will make him go away.

-after the break Henry on top.

-Cena tries to slam Henry but he can’t hold him up and falls back.

-Henry is crushing Cena’s head with his hands.

-Cena finally breaks this will a fall away slam.

-YCSM fist bump.

-Cena tries for the AA but it he buckles.

-bear hug by Henry.

-Cena breaks out but walks into a world strongest slam.

-both are down when the lights go out and KANE’s music hits!

-he has something covering his face, looks like a Demolition mask.

-Herny bounces but Kane chokeslams Cena!

-Kane removes this mask where he’s wearing a variation of his place mask, WITH HAIR. Haha!

Winner: no contest.

 

Interesting they bring him back masked, ala Rey when he came to the WWE. This smells of a rushed last minute ppv match ala TNA…

At least we got one solid 4 way.

 

 

 

 

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