05-23-11 WWE RAW RANT


Truth furthers his heel turn, Bret returns to RAW, Macho Man gets honored and…. Kharma bitches out?!?!

Just like last night they start the show with a picture of the Macho Man, I’m hoping for a video package tonight as well but I’m not holding my breath.

Show starts off with Jerry “The King” Lawler coming out instead of being at the announce table. He goes on about Cole and how he’s been beaten, he then intros Bret Hart who gets a loud pop. Hart talks about Lawler and how he respects him even though they’ve had their battles and how he’s glad Cole got his ass kicked. The Truth cuts off Hart and the crowd shits on Truth. He complains to Bret about being in zero title matches and not catering to the little Jimmy’s out there. Truth puts Bret’s glasses on some little Jimmy at ringside and clowns how now he can have a title match. ha! He said he needs to beat a hall of famer to get noticed. Bret fires back about being the best there is, was and ever will be and calls Truth a lunatic. Now this segment that was going so well hits the breaks when superman Cena comes out limping like he just got piped in the anus. Cena kisses Bret’s ass before getting on Truth… Cena smiles a lot and Truth is eye fucking Cena. Truth goes off on Cena and his merch then says out of nowhere that he wants his son back… interesting! Truth then turns back on Cena saying its all about him. It looks to break down but we get an email… Josh reads the email from the GM… Truth & Punk vs. Cena & Mysterion… guest ref Bret Hart.

Solid job in getting Truth over and making him a hateable heel.

Show and Kane chit chatting about Nexus. Rodriguez is pissy cause Show is sitting on Del Rio’s car. Alberto shows up and tells them off in Spanish while the tag champs walk off. ADR should be in title scene, I like Truth in his role but now is not the time to cool down ADR.

Kane and Big Show put up the Tag Team Titles against David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty, you know the guys who beat them last week… Punk ends up on commentary with Mason Ryan watching on. I don’t know what fuck is up with Otunga, he tries to avoid and run from Kane but then throws an elbow drop on… no one…?! Anyhow Kane and Show manhandle these guys for the most part with a few moments of Nexus having the advantage. Punk calls Show King Kong Bundy!? Haha So Ryan tries to interfere but gets taken out by Kane. Ref bump which set up the kick to the back of Show’s head and a double DDT by Hennig and Otunga for the pin and the Tag Team Titles! Well, this only makes sense if Nexus goes on to Smackdown and starts shit on Friday nights as well cause nothings been popping here on RAW. Plus it will give ADR a feud with Big Show and Kane can go back to Smacky for more Corre shit I guess. Poor Kane. Haha

Big Show is fucking pissed in the back. Del Rio comes in and laughs at Show and smacks him. the screen goes fuzzy and when the picture comes back we’re lead to believe that in those few seconds ADR got in his car and damn near ran over Big Show… really!? Show screams like a bear having an orgasm while the medics come to check on him. aww Kane is holding his hand, cute. This mess lasts through the commercial break…

Jack Swagger is out (without Cole) to take on Evan Bourne for the millionth time. Good “David and Goliath” squash. Too bad its all for not and isn’t going to do shit for Swagger on RAW. Bourne sucker punches Swagger while he was celebrating. Well at least he is a gracious loser…

Cole does the walk backstage while everyone laughs at him. He goes to shake Eve’s hand and gets her foot instead.

Josh and Lawler congradulate The Rock on Fast Five making $506 million in the box office. That’s a shit ton of fucking money!

Sad faced Michael Cole comes down to the ring and we get a “you suck toes” chant. Cole stands in front of the announce table, he wants to put this shit behind them (Lawler, Mathews, Justin Roberts the time keeper, the fans in Portland and at home) and apologize. Lawler thanks Cole for the picture that’s going to be on his Christmas card this year and of course its Lawler’s foot all up in Cole’s mouth. Lawler gives him Altoids and Cole takes a seat at the announce table… really that’s it?! All is good in the world?! Bullshit.

Miz and Alex Riley come out shortly after and Miz looks grumpy faced. He blames Riley on last night, him losing the Title in the Triple Threat and then losing the title when he beat Cena the next night on RAW. Miz is asking the RAW GM for another title match with Riley banned at ringside. Miz waits for an email that doesn’t come so Miz gets pissed and threatens not to leave. The email finally comes in and Josh reads… Miz doesn’t get shit. Miz then slowly turns to Riley and blames him. Riley then brings up that he didn’t say “I quit” which gets the crowd chanting “you quit”. Riley gets pie faced and an ear full from Miz who looks like his head is going to explode. Miz then fires Riley and Riley fights back and the brawl is on! They end up on the outside with Riley sending Miz into the barricade and over the announce table. We even get a “Riley” chant from the crowd! Wow, check out the crowd popping for Riley who keeps putting the boots to Miz in the ring. Miz is left alone in the ring as we go to commercial. Damn, did they just blow up Riley and not even realize it!? Sometimes it pays off to be in the right arena! Too bad this goes to shit seeing as Riley is technically on Smackdown, or were we suppose to forget that he was drafted to Friday nights?

Oh yay an 8 woman Diva match, on one side The Bella’s, Maryse and returning from the depths, Melina taking on Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Beth Phoenix and Eve. Cole is all of a sudden looking forward to this match… 2 seconds into the match and its guess who!… Kharma comes out. The diva’s look to be standing together while she comes down to the ring. Kharm comes in and the diva’s circle her like the Nexus. Kharma then…. Falls to her knees… and….starts crying….!? Dude what the fuck!?!? Fuckin’ WWE what the HELL are you doing here?!?!?! Don’t show her as vulnerable, fuck!!!… we go to commercial. Way to fuck this up royally WWE, way to fucking go…. Sometimes man, some fucking times this company annoys me to no end…

US Champion Kofi Kingston is taking on Drew McIntyre who now has pyro, oh no what does this mean!? Drew is all over Kofi and uses Bret Hart’s corner post figure four during part of the match. Kofi goes for T.I.P. but he cant with the bad leg, oh no! Kofi ends up getting the win out of nowhere with that red alert style move, I forget the name of the shit. Really not a fan of those one sided matches that end with the guy who was getting his ass kicked win out of nowhere (cough, cough John Cena)…

By the way, Cole is basically back to normal on commentary even kissing Mathews’ and Lawler’s asses.

They show the President Obama spliced video again for Capital Punishment. I know some liked this but I hate it just as much as the first time.

Otunga and Hennig are all smiley about their win in the back when Punk and Ryan come in and Punk tells these morons to watch what he is going to do tonight…

Alberto Del Rio is interviewed in the back and blames Show for him running him over. Haha He blames Ricardo ala Miz blaming Riley for shit… we just did this man!

Lawler, Cole and Mathews talk about The Macho Man and they cut to a package on him! Fuck am I glad they are doing this! Fuck man they play Coldplay while they show footage, don’t made a Cuban shed a tear right now! They cut to the arena where the fans are chanting Macho Man. Classy piece WWE, good move showing respect to Randy Savage.

Main event time starts off with the Hitman coming out wearing a ref shirt. Really not feeling Truth not having music in 2011. Years ago I would have been digging something like this but I don’t now about trying to pull this off in this day and age. CM Punk is wearing lavender Macho Man style tights and yellow shin guards, this dude is the shit and a true wrestling head. Cena starts the match strong sending Truth to the outside for the commercial break. Cena has the worst Fisherman’s suplex I’ve ever seen. At one point Punk tries to hide behind Hart. haha. We get a “lets go Cena/Cena sucks” chant and now we get a “CM Punk” chant! Punk and Truth keep Cena in the ring while making frequent tags… and Cena hits a sloppy looking DDT for the hot tag to Rey and business picks up! Truth hits the mic check on Cena and Rey hits the 619 on Punk…. Bret then hits Punk, puts him in the sharpshooter then Rey hits the leg drop to the back of Punks head! Rey then covers Punk for the win.

Bret, Rey and Cena celebrate and we are out.

Overall eh, not a bad night although still puzzled by the Kharma bit but glad they paid tribute to Randy Savage.

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