05-19-11 IMPACT WRESTLING RANT

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Recap of the ppv, Sting tries to put over “Impact Wrestling”. Seems really forced.

Old Impact Zone looked like a poor man’s RAW. New Impact Zone… poor man’s Smackdown.

Bischoff and Immortal come out and he takes credit for the Smackdown looking arena. Shocking, Hogan isn’t there and the do the same shit where he’s not here “because he’s in meetings” with Foley. Kendrick and his crew come down and Kendrick is mad. Bischoff threatens to kill the X Division, oh awesome that will make ratings… he makes matches for these dudes then has them jumped. That’s how to get’em over. Fortune comes out and an ol’ fashioned TNA brawl breaks out. I’m bored already and we’re only 12mins in. Does every show need a fucking brawl!?

They cut to the back to someone wearing 1991 Sting tights and Tenay trying to put over that its him… because he’s the only one that believes this is actually Sting. Oh just you wait Mike Tenay, you’re in for a surprise. TNA writing at its best.

6 knockout match, it’s the usual suspects. Sarita, Rosita, Rayne and Tara, Mickie and Tessmacher. Tessmacher is so bad. Tara is a goody-goody again, she wins this shit for her team with a sit down powerbomb.

They put over the next match as possibly the last X Division match… annnnnd Abyss wins the X Division Title from Kazarian. Now THERE is a heck of a business move.

Gunner is mad backstage for some reason.

A video package is shown of Samoa Joe while he comes out, is this Impact trying to re-buildup Joe? I hope they didn’t “kill” him. Joe squashes Amazing Red then beats him up after the match until Crimson comes out for brawl number 2 of the night. Crimson bitches out Joe, well at least the video package was nice.

Styles comes out which brings out Dreamer. Styles wants to make sweet love but Dreamer wants to “dirty whore” this and beats on AJ who was wearing a neck brace. Daniels tries to make the save but Bully Ray shows up with a steel chain. AJ takes another Dreamer piledriver for good measure.

The show of a video of a fan cutting a promo at ringside on why wrestling matters…

Sting in the back and hey he isn’t in yellow and blue at all… wait a minute.

Angle comes out and says “ding dong the bitch is dead” well that’s nice and thanks Chyna for taking out Karen. Oh great another Angle and Jarrett match but this time it’s a #1 contender match. So fucking over this feud, kill this shit already. Angle puts up his gold medals and Karen raises from the stage in a wheel chair. Skye rolls Karen don’t the ramp into Jeff. God this is fucking stupid.

Generation ME kiss and make up for the good of the X Division.

Hulkster tweets while he poops calls Bischoff to shoot the shit.

Backstage bullshit with Karen and Jeff. Skye gets Winter and Love as punishment.

GenME vs. Hardy and Bischoff was next. ME does a Hardy Boys move and no one calls it!? Hardy does some sort of reverse full nelson move that leads to Bischoff coming in and kicking Max a lot before he pins him. Impact has the formula to getting talent over… ugh.

Winter talks to her sex doll in the back then kisses her. It smells like hot oils and curiosity up in here.

Another fan promo on wrestling.. I get what you’re trying to do here Impact but its not clicking.

Well, Skye vs. Love and Winter is next… Skye pins white zombie. ODB looking like a biker chick jumps Skye after the match.

I’m not sure how to explain the next segment, Eric Young starts off by taking his clothes in front of Tessmacher then gets jumped by Gunner. Young is looking homeless.

I come back from making crystal light fruit punch to Flair slapping Robert Roode only to get put in an arm breaker. Yet another beat down when Immortal attacks Roode.

Real Sting comes out and yaps and give RVD a pat on the head for their match on Sunday. Fake Sting Mr. Anderson comes out and beats on Sting to end the show… all that build up for the shortest beat down of the night.

Well I hope it was worth cutting Anderson’s hair and getting him all ready for a 1 minute segment.

And Impact is off to a… crawl.

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