03-24-11 TNA IMPACT! RANT

by

Strap in for another Thursday night shit-fest.

The opening video package with Anderson and Hogan is using auto-tune. Yeah, auto-tune. God dammit TNA… Antoine Dodson you are NOT.

Mr. Anderson brings out his “math teacher” to help him do the math on why he hasn’t gotten his rematch. This segment is so fucking stupid. I’m not even going to repeat the stupidity of what was said in this segment. It ends with Anderson hitting the mic check on this “teacher”.

Oh wait, I forgot… this is TNA and I would be stupid to think TNA would end a bad segment there… Bischoff & Hogan come out to the ring. Bischoff clowns Anderson for not being funny and a bad example to everyone. Hogan says he likes Anderson’s stupidity but doesn’t like what he’s doing… so… what is it Hogan!? Hogan wants another (boring) match between Anderson vs. RVD for the #1 contenderspot… and yeah, RVD joins this mess. RVD reminds us how this works by saying its pro wrestling, you talk smack some else’s music plays and you answer to the smack you were talking. Uh, yup that’s actually how it works chief. Good rebuttal…? They bicker, Hogan says some shit then RVD goes off about this bullshit and how he was happy at home away from the politics of pro wrestling. He just wants to be RVD gosh darnit… annnnnd here comes Sting to top off this now 20 minute shit pot pie. The anonymous GM Network added Sting as guest enforcer to the main event tonight…. I wonder what the WrestleMania buildup would be right now if Sting was actually taking on Taker… that image is still better than the bowlshit we put up with on this show.

Tenay says AJ Styles is out indefinitely because of the ass kicking he got from Bully Ray. Damn, AJ’s the luckily person right now on the TNA roster. One of the few TNA originals that needs to save his career by staying FAR away from this show right now.

Here is where I took a 20 minute break and questioned if it was time to stop watching wrestling or at least treat it like I treat music now a days and just listen to the old school shit.

Another Mickie James vs. Tara match is next. Its amazing how TNA forces you to hate people you enjoyed when they were elsewhere. Before Tara comes out he gets marching orders from Madison Rayne, Tara’s reply? “duh, winning.”…. officially over the Charlie Sheen-isms. Tara is now wrestling with a bow on her ass, lets bring more attention to your pumps-in-a-bump. Mickie wins with a flashy DDT.

Anderson stops Sting in the back just to remind him how he doesn’t like him or him stealing his title shot. Sting says the anonymous GM, fuck I did it again, the Network awarded him the match. Anderson bitches some more Sting bounces.

You have to see this ShopTNA.com commercial, someone got their hands of old 50’s film footage and was told to incorporate it into their commercial. Jesus.

Okato isn’t happy with Samoa Joe, he said so…

Okato is out to the ring now and apparently is going to take on The Pope. Pope beats his ass until he gets DQ’d. After the match is called he takes out the ref who is trying to stop him. Joe makes the late save.

Sting video package is shown from the last couple of weeks… at least I think it has, its all a haze with this shit. Funny that Sting says he came back for the younger guys… so how does that makes sense with you on top? He’s really gonna put this roster?

We go right from that to a Kurt Angle pitty party video about his kids but then talks about a steel cage match with Jarrett at the ppv. Only in wrestling folks.

Hogan tells RVD in the back he isn’t the same person but now has his shit together again then says its Bischoff who loves Anderson. But that don’t make no sense Hulkster. RVD leaves and Hogan acts like he totally fooled RVD…

Flair comes out with Matt Hardy and Bully Ray. Flair shills these two then passes the mic, Hardy is angry about stuff back in the day and is taking it out on Fortune. Bully Ray is TNA’s Triple H, or so he sounds. Fortune runs in and a brawl has broken out. The arena turns red and Kane Abyss comes out and beats on Fortune. So last week he couldn’t defend the TV Title but this week he can come back and beat on Fortune damn near single handedly?? No sense.

After the break they go to Abyss in the back he tries to make it sound like it was Fortune who stabbed him with the board with nails… I thought that was Crimson… who hasn’t been on TV in a while that I remember…?

Hernandez and his Vato’s locos come out. Hernandez introduces us to El Anarchy dude guy. Hernandez isn’t fooling anyone this fool cant speak Spanish. They call out Morgan and he and Devon come out and we get a match apparently. Rosita & Serita get involved which leads to Velvet Skye coming out to get her ass kicked. Angelina Love comes out all hypnotized n shit but Winter comes out and calls her back. The overbooking ends with the Anarchy dude pinning Devon.

Ink Inc take on Scott Steiner & Crimson. This got a forward job, Crimson and Steiner won. They already plant the seeds of an Inc Ink break up which means these dudes won have anything to do at all after their feud.

Finally main event time… RVD vs. Anderson with Sting as enforcer. Half way through the match the ref takes a bump and Sting takes over. RVD gets mic checked into the ring post. Sting and Anderson then start to brawl and the bell is rang, not sure who called for this seeing as the ref is still down. A bouillabaisse of TNA dudes come out to split up Anderson and Sting unsuccessfully. Hey look its Simon Diamond.

After the break Tazz and Tenay assume RVD won by DQ so he’s #1 contender.

After all of this they go to RVD in the back who is either knocked loopy or is high as fuck, he apparently doesn’t know he won.

Anderson yells about losing backstage too.

Sting yells backstage about shit and Anderson comes in and they brawl again. Hey, its Al Snow.

God I can’t believe this shit is finally over, my god.

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2 Responses to “03-24-11 TNA IMPACT! RANT”

  1. zank Says:

    Thank you for the TNA Rants MDF. Now I can jump directly to the worst parts and laugh my ass of. Otherwise I would be watching this whole shitpile. Thans for saving me time. 🙂

  2. Mascara De Fuego Says:

    HA! thanks Zank, glad I can save someone from the crap that is TNA!

    – MDF

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