11-07-11 RAW SUPERSHIT

by

Douche bags are in Liverpool England but we have no William Regal… just a lot of squash matches…

Crowd shits on Cena as he comes out smiling like an asshole. He shills WrestleMania ticket says and brings up The Rock which gets a “Rocky” chant. Of course Cena has to make jokes the he isn’t in England. He’s got unfunny jokes then tries us to believe we should give a fuck about tonight’s RAW more so than next week when Rock is on the show. He’s taking on Truth & Miz tonight who then come out to the stage. They try to get themselves over even bringing up how Miz beat Cena at WrestleMania which others haven’t been able to do. They feel embarrassed after last week and that wont happen ever again then threaten Cena. Cena cuts off doing Antoine Dodson jokes, timely. Miz and Truth jump Cena and he gets saved by…ZACK RYDER! Crowd gives him a sold pop! Good shit for Ryder here.

 

Ziggler and Vicki do the walk… he’s got Morrison tonight… the commercial for next week’s RAW gets a better pop than that announcement from my Boston Terrier and Chihuahua.

 

There is a britsh phone booth on the stage… I wish it was a blue police box… sigh.

 

United States Champion Dolph Ziggler w/Vick vs. John Morrison

-Morrison’s got pyro again. Its been a while right?

-Cole’s brings up Morrison being in a “funk” and how he’s going to change that or so says his Twitter account…

-Ziggler on top from the get go.

-Cole puts over Ryder’s Twitter petition for a US Title match.

-Twitter, Twitter, Twitter.

-Morrison tries to make short come-backs but it cut off.

-nice European uppercut by Ziggler.

-slower paced match.

-we get a dual “lets go Ziggler/Ziggler sucks” chant for Ziggler. Hmph

-Nice exchanges and reversals with near fall attempts.

-Morrison gets the springboard kick that eventually leads to a pin.

Winner: Morrison

 

Pretty good match here but maybe have Morrison beat someone else seeing as Ryder is “trying to get the next title shot”.

 

The official Survivor Series theme sucks donkey shit. Shocking.

 

They announced 5 on 5 Survivor Series match with Orton, Sheamus, Kofi, Mason Ryan, Sin Cara vs. Barrett, Rhodes, Swagger, Christian & Hunico… Barrett should be the captain! That should be Cody’s fucking team.

 

Mason Ryan vs. JTG

-JTG still works here!? Safe to say what kind of match this is going to be…

-oh and a video package for Ryan too… this better be quick.

-blatant squash.

-weak press slam by Ryan into a… yup full nelson into a uranage slam.

Winner: Ryan

 

They put over WrestleMania in Miami. Great Puma will be there LIVE!!! Looking forward to that shit!

 

Bella’s yapping about some shit when Ryder runs up saying it aint going to be like last time when he got jumped.

 

We here from Kevin Nash tonight… awesome.

 

Cole says the Cole Challenge wont be on tonight either then shits JR… stupid.

 

Ricardo Rodriguez is out for intros.

 

WWE got Google+ probably the biggest thing for Google+ to happen so far.

 

WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Kofi Kingston

-so it looks like Kofi is on singles duty again since Bourne got popped.

-Kofi gets sidestepped on his dive to the outside. Ouch.

-Del Rio manhandles him into the ringpost, then arm drop into the arm breaker.

-high priced jobber match.

Winner: Del Rio

 

This show is old school WWE Superstars thus far. Del Rio locks in the arm breaker again until Punk’s music hits and he gets a solid pop! He just stands on the stage… and we go to break!? Uh ok… after the break Punk is now in the ring listening to ADR yap yap about the shenanigans last week with him weaseling a title show. The crowd is chanting various things, some of it you can’t make out. Punk takes a bit to pick up steam on the mic but finally does. He claims that he’s going to make the WWE Title interesting after he wins it back. Del Rio wants the match canceled, but this gets a big NO from Punk and the crowd. This breaks down fast with both taunting their submission moves. This ends with Rodriguez getting a G2S.

 

Commercial for the Bret vs. Shawn DVD which by the way was awesome!

 

Muppets recap from last week with interviews with them about last week.

 

Jack Swagger w/Vicki vs. Santino

-Swagger video shown before the match being all sad faced losing with the help of a Muppet.

-Nice reaction for Santino

-“Santino” chant while he’s getting beat on.

-Cole spends most of the match talking about himself and JR. Its annoying.

-Swagger’s gimmick now is twitchy eye!? Come on…

-he gets on the ankle lock for the tap out.

-all night squash

Winner: Swagger

 

Kelly does the walk… oh no. Lawler ends up in the ring after the break and intros Kelly she’s got the cover of Maxim… that shits no Playboy! Fuck this. She yaps about being around for 5 years and how she couldn’t have imagined this. before she can uncover her cover Phoenix & Natalya. Phoenix is giving me a mid rise mimicking Kelly. The then shit on her and her attempt at BAD (Cena like) humor. They want her to cry for them when Fox and Eve come out. Pheonix and Natalya bounce before it “breaks” down. They then uncover the magazine… its her on a white bikini on the cover of a ref Ford Mustang. Eh… like I said, its no Playboy.

 

John Laurinaitis is out next, he intros his “newest” signing… Kevin Nash who comes out to the nWo theme. Nash then comes down to the ring sporting more of a beard. They recap what happened two weeks ago, how shocking. He runs down his rap sheet with while shitting on Triple H being a punk ass. How HBK vouched for him even though Nash wants to beat his ass but he let him into their clique. He then claims they had a real friendship before going back to the Rumble of this past year and his “pop” that night. He felt betrayed after he wanted to come back after that and he was ignored. Awww. He then calls himself the “measuring stick” around here. BAH! This fool claims he can be World Champion like no big deal. Oh my god please no! HA! He yaps on but after that last comment I tuned out!

 

Another Brodus Clay video… this one takes more of a Kane sounding turn.

 

Johnny Ace and Otunga in the back. They talk Clay and how England didn’t deserve to see him. Punk walks in, he and Otunga banter before Punk jumps him only for Punk to get jumped by Del Rio and put through a catering table. Such a waste of food.

 

The Truth & Miz vs. John Cena & Zack Ryder

-Cena beats on both guys until a “we want Ryder” chant breaks out and he gets the tag.

-solid reaction for Ryder.

-Ryder tosses Truth to the outside who lands flat on his back… ouch.

-nice 2nd rope dropkick by Ryder.

-Miz and Truth finally recover and beat on Cena while Cole tries to make them sound like a bigger deal.

-usual dualing chants for Cena.

-he finally makes the hot tag to Ryder.

-Ryder and Cena hit simultaneous running boots in the corner.

-Truth and Miz finally put the brakes on Ryder, this doesn’t stop the crowd from chanting for him.

-Lawler claims Ryder hasn’t been around as long as Miz and Truth… I don’t think that’s correct when it comes to Miz… am I wrong on that?

-Cena gets the hot tag.

-Miz pins Cena with a boot to the face. Truth was holding Cena’s leg down during the pin.

-oh yeah that’s a great way to get Miz & Truth over… stupid.

Winner: Miz & Truth

 

Tonight moved rapidly but it was definitely the night of squash matches.

 

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