06-30-11 IMPACT WRESTLING

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Opinionated? Yup. Straightedge? Nope.

 

Video recap on Sting that included Hogan, Bischoff and roaches… I don’t like this version of Sting. Then again, I don’t remember the last time I actually cared about Sting… probably WCW? Fuck…

 

Hogan gives Scott Steiner a pep talk in the back before he goes off to have a vein burst. Sting’s on the TV cutting a promo with the back of his head, fool finally turns around and this motherfucker has Heath Ledger “Joker” style makeup. Are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit? Timely reference assholes.

 

Hogan comes to the ring to threaten Sting. While he is yip yapping there is a logo in the upper left hand corner that says “Limited Commercial Interruption”… you mean I get more of this shit for my money, no no Spike go ahead and make some cash, its fine with me cut to commercial a lot. Hogan ends up calls Anderson down, they bicker about Sting and Anderson joining Immortal. They don’t finish this when they cut to Sting in the back beating on Abyss and Bully Ray with his bat. Then this version of Sting shows up and scares off Anderson with the bat. Sting hits Hogan with the bat and he slow mo’s it down to the mat. Sting goes on about old school Hogan then sits next to him and is feeding him pills… yeah I have no idea what’s going on. Sting then puts Hogan in a back scorpion death lock cause if he really puts it on him he’s gonna kill Hogan. Immortal comes out like they just didn’t get beat up back stage. no sell Bully Ray! Speaking of no selling, Sting is no selling the shit out of Ray’s promo… it looked dumb having Ray look serious as fuck and Sting making faces, god dammit man. Hogan threatens Sting and this shit is finally over.

 

Are they really going to try doing Hogan vs. Sting down the road…!?!?

 

They cover house shows results and who’s gotten BFGS points on them, man I do like this shit. Crimson leads it… oh man.

 

A BFGS match is next, Devon vs. Samoa Joe… I’m enjoying this match actually. Commentators putting over the BFGS points, nice. Joe keeps trying to win with submission holds for the extra point. Devon gets a solid chant… WOW Devon won with the Uranage! Dope for him but the burial of Joe continues.

 

The Pope celebrates with Devon’s kids in the back. Chris Hansen?

 

Bully Ray and Scott Steiner discuss the economic structure of China’s government.

 

Kazarian talks shit to Joe in the back trying to get him to “wake up” and be a bad ass.

 

Hey look its Senshi Low Ki, Jimmy Yang and Matt Bentley. X Division triple threat for a this contract tournament for Destination X. Yang does his Flying Elvis thing… Low Ki is still rocking his Kaval gear. Low Ki chant off the bat. Sucks that in the WWE Yang vs. Low Ki is a fucking WWE Superstars internet show match… Oh shit, Yang’s flying dive to the outside is nuts! Solid match thus far, I hope Puma is watching since two of his favorites are in this match. Low Ki wins with the Warriors Way off the top to Yang. Good shit right here.

 

X Division / Destination X ppv video package. Trying to put over the X Division again and acknowledging that division hasn’t been getting the attention it deserves.

 

Rayne bitches about Tara and her lip gloss. All of a sudden Winter and Love show up. Angelina is “back to normal” and cuts a heel promo like she was never the white zombie.

 

Hey look, Joe on another cell phone video bar fight… this time its Kazarian…  Joe beats him up and screams “its my world” over and over… that’s a crappy world man. What if Joe went the CM Punk route?… he needs it.

 

Hogan is taping his fist in the back while he does the walk talking shit about Sting.

 

Winter and Love come out and Love is a zombie again?!! What the fuck!? This match is full of these chicks.. Love, Winter, Tara, Miss Tessmacher, Rayne and Mickie. So are they trying to build Tessmacher as their Kelly Kelly? I guess not she is eliminated, guess its an elimination match… oh, Winter pinned her. Rayne pins Tara. Mickie pins Rayne. Love goes for the pin on Mickie but Winter tells her to back the fuck up so she can pins her… Love looks reluctant enough to give Mickie time to recover to pin Love then Winter. The end of this hootenanny.

 

Randy Orton Gunner  in the back talks about losing to AJ Styles at a house show, well at least they… oh… right… only 543 people saw it…

 

Video package on Abyss and Kendrick… both are cutting “deep” promos… oh and of course thumbtacks.

 

The more I think about it the more they should have been pushing the fact there aren’t a lot of commercials tonight… but not tonight like last week?! The week before that.

 

Chris “The Accountant” Daniels comes to the ring as does AJ Styles to sign their Destination X contract. They go back and forth about this match and its not personal n shit. They sign it and Jerry Lynn comes down and kisses the ass of the fans and the X Division. RVD then comes out and says hey bitches I was X before ya’ll bitches were. Did Jerry Lynn say “toe dee toe”?! they put over the ppv heavy and I’m not gonna lie, its getting me hype. Daniels proposes a four corners match between them all for them next

week… yeah lets give it away for free.. dumb asses.

 

After this segment Gunner jumps Styles which leads to their match on a red mat. High paced. I wasn’t mad at this match. Gunner wins with the F5. Gunner pulls in front of Crimson in the BFGS series.

 

Oh no Velvet Sky has always been bullied even as a kid. She’s not putting up with it from ODB and Jackie. She tumbles on her words at the end.

 

Here comes Mexican America without Chavo Guerrero, at least for now. Hernandez is so bad on the mic and Anarchia isn’t any better with his back Eddie Guerrero impersonation. British Invasion come out and play the goody goody foreigners they say the Mexican’s don’t deserve shit cause they haven’t deserved it.  Magnus tells them to leave the prostitutes at home and it breaks down. Rob Terry makes the save completing the British Invasion trilogy.

 

Jarrett’s video package, they are in Mexico… Jeff promises something big…

 

Bully has become has become the commander of the wrestlers. Gives Gunner the night off and wants to hit the ring with Abyss but his mask is missing…

 

Main event time… forward job to the end… Sting wins with the scorpion death drop. He goes to face paint Steiner but Bully comes in make the save. Sting almost has the paint on Bully when Anderson comes in, nut shots Sting and hits a SLOPPY mic check on him. He bounces leaving Bully and Scott to beat on Sting. Hogan comes out who beats on Sting while the other two hold him. He goes for the bat shot when Angle makes the save. Angle and Hogan have that slouchy walk thing going on.

 

The end, time for something funny to watch!

 

 

 

 

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