03-17-11 (airdate) TNA IMPACT! RANT

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Sorry for the late post folks but seeing as IMPACT! fell on St. Patty’s day, there was no way in hell I was giving up the option to go out for this shit storm of a company. 😉 It will be interesting to see how I digest the show on a Saturday so here we go…

Sting come out with the WWE Diva’s Title and a UFC Title belt… nevermind its just TNA biting UFC’s dick. Cool belt but still. He calls out Hogan and Bischoff, the come out to “you suck” chants. Sting gives Hogan the Diva’s Title and tells them its what’s left of Jeff Hardy. Hogan throws the title out of the ring and Sting argues about what Hogan did to Jeff Hardy. Hogan buries Jeff saying he left Immortal down and how he couldn’t live in the shadow of Hulk Hogan. Hogan puts over all the guys in Immortal, even Matt Hardy… oh great, are we leading to a Matt vs. Jeff match? After more bickering Bully Ray comes out and sides with Hogan and calls him the be all, end all of wrestling. Ray calls Sting a co-star, a backup band like Devon. Ray would be honored to be part of Immortal and wants to take out Sting for the title. Good promo by Ray. In typical TNA opening segment, Fortune is now out… but we go to a break!?

We are back and AJ says Fortune has Stings back. AJ says that although Ray wanted to be a singles wrestler Devon has to carry his ass for all these years and to all the tag team titles. Ray says Dixie whipped AJ ass and how he is a small man in a big mans world. Ray gets bitch smacked by AJ and of course this now brings out Mr. Anderson to fully annoy us all with his douche bag promos, he wants his rematch for the title blah blah blah. Hogan tells Anderson he couldn’t get the job done in his #1 contender match with RVD. Bischoff brings up the network after they said earlier that they have 110% control… when why give a fuck about the network!? Bischoff sets up a 4 way for tonight, Anderson vs. Ray vs. AJ vs. RVD. Anderson is still pissy cause he wants the match to himself still.

Angle shows up in the back, he’s got gifts for the newlyweds. Sigh… just finish this god damn angle already…

AJ is in the back and runs into RVD, he wants them to watch each other’s back. RVD isn’t having it, what a selfish fucker. Ha.

Alissa Flash comes out for Knockout’s Champion Madison Rayne’s challenge but Rayne with Tara jumps her before the match starts. She beats her in seconds after the beat down. Mickie James comes out for the save then cuts a promo about fighting Rayne for the title. Rayne isn’t having it unless James puts up her hair… she agrees. Luckily this shit was only minutes long.

The Pope in the back, he’s coaching people that he’s going to “heal” later. Such a waste of talent.

Anderson in Hogan’s office yelling about having to wrestle tonight even though he says the title match is his already. Useless segment.

Pope has these people in the ring that he is going to “heal”. Pope is looking like Orlando Jordan now with his hair done. He’s going to heal the blind man, match the dude in the wheelchair walk and make the fat chick skinny. Pope spits in his own hands and heals the blind dude, then smacks the wheelchair dude in the head (he didn’t like that shit LOL) and he jumps up and dances like a dick head. He lays his hands on the fat chick and says that not even Jesus can help her lose weight. She does a bad sad face which brings out Samoa Joe and Okato. Pope pulls a knife on Okato and keeps hitting him in the head with the mic for stepping on his feet. Pope takes out Okato and punks Joe by showing him the knife was face. Fuck I was hoping this stupid feud was OVER.

Pope is now in the back and he’s got Okato hung up while he beats his ass… couldn’t have Joe made the save!? I mean, Pope had enough time to drag Okato to the back, tie his hands up high to beat on him…!? Pope takes off Okato’s mask and says he doesn’t like how he looks and for him to put the mask back on. Racist? In typical TNA fashion, this segment goes to long. Joe FINALLY shows up while Pope bounces.

RVD walks into Anderson’s locker room, Ken gets accused of working with Immortal. Why is RVD doing the same angle with being paranoid about who’s with Immortal!?!?

The Beautiful People in the back with Winter, they argue about who’s teaming with Love tonight. Love leaves with Winter and Skye feels served.

The Jarrett’s come out to the ring… great. This gets a forward job but lame story short, Angle gives Jeff a guitar that he ends up using on Jeff and Karen tries to low blow Kurt but he’s wearing a cup. Angle gets a steel cage match with Jeff at the ppv or he’s going to stalk them for the rest of their lives… please tell me this will finally end this.

Bischoff in the back with Gunner, Murphy and Rob Terry. They are wrestling each other tonight for the vacant TV Title since Abyss is injured.

The Jarrett’s in the back, Karen is freaking out and calls the cops.

Gunner wins the vacant TV title by beating Murphy and Terry. He beats Murphy with an F5, funny I apparently got Gunner and Murphy mixed up.

AJ states the obvious about his match tonight until Flair shows up. AJ bitch smacks Flair before he bounces.

More bullshit in the back with Jarrett’s and the cops.

Great, mixed tag match with Hernandez, Rosita & Serita vs. Morgan, Love & Winter is next. At least Serita has ditched the goofy tights. Hernandez cuts a promo about being Mexican, he’s got a Mexican faction here. Love has new music and Winter comes out with some shit over her eyes. Winter hits a back breaker on Rosita for the pin. Luckily this shit didn’t go long either. Some Mexican dude comes out and jumped Morgan after the match but Morgan turns green and hulks up which scares the Mexican’s away.

Four way #1 contender match with Styles vs. RVD vs. Bully Ray vs. Anderson is next. Nice hurricanranna from AJ on Ray. Ray is fitting well here as the muscle in the match. Dope Uranage by Ray on Anderson. Springboard clothesline from AJ to Ray was solid, AJ went clear across the ring. A lot of near falls made by all the guys thus far. Ref Earl Hebner counts a the pin on Anderson and RVD even though both their shoulders were down. Hebner was going to tell Borash the announcement but Ray fucks up both Hebner and Borash. Styles makes the save and they brawl all over the side of the stage area. AJ was about to hit Ray with a chair but Flair nut shots AJ which leads to Ray powerbombing AJ off the stage onto a table in the vein of Ray powerbombing Mae Young. Good spot. Young Hebner throws up the injured “X” and we go to commercial. Good match for what it was, I think they did a good job establishing Ray.

After the break the EMT’s are working on Style and Ray but Ray is pushing them off. Ray’s on a fine line between being a bully and being Hardcore Holly… lets hope he doesn’t go Holly on us. They spend a lot of time on AJ getting carted out. Fortune come out to oversee this while the crowd claps for AJ. They stay on this all the way to AJ getting put up in the ambulance. They build this up with Kazarian calling AJ’s wife.

If there was anything accomplished tonight, it was Bully Ray getting put over hard. I really don’t mind it at all, I thought Ray had a good change doing the same in the WWE… that is until the infamous powerbomb to Triple H that only got the corner of the table… not good.

 

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