Hey Fuckers, its Mascara De Fuego here again! Great Puma is in the West Alps meditating. Tonight we got HHH vs. Punk is set, Daniel Bryan is jobbed to the botchiest guy on the roster and we get a solid steel cage match.


Show starts off with #1 assclown John Cena coming to the ring for his match. HA! Cena is curtain jerkin’! He goes into his typical bullshit ass promo about how all these shows from the past plus XFL stars are here… he then shits on the XFL calling it worse than the Shockmaster. He then calls out Alberto Del Rio, his music hits and instead we get Ricardo Rodriguez, he tells Cena in Spanglish that he is going to just have to wait for Del Rio. Cena then figures that ADR isn’t here but has RR send him a message then cold cocks RR! What a dick. Wade Barrett then comes out and makes fun of Cena for beating up on the innocent. He said he isn’t running scared which is why he demanded this match tonight, so he can school Cena on his show. They bicker back and forth before we go to commercial.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett. Jorts McQueen starts strong on Barrett and we get a “Cena” chant. Barrett finally makes a comeback with a sidewalk slam, it doesn’t last long. Cena hits his YCSM fist into the AA. Straight up jobber burial of Barrett. Stupid. Winner: John Cena

Cena makes nice with military people at ringside. You’re SO usa Cena… asshole.

Striker in the back with Mark Henry. He don’t give a fuck who wins the match for the World Title tonight, he’s gonna add fools to his Hall of Pain then puts over the cage match. Short and sweet.

Michael Cole puts over Ghost Hunters and cuts to a clip. I do enjoy that show.

Sin Cara vs. Daniel Bryan. God damn, I hope this is a good match, don’t fuck it up Cara! I was looking forward to seeing him vs. Del Rio but this is a solid replacement. This is starting off FAST with quick arm drags. Always solid dive to the outside by Bryan. Bryan has the momentum thus far in the match. NICE version of the dragon sleeper by DB. Good flying cross body from the top rope onto Bryan on the outside. Stiff cross body collision by both in the middle of the ring. Cara gets the win with the lionsault for the pin. Oh well for the MITB winner… Winner: Sin Cara

Both shake hands after the match but then Cara turns heel kicking Bryan after the match! Interesting…

Striker in the back with the tag champions… Air Boom… stupid fucking name. They are trying to put over the tag division and how they are going to rank with great teams. They show Striker how to do the boom hand jive shit Kofi does… lame.

Sheamus telling kiddies not to be a bully even though he played that role as a heel. Cute.

Striker in the back with Christian. He proclaims it his night and how everyone has turned their backs on him. He calls himself resilient and a fighter who fights for what’s right. He doesn’t need the World Title to validate his career he just wants to be and he gets what he wants.

Aksana is the guest ring announcer for the next match, only way to get her involved I guess.

Beth Phoenix & Natalya vs. Diva’s Champion Kelly Kelly & Alicia Fox. Since when has Fox been a face?! Short and sweet. Phoenix finishes off Fox with the implant buster. Fox over sold this move like a motherfucker. Winners: Phoenix & Natalya

Teddy Long and Triple H doing the walk while HHH looks over the contract.

We’re back from break and Teddy is in the ring with the typical set up for contract signings, he intro’s Triple H. He comes out as business like as he can. Cole calls out HHH and this match happening. Triple H catches us up on exactly what happened and how he canceled the match with Nash and makes it with himself taking on Punk. Triple H then “invites” Punk out to make this match official. Punk comes out to deal with this shit. Cole is the only voice of reason all of a sudden with this Triple H shenanigans. Punk has a seat and calls this unnecessary since HHH has already made the match and wonders if there is a stip in a match. Punk says nothing HHH does catches him off guard. HHH brings up how Punk has disrespected him and his family but he tried to work with Punk and it wasn’t good enough and all he could do is push. He tries to take credit for getting Living Colour’s music played for him and takes credit for the shirt Punk wears and pushed it through. How he gave him Nash and he still had to push his buttons. He says he’s trying his ass off but he can only take so much and he has to deal with him as a man. Punk doesn’t expect nothing less and doesn’t want the COO he wants the old Triple H. Punk says maybe he isn’t the right guy for the job just like how Vince couldn’t separate personal issues with business. How he loves the WWE and he WANTS CHANGE so he speaks his mind. This gets a “CM Punk” chant. He says we are dying for a change. Triple H says his sick of hearing how he does this for the people and how the people dig what they see… bullshit. Triple H then accuses Punk of just wanting to be on top just like everyone else, even like himself. Punk doesn’t want half the people to like what they see, he wants EVERYONE to like it and how he IS doing it for himself because he is a fan and he wants this place to be fun again. Punk said he is pushing his buttons and how he failed just like Vince because he is egotistical. How he hired his old buddies cause he couldn’t get his hands dirty. He then tells HHH not to fine him or suspend him after he kicks his ass! Haha HHH said he respects Vince for what he’s done for this company and if he is comparing him to Vince, then thank you. Punk says he is so much like Vince that he doesn’t see the future and how all he does is point to his crotch and say suck it. HHH then says he isn’t like Vince when it comes to night of champions and how Vince would have taken an ass whoopin’ because it was good for business.

HHH signs the contract and Nash all of a sudden comes down while HHH tries to hold Punk back. Punk breaks away and starts to beat on Nash until HHH gets in the middle. Punk then takes a big boot and HHH gets pushed down by Nash before he walks off. Drama.

Good promo by Punk and actually Triple H’s wasn’t bad either although like I said this is still TOO soon. Maybe Nash will still fuck this up before the ppv buying us some time.

Nash was interviewed during the break by Striker, he don’t say shit.

Great Khali w/Jinder Mahal vs. Sheamus. Khali starts off over powering Sheamus. Sheamus then fights back with his fists to the chest of Khali while he’s in the ropes. Shoulder block by Sheamus off the top rope to take Khali down. Before he can hit the brog kick Jinder gets involved for the DQ. Both beat on him after the match. Sheamus ducks the Khali chop in the ring post causing Khali to play up the injured hand setting up for Sheamus to take out Jinder in the ring with the Celtic Cross. Winner: Sheamus

Steel Cage Match: World Champion Randy Orton vs. Christian. Cole points out that this is the 6th time these two dudes are taking each other on this summer, that is a lot but they have been delivering. Typical start to a cage match so far. Christian teases trying to climb over the cage and Orton teases the RKO. Orton is the first to call for the open door but Christian holds onto his leg. Christian blocks the vaulted DDT and backdrops Orton into the cage. Christian finally makes it to the top of the cage but is cut off, both fight on the top rope leading to an Orton superplex. After the break Christian is trying to crawl out of the cage but is brought back in and sent head first into the cage! Christian blocks the first attempt to the rolling powerslam but Orton recovers sending Christian back into the cage then hitting the rolling powerslam. 2 count for Christian after the inverted DDT. Frog splash by Christian for another 2 count! Nice counters by both leading into the Christian spear for yet another 2 count! “this is awesome” chant. Christian then sets up for the punt! Orton moves and Christian goes for the pump fake while Orton was going for the RKO and Christian starts to climb but is stopped. Orton hits his shoulder block neck breaker for another 2. Orton finally hits the vaulted DDT but Christian pushes Orton off when he went for the RKO and runs up to the top of the cage! both are now seated on the top brawling! Orton pulls Christian back in to brawl on the top rope. RKO OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!!! 1…2….THREE! Solid ass match!!! Winner: Randy Orton

The match barely even finishes when Mark Henry comes down, climbs into the cage and beats on Orton. Henry picks up Orton and snakes eyes his ass head first into the cage. Orton fights out of the 2nd attempt for that move but then gets taken out with a stiff clothesline by Henry, then a splash! Henry then yells at Orton to “come on champ” while the ref tries to pull him off. Orton is then sent head first into the cage again. Worlds strongest slam then ends Henry’s ass whoopin’ for the night. Henry then grabs the World Title from the ref and holds it over his head the show ends.

Thought it was a decent edition of Smackdown. Highlights for me were the cage match and most of the contract signing.

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One Response to “08-30-11 WWE SUPER SMACKDOWN!”

  1. Great Puma Says:

    Daniel Bryan loses again. Sin Cara is heel now. WTF?

    Best case scenario is that they allow Daniel Bryan to do his tweener persona that he did in the indies. I think his “I have till 5, ref” catch phrase would go over with this brainless crowd.

    The contract signing was decent but I can’t even imagine Kevin Nash doing a match that lasts more than 2 minutes and involves him moving across the ring. He should serve as someone’s body guard at the most. He should go out like he came in.

    I thought I never wanted to see Orton vs. Christian again but, yet again, they stole the show. The counters, the false finishes, everything was great. I love how they’re keeping Mark Henry’s mojo alive even though he’ll never seem to get a ‘clean’ pin on Sheamus. I just hope he doesn’t use that “Hall of Pain” phrase too often. Ugh.

    Thanks for pinch hitting, brother.

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