11-17-11 IMPACT WRESTLING

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I’m back on IMPACT duty, yay…

So Robert Roode, turns on Storm and cheats his way in matches agains Styles and Storm. That’s all I got to explain the last couple of weeks. If TNA can rush what could have been a long great build, then I don’t need to devote enough time on this shit.

 

TNA Champion Robert Roode comes out and shits on Fortune before Storm comes out. They bicker back and forth which just seems weird seeing as they were just huggy and kissy the last time I watched this mess. Storm tries to rush the ring but security holds him back while Roode just looks on. Styles comes out of nowhere and jumps Roode before security breaks this up.

 

After the break Styles is yelling at Roode, yeah its still going on… they bicker more and this brings out Sting. Great. He makes rules n stuff.

 

Wait, this is STILL going on… Roode is now accosting Dixie which gets her trampled by Styles accidentally.  I guess they know they need to work quick on Roode or this is dead…

 

Storm in the back when Samoa Joe walks up. Apparently he knows it wasn’t Roode who fucked him up last week oh and another brawl, Kazarian and Devon break this one up.

 

Oh so many fucking brawls on TNA tv.

 

After the break Sting pushes Roode in the back, he’s angry face about what happened out there with Dixie. Roode threatens a lawsuit if Sting messes with his ass again.

 

TNA TV Champion Robbie E w/Rob Terry vs. Devon w/The Pope

-oh look new champion, didn’t realize. At least we can kill this bullshit with Eric Young walking around with the old TNA Title.

-Devon chant. Wasn’t he working out cause he ain’t looking it right now.

-Pope gets involved when he slaps Robbie the gets him jumped by Terry.

-Devon’s kids jump the rails to check on Pope, this causes the pin distraction as Eric Young runs out with a chair.

Winner: Robbie E

 

Devon’s kids push dad cause he wants them to leave but they want to check on new daddy, Pope.

 

Sting and Garrett in the back, ugh. He wants Gunner… he walks off and besties Matt Morgan and Crimson come on loving on each other. Sting brings up that they are losing tag teams and makes the Mexican’s vs. these two. They look pissy about it even though, hey it’s a title match. they end up agreeing.

 

This Direct Auto insurance really takes you out of the moment…

 

Flair and Bischoff in the locker room, its pretty literal. Sting walks in and said he rewrote Bischoff’s contract. Eric isn’t fazed but Sting’s onto his shenanigans and says Garrett is going through Immortal… Christ. Sting keeps yelling that Garrett CAN wrestling, please stop this… Flair said “don’t worry Eric we’re in Garrett’s corner”… no no I think you meant Sting is…

 

X Division Champion Austin Aries & Kid Kash vs. Brian Kendrick & Jesse Sorensen

-why the FUCK is Sorensen coming down to the ring with a football, is that his gimmick?! Retarded.

-Kendrick just looks dirty, stinky.

-nice exchange by Sorensen and Kash.

-Aries and Kash have tension which leads to Aries calling him a dick and walks out on him.

-Kash misses the moonsault, Sorensen hits the inverted Cross roads for the pin.

Winner: Sorensen & Kendrick

 

They said “dick” on TV…

 

Karen, Gail, Madison and Traci in the back talking about some shit. Traci is still their bitch.

 

Anderson is playing a football video game when Storm walks in, he’s question who jump him. Ken says its not him. Storm unplugs his XBOX, that’s not cool dude.

 

10 Knockout Gauntlet  

-winner gets a title shot.

-Sky puts away Rosita and Tessmacher.

-Love rolls up Sky.

-Mickie beats Love with a super kick.

-Serita needs new gear, she gets an tornado DDT and pinned by James.

-Tara and James do a little chain wrestling before another DDT by James. Good exchange by them.

-another kick by James to put away Winter.

-Thesz Press from the top to pin ODB.

-ODB keeps beating on James before Rayne comes out.

-camo is the look of the night.

-cocky Rayne gets rolled up in seconds for the James win.

Winner: Mickie James is the #1 contender

 

Much less painful than a diva match.

 

Bully Ray yelling at a little girl before Storm stops him and gets in his face. Ray says he didn’t jump Storm he’s got too much going on with Abyss but he knows who did it. Ray tries to get Storm to join Immortal, that gets shot down.

 

Oh look Jeff Hardy is heading to the ring…

 

Garrett is going to show Gunner tonight… oh god this is really happening.

 

Jeff Hardy’s entrance graphics are bush league. Apparently he beat Jeff Jarrett at the ppv, three times. He gets a chant before he yaps liking fans, wanting a title shot, etc. Karen Jarrett comes out and gets in Hardy’s face, said she going to put him in his place. How is she the best heel on this show?! Sad. Apparently she yaps for too long cause now she’s fucking up. She then shit talks Hardy’s wife and tells Hardy to hit her cause he’s not a real man. Hardy’s terrible on the mic here. This almost gets him slapped when Jeff Jarrett jumps Hardy. Hardy wins this one even though it was Karen who carried this bit.

 

Mexican America play up the stereotype un the back.

 

Flair, Bischoff and Gunner talk about his match with Garrett tonight.

 

Tag Team Champions Mexican America w/Serita & Rosita vs. Crimson & Matt Morgan

-Mexicans don’t have to look like this anymore people, its 2011. Look at Alberto Del Rio, he pulls that off well without having to play the ghetto role.

-M.A. keep the advantage and Crimson cornered.

-hot tag to Morgan

-carbon footprint on Anarchia for the pin and the titles.

Winners: new Tag Team Champions, Matt Morgan & Crimson

 

Storm in the back says he thinks he knows who did this to him.

 

Garrett and Sting do the walk… this is happening.

 

Garrett Bischoff w/Sting vs. Gunner w/Eric Bischoff & Ric Flair

-this is not a good idea…

-Kid is going to wrestle in pants and black converse.

-Not long before Gunner stops this kid in his tracks.

-Bischoff causes a distraction that doesn’t make Sting very happy face.

-Gunner beats on Garrett until he comes back with a botchy tornado DDT for the win…

Winner: Garrett Bischoff

 

Dear god, in a year they’ve going to make this kid champion aren’t they… sigh.

 

James Storm ends the show by coming down to tell us who jumped his ass last week. He plays up not being correct because he’s country or some shit. He’s not a bitch like the rest of the people in the back then calls out AJ Styles…? He comes out still playing up getting beat up by Roode. He calls out AJ to tell him what he thinks and AJ plays up that he wasn’t involved with this nonsense. Storm point out how AJ goes 2 title shots since he got jumped. AJ points at Sting for those matches and goes to leave and they are about to go to blows when Kazarian comes out and pushes both off. Kazarian pulls AJ away and he walks him off. Drama.

 

Storm starts to leave when Kurt Angle comes out from under the ring and jumps Storm. He takes him into the rings steps head first then gets Angle Slammed in the ring. Angle gets on the mic and proclaims he beat him up last week. On no!

 

End of show. God do I dare say that was A LOT less painful than RAW?! I really didn’t hate this shit like I usually do, didn’t love it but definitely didn’t hate it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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