Haven’t had the strength to do IMPACT! the last couple of times because I was trying to not drink so much during the week… it’s the only way I can watch this shit. Well I’m liquored up and ready to try and sit through two hours of some straight up crapfest.

Show start up with some recap where Karen gets crowned “Queen of the Mountain” but of course Angle ruins this with horse shit. Angle threatens Karen someone is going to beat her up but not him. whatever.

Recap of Sting picking RVD for his ppv match. Hogan and Anderson are in the segment too but yeah not caring.

Karen with an umbella (that was funny) and Jeff Jarrett come out to a ring that is filled with women in TNA. This included “catering” people as well as Knockouts. SO Karen talks shit to the catering lady who I think actually IS the catering lady so she cant act and this is bad. Same shit for the lady who makes the outfits. Finally we only have Knockouts thank god… ok nevermind Miss Tessmacher is just is bad. She bounces. She heads over to Sarita and Rosita and calls them rice and beans, like a typical Hispanic woman Rosita takes off her ear rings so she can brawl. Haha Well its not them either cause they don’t go out with gringos. Karen moves on to Madison Rayne and Tara. Apparently they broke as they bricker before she leaves. Velvet is the last one in the ring, oh hooray. Karen talks shit and she goes to slap Karen, Jeff stops her and she slaps Jeff. Fucking Karen and fucking Velvet pull each others hair until zombie Angelina Love comes out and jumps on Skye. Yes, I am a grown man writing this shit out. Christ.

This segment now becomes the shitty properly of Love, Skye and Winter as the Jarrett’s bounce and we get a match. I love how Angelina is all tranced out but still has time to pick out an outfit, do her make up and get her hair did, funny. God Velvet is bad. White Zombie chokes out Skye.

Mr. Anderson loves his stupid white trash SUV truck with flames on it.

Morgan is all pissed backstage looking for Scott Steiner but in that I’m mad at you cause “you did some dumb shit to me” kinda way.

This Mexican stable needs a better name. Anarquia is sporting a Missing Link tongue. Flag goes down and the Spanish announce team stand up and salute the Mexican flag. Anarquia says they are going to party for Cinco de Mayo. At least this guy can actually speak Spanish, not like fucking Hernandez. Shit’s bad. Anarquia beats Chris Sabin who look like he bent his legit and Alex Shelley makes the save.

Scott Steiner yells a lot backstage about Matt Morgan. Steiner is starting to look like Macho Man after he started letting his grays show.

I’m bored already…

Morgan and Steiner end up fighting each other back stage but Scott jumps Matt from behind and it’s a beat down segment that goes longer than it should.

Sting goes out to Anderson’s shit box truck and takes a bat to it. Mature.

Chris Daniels takes on Gunner for the TV Title. Daniel is still the shit but jobs out to Gunner doing Brock Lesnar’s F5 for the win.

Oh yay we get to hear from Sting after the break.

SO TNA Champion Sting comes out mentions how something happened to Anderson’s truck and this brings him down. Sting tries to do comedy saying it wasn’t him. He finally admits it but Anderson says he’s not sweating it and says he’ll get it replaced, he then calls Sting a beeyotch which Sting looks like he was going to get pissed about but Anderson reiterates that he said beeyotch (not bitch). Sting was ok with that…?! Blah blah blah RVD comes out, then Hogan and for some reason Bully Ray is up in this shit and he gets a title shot…?

Joe’s in the back, he looks high. Joe is impressed by Crimson but when asked about him having a winning streak Joe says that shit will end tonight before it even starts next.

Crimson is still green and not even Joe trying to put him over is going to hide that. Abyss fucks this up and beats on Crimson while Joe bounces.

Anderson says something in the back but I didn’t pay attention.

Come on TNA, I wanna get to The Office already….

Angle talking stupid shit about his ass whooping mistress. So fucking dumb.

Mickie James is the new Knockouts Champion well I missed something…

Bully Ray says he’d give up all his tag team titles to win one TNA Championship, I actually liked his promo, look at that a compliment.

Main event time… this got a big forward job up till AJ Styles beats on Ray then Sting pipes Ray for the pin. They end the show with REaction style videos by a bunch of people but I couldn’t care. Well I’m glad this night is over.

Thanks for reading my pain.


***BREAKING NEWS*** – – TNA Slammiversary to take place in Orlando! HUGE news folks, huge news and a first… no wait I got that all wrong.


One Response to “04-28-11 TNA IMPACT! RANT”

  1. zank Says:

    Here… have a cookie to soothe your pain.

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