05-09-11 WWE RAW REVIEW

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Right off the bat Ricardo Rodriguez is introducing Alberto Del Rio who drives out in a Rolls Royce. ADR comes to the ring and reminds us what his name is. He says his destiny was stolen by that coward Edge and says we wasted a lot of time last week with the Rock’s celebration. He says there is no one better than him and its he who should face Cena. This brings out Rey Mysterio and says his destiny is to be Ricardo Rodriguez’ announcer and then challenges ADR tonight, winner getting Cena. Before ADR can finish his though The Miz and Smackdown’s Alex Riley come out, Miz talks shit about Smackdown and says this is still his show and blames Riley for the shit that happened last week. ADR says Miz had his moment and he didn’t get the job done and now he goes to the back of the line. Miz doesn’t like this shit and says he DID get the job done last week and that the ref was incompetent and tells Rey and ADR to fight in a Taco Bell parking lot. Ha. R-Truth then comes out with no music, he says he hates hospital food and that Morrison is eating a whole lot of that right now because what he did to him. He then says he doesn’t care if the guys in the ring all share the same bed pan and cuts then all down individually. He tells us when an angry black man is talking, we need to shut up…. We get an email… the GM says he only sees three who deserve this match so we’re getting a triple threat, Miz vs. Del Rio vs…. then we get another email…. The third person is… Rey Mysterio. Truth doesn’t take this shit too well and goes off and gets in the face of Rey. Mysterio says Truth should be in the match and that’s “what’s up”. Ha. The crowd gives Truth the “hey hey hey goodbye” chant while he walks off. Miz gets back on the mic and says ADR and Rey are day laborers on RAW. Haha Before Miz can say he will be the next WWE Champion, Rodriguez says Alberto Del Rio’s name. This causes shit to break down with Riley, Rodriguez, Miz and ADR beating on each other. Rey waits his turn and dives onto ADR on the outside before celebrating in the ring.

Well, lets see how this goes… cool that its these three guys and not old hat but Cena isn’t going to lose the title right now so it doesn’t fucking matter.

Diva’s Champion Brie & Nicki Bella vs. Eve & Kelly Kelly

-Brie and Nicki with hot tags while keeping Kelly in the ring.

-Kelly fights back with the flying head scissors, a smack in the ass and a somersault to the corner to Brie.

-Kelly gets the roll up and pins Brie… or Nicki.

Winner: Kelly Kelly & Eve

Right after the match Kharma comes out to the ring slowly. The Bella’s hide at ringside while Eve and Kelly look on. The Bella’s then run up the ramp. Kelly goes to the outside while Eve gets the clothesline. Kharma then runs off Kelly and heads back in the ring to finish off Eve with an implant buster. They are definitely doing a good job getting her over.

WWE Tag Team Champions Kane and Big Show do the walk backstage, oh great we get another Mason Ryan match… sigh.

Mason Ryan w/CM Punk vs. Kane w/Big Show

-Ryan over powers Kane but Kane fights out with a flurry of punches in the corner.

-stiff clothesline by Ryan before choking Kane with the 2nd rope.

-snake eyes and a powerslam my Ryan for a 2 count.

-dropkick to the leg then head of Ryan.

-Punk kicks the leg of Kane which causes Show to knock out Punk at ringside.

-the rest of Nexus then comes in and attacks for the DQ.

-the tag champions fight them off and clear the ring last hitting a double chokeslam on Ryan.

Winner: Kane by DQ

Santino Marella vs. Dolph Ziggler w/Vicki Guerrero

-Ziggler looks so vanilla now, he’s not even wearing the same tights anymore, just black tights and while boots.

-Ziggler starts strong punching the shit out of Santino.

-high elbow drop by Ziggler who’s treating Santino like a jobber.

-Santino tries to fight back and goes for the cobra but gets hit by a standing drop kick.

-Zig Zag puts away Santino.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

 

They recap the bullshit on Smackdown where Christian loses the World Title to Randy Orton.

Truth in the back still talking to himself. That new backstage guy stops him, Truth makes fun of the fans wanting him to go back to singing and dancing. He says no more of that shit and bounces.

Zack Ryder (oh shit, yeah on RAW) and he’s showing Cena how to fist bump before he does the walk.

Miz and Riley in the back watching the footage from last week. Riley tries to defend himself but Miz isn’t having it. Riley keeps apologizing but Miz keeps cutting him down. Riley says he’s going to make it up to Miz and walks off.

They then follow Riley in the back walking, he then comes out to the arena and gets into the ring. He gets on the mic and says he only cares about the Miz and is going to prove it to Miz by challenging John Cena to a match. It takes Cena a while but he finally comes out.

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Alex Riley

-Cena showboats Riley by showing him up on… wrestling moves…?

-Riley finally gets a stiff clothesline for a 2 count.

-Cena does his typical move set that leads into the YCSM fist drop.

-AA on Riley but Cena is too busy staring at Miz who comes out.

-another AA to Riley then the STF for the win.

Winner: John Cena

Miz looks on and Cena does his usual after match bullshit. I wish this dude was actually on Smackdown now. I fucking hate having to review his ass.

WrestleMania comes out tomorrow on Blu-ray and DVD bitches!

Michael Cole is in the ring after the break, he’s retiring from in-ring competition after beating Lawler twice on ppv. He says he’s retiring undefeated. Lawler comes into the ring but Cole says The King cant touch him or he’ll be fired. Lawler cuts to the footage last week with Rock beating on Cole. Lawler challenges Cole with the stipulation that if he loses that he would induct Cole into the Hall of Fame himself and even give Cole his HOF ring. Cole says he doesn’t think so and goes back into his glass cage of human emotions. Cole is now pissed cause Lawler couldn’t let him retire in peace, cuts down Tennessee, Al Gore (putting over George W. Bush), Elvis and Lawler. Cole says he decided yesterday to retire from wrestling and how he and his mom watched WrestleMania over and over. Cole goes back to talking shit about Lawler and asked him what he did for mothers day. Cole plays up the asshole role again on Lawler’s mom. Lawler goes to attack Cole but Swagger attacks Lawler from behind taking him out with the ring post.

United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger

-Swagger teases the ankle lock and Kofi almost hits the trouble in paradise shortly after the start of the match.

-flying forearm and a dropkick by Kofi sending Swagger to the outside.

-Swagger sidesteps Kofi, then rolls back into the ring and hits the high boot sending Kofi to the outside.

-Kofi hits a high cross body from the top for a close 2 ½.

-Kofi skins the cat but Swagger puts the ankle lock on Kofi while he is coming over.

-Swagger then works over the ankle of Kofi until he fights back trying to hit a tornado DDT.

-Lawler comes out from the back causing the distraction.

-Kofi hits the trouble in paradise for the pin.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Lawler takes out Swagger then start to throw furniture into Cole’s glass box. Lawler then takes Cole’s tie from the hole in the box and bounces Coles he’s off the glass multiple times before just the refs come out to pull him off. Swagger comes over and checks on Cole while yelling how Lawler is now fired for touching Cole. Lawler says he only touched his tie. Swagger then accepts the match for Cole but Cole is freaking out about it. Lawler celebrates on the announce table.

Let’s hope this is the end of this shit finally… its run its course folks.

Triple Threat match to become the #1 contender

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

-Rey fights off both Miz and ADR and teases a double 619.

-ADR sends Rey to the outside but then gets rolled up by Miz for a 2.

-Rey back in with a pin attempt that Miz breaks up.

-Miz hits the corner clothesline taking out both Rey and ADR.

-Rey goes for the 619 on Miz but ADR sweeps his legs from under him.

-ADR sends Rey to the outside, Miz goes for the SCF but ADR fights out and teases the arm breaker before we get a double clothesline spot and a commercial break.

-back from the break and ADR has cornered Rey and hits a tilt a whirl back breaker on him.

-Miz comes back in sending ADR to the outside but walks into a stiff kick to Miz’s head for a 2 ½.

-ADR pulls Miz to the outside and hits a clothesline on him by Rey comes over the top rope with a seated senton.

-Rey to the top with another seated senton on ADR in the ring and a HIGH cross body for a 2 count.

-Miz to the top but Rey sends ADR at him.

-Rey with the top rope hurricaneranna to Miz.

-arm breaker drop to Rey by ADR

-arm breaker on Rey!… Miz comes in and ADR rolls him up for a 2 count.

-short DDT by Miz for a 2 count.

-Miz tries for SCF by Rey sends him to the outside. Riley is now back in trying to get Miz back in the ring.

-ADR is sent into Riley who was on the ropes taking him out.

-619 by Rey and a top rope splash on ADR but ADR is in the ropes.

-Miz comes from behind and rolls up Rey for the win.

Winner: The Miz

Riley and Miz slowly walk back up the ramp while Rey looks on frustrated.

While Riley and Miz celebrate Cena comes out and congratulates Miz like he did after WrestleMania. Cena says the match at the ppv will be an I Quit match. Miz doesn’t look happy about this nonsense.

Truth then comes out of nowhere and hits the mic check on Rey in the ring as we go off the air.

Ok RAW I guess. They set up matches for the ppv but right now they are just “eh” matches.

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