03-14-11 WWE RAW REVIEW (Guest Host: Snooki)


Show opens with a poster of the Rock, he’s on the phone to someone talking about “Cena’s knockout punch”. He says no one laughed cause it stunk and how Cena acted like a child. Cena’s music hits and Rock ends his call and makes mention of seeing Cena face to face. All of a sudden a little white kid dressed as Cena shows up in Rock’s house. Rock then stands up and tells little Cena not to talk to his ass ghetto and to talk to him like an adult. Lil Cena spits a rhyme better than big Cena’s. haha Rock sits down and tells lil Cena that he’s gonna have a talk with him. Rock said when he left Cena because the man in the WWE. Rock says first it was Kermit the frog, then Barney and now Cena. Rock clowns by saying Cena rules the 2 to 5 demographic. Rock then says this might hurt but if lil Cena knows why he will never be the Rock. Lil Cena says “because I’m not that talented?” to which Rock says yes and how the big elephant in the room is gone now because he’s admitted it. Rock asks lil Cena how it feels to get that weight off his chest and in classic Rock form, he cuts him off with “it doesn’t matter how it makes you feel!” Lil Cena then starts to cry and Rock tries to console him by saying that we’ve all seen Cena’s movies and you don’t see us crying. He says he doesn’t have toilet paper but to blow his nose with this Cena shirt cause no one cares about it anymore. Rock then spits on it before throwing the shirt off to the side. Rock says he is proud of lil Cena for admitting that he isn’t talented. He then says he’s got a gift for lil Cena… Fruity Pebbles! Lil Cena says “hustle, loyalty, respect AND Fruit Pebbles” all excited. Haha Rock then says Fred Flintstone is his hero. The kid runs off as Rock calls him an untalented little fruit loop. Haha Rock then gets serious and turns his attention to Miz. The music gets ominous and Rock says the Miz is correct they haven’t been properly introduced and Miz might be the must see champion he’s the most electrifying man of all of entertainment, the peoples champion. How Miz made statements last week by taking out Cena, making fun of Rock’s family and hitting the peoples elbow and that Miz also made another statement… how Miz wants Rock to give him the single biggest ass whooping of a lifetime. Rock says Miz and Cena, the time for talk is over and how he will bring it before WrestleMania to Monday Night RAW.

Trish Stratus and Snooki in the back chatting it up while they cut to Cole who is in a glass box so Lawler cant get to him! Hahaha

WWE Champion The Miz then comes out while Cole marks out in his box. Miz is greeted by boos that his smiles off and says “really?” Miz says Rock does bring it… bad tattoo’s, old catch phrases, empty promises and pointless diatribes that only a has-been can bring. He brings up making fun of Rock’s family, he says they were good but his father and grandfather were never WWE Champion. Miz says he doesn’t just talk about beating Cena, he does it, that HE owns John Cena. Miz says whatever these people say doesn’t phase him. Miz hopes and prays that Rock brings it but if he does he will be overshadowed by the most must see WWE Champion in the history of the WWE. He’s the Miz, he’s awesome.

Before he can leave we get an email… What’s Cole going to do now?! He leaves his glass box but Lawler stands up too. Lawler gets on the podium instead and tells Cole to go back into his cage now that its cleaned out. The GM is setting up matches for Cena and Miz tonight… Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio… Miz vs…. The Great Khali… sigh.

WWE Champion The Miz vs. The Great Khali w/Runjin

-Miz with a series of kicks and punches that get him no where.

-chop in the corner to the chest of Miz followed but a chop to the top of his head.

-Khali goes for the skull crusher but Miz gets in the ropes.

-Alex Riley shows up to save Miz and he gets hit with the triangle slam.

-Miz back in with a chair to Khali and takes him down with it hitting him over and over again. The chair starts to break!

-Miz then DDT’s Khali onto the steel chair.

-Khali’s back is bleeding from the chair shots. They actually pan into the cut! Bye bye PG!

Winner: Khali by DQ

Cole said he is going to expose Lawler tonight with a special guest.

Cena has 5 million Facebook friends… that’s a lot of kids.

Fluff Triple H video is shown.

Morrison in the back with Snooki chit chatting. Vicki and Ziggler show up. Vicki says Snooki isn’t a big deal with her Rolling Stone cover, she was offered Playboy! Haha oh Vicki, you are money! Snooki says Vicki is the centerfold because she wouldn’t fit on one pay. Vicki goes to slap Snooki but she stops it and slaps Vicki! Morrison pulls Snooki and they bounce while Vicki is freaking out.

United States Champion w/Gail Kim vs. Sheamus

-No crown or cape for Sheamus.

-Justin Roberts reminds us of Sheamus’ stipulation from last week that if he doesn’t win he’ll quit. Sheamus keeps trying to cut Roberts off.

-Sheamus quickly over powers Bryan but Bryan back flips out of the corner and goes for the LaBell lock but Sheamus heads to the outside.

-dive to the outside by Bryan!

-dropkick from the top by Bryan for a two count.

-after the break Sheamus has Bryan in a rear chin lock with his knee in Bryan’s back.

-Josh on commentary brings up if there is a King of the Ring curse… interesting.

-series of shots to the chest of Bryan while he is in the ropes.

-Twilt a whirl by Sheamus but Bryan turns it into a roll up for a 2.

-Bryan sidesteps Sheamus who goes to the outside and lands on his ankle like last week.

-ref holds Bryan back and Sheamus looks to have been playing possum and goes for the bro kick but misses.

-LaBell is locked in!… But Sheamus get to the ropes.

-Sheamus goes for the high cross but Bryan slips out with a roll up for a 2 ½!

-Forearms and kicks by Bryan then takes off Sheamus’ head off with a stiff kick for another 2 count.

-Bryan to the top again but Sheamus hits the bro kick in mid air!!! 1…2…THREEE!

Winner: New United States Champion Sheamus

Michael Cole comes out of the top of his glass box and says he’s going to cause the destruction of the king and how his guest will be out next.

Recap after the break of Stone Cold signing Cole’s ref contract and stunning JBL. The new Stone Cold shirt is straight up lazy.

Cole is now in the ring and isn’t happy that the people enjoyed that and how Stone Cold is in his main event match. He says Austin will have minimal effect in the match. Cole says he knows how defensive Lawler gets when someone talks about his family, living or dead. Cole then bring out Brian Christopher who comes out to the Grand Master Sexay song. He comes out to the stage and does his old dances. Haha Lawler doesn’t look happy. Christopher is juicing this appearance all the way to the ring with his dances. Cole welcomes him back. Cole says he’s gone by many names but there is a name he has never gone by in the WWE and that is Brian Lawler. He asks him why, Christopher says because he feels like he never had a father growing up. How Lawler neclected him growing up and how he never wanted a child. Brian says Lawler didn’t want anyone or anything to get in the way of his spotlight. Brian says he made it on his own to the WWE and Lawler didn’t even acknowledge he was his son. Lawler gets on the mic and says he doesn’t know what to say except that he isn’t the only one that is happy Brian didn’t use the Lawler name. King then calls his son a bigger screw up that Charlie Sheen! WOW! Lawler says that he shown everyone the person he is by aligning himself with Cole. Brian asks King how does it make him feel that HE’S competed at WrestleMania, he says he was one of the biggest superstars at one time. Brian asks him again how it made him feel while pushing his dad. Brian keeps taunting Lawler and pushing him. Brian said he never used Lawler’s last name because he was ashamed of him. Cole says Lawler doesn’t care about his family and how he is pathetic and a loser…OH FUCK!!!!! JIM ROSS IS OUT!!!!!!! Cole said he was wondering when he was going to show up like John Wayne and to steal the spot light. JR said this has gone far enough and for Cole to come to his sense. Cole tells JR to go away that he is over and done, he’s the voice of the WWE not Jim Ross. JR says he’s been meaning to talk to Cole about that voice of WWE thing. He says they aren’t the voice of the WWE, the fans are. JR said Cole’s been protected and carried by Lawler for years now like a baby kangaroo. JR says he’s more like a rat bastard. JR was going to walk off but Cole said JR is running with his tail between his legs. That stops JR and he comes back in, takes his hat off, takes his jacket off then his tie and wants Cole to bring it. JR chant!!! Jack Swagger comes out of nowhere and jumps Lawler. Swagger then comes into the ring as Cole tells Swagger to teach JR some respect. Swagger then jumps JR and puts him in the ankle lock!! Lawler finally comes to and tries to make the save but Swagger then jumps him and puts him in the ankle lock. Swagger then sends Cole to put the ankle lock on JR as he screams in pain! The crowd boos the shit out of Swagger and Cole as they raise their hands.

SEE TNA, even though this segment had a lot of people and things going on it was well done and flowed! Is that so fucking hard!?

EDGE AND CHRISTIAN ARE BACK FRIDAY! They are taking on The Corre for the WWE Tag Team Titles!!! Ah man, please don’t have Christian turn on him!

The show a video package of Orton punting McGillicutty then Otunga.

Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan

-Cole is back on commentary saying its not about him and its about the action in the ring. haha

-Orton’s wife and daughter are at ringside. They look so nice and smiley…

-CM Punk is watching from the stage

-a lot of punching in this match thus far.

-Orton tries to take down Ryan with a clothesline but he doesn’t go down.

-big boot by Ryan and a back breaker for a two count.

-two more back breakers for another two count.

bear hug from Ryan but Orton fights out

-sit down uranage by Ryan for a questionable 2 ½ count

-Ryan looks up at the WrestleMania sign before he tries to hit another uranage but Orton hits an RKO for a three count.

-No Nexus for Punk at WrestleMania.

Winner: Orton

Orton and Punk are on opposing sides of the ramp when Orton looks back at Ryan and PUNTS him too! Punk tries to run down but is too late. Punk and Orton look eye to eye while Orton does his punch the mat thingy. Punk slowly backs up and exits the ring. Medics head to the ring to cart off Ryan.

So basically Randy Orton did in a couple of weeks what Cena couldn’t do in a year?!!?

Drew Carey….!? In the WWE Hall of Fame?! The video package covers his appearance in a Royal Rumble match…

Josh is cut off by Cole when he’s talking about the Hall of Fame. Cole said he has mastered the ankle lock and he will use it to embarrass Lawler at WrestleMania. He then makes fun of JR and while he keeps talking they cut to the main even graphic with Cena vs. Del Rio.

Trish and Snooki in the back when the confrontation I have been waiting happens when Zack Ryder shows up! She says Ryder’s ads are pretty solid and keeps walking… that’s it?! That’s all the TV time Ryder got with this?! Bowlshit.

Justin Roberts intro’s Snooki who comes out to the ring. She gets on the mic, she says she cant wait for her girl Trish “Status” to beat up Vicki. Vicki comes down for her match with no music. Vicki gets on the mic for her signature “excuse me”, she said she will be the legendary Trish Stratus and gets signed onto RAW. She then tells Snooki not to put her hands on her ever again. She says Snooki stole something from her, she then shows the Rolling Stone cover and how it was suppose to be hers. Vicki then shows a Photoshopped version of the cover with her on it! Haha! She then says to the crowd, isn’t that so much better! Haha She says she knows deep down inside she’s a good person.

No DQ Match

Vicki Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus

-I still like blond Trish better.

-Vicki starts the match doing jumping jacks and stretching. Haha

-Trish rolls up Vicki but she comes out of it quick.

-Vicki is running from Trish but then throws her shoe at Trish!

-Trish then kicks Vicki down and spanks Vicki with her other shoe.

-Dolph is out to stop this but then Morrison is out and dives onto Ziggler from the outside.

-LayCool is out and get the best of Trish.

-Vicki covers Trish…1..2…3!

Winner: Vicki Guerrero

LayCool and Vicki are not taking pictures over the knocked out Trish. McCool then sees Snooki and starts to make fun of her height. We get a Snooki chant when McCool gets in her face. McCool pushers her down but Snooki then pulls McCool’s leg which causes her to fall off the ring apron. Snooki then hits the Thesz press on Layla, best version any woman has done of that move in a LONG time! Haha She beats on Layla while Trish beats on McCool. Vicki, Dolph and LayCool hit the bricks while Trish, Snooki and Morrison celebrate. Vicki tells Snooki she is way over her head and she is going to show all of us what Snooki deserves. Vicki then challenges Trish, Snooki and Morrison to take on LayCool and Ziggler at… WrestleMania!? Wow, them two other Jersey Shore chicks look straight up bush league considering Snooki is heading to WrestleMania…. Wait?! Did I just say Snooki is going to WrestleMania?!!?!… sigh

Morrison and Ziggler are better than this but I guess they’ll get mainstream media out of this shit.

Sin Cara video package is shown. God damn I hope they don’t drop the ball with this dude! His logo is kinda dope.

Yet another HBK promo video, this time he covers The Undertaker. He says Taker’s best asset is the streak. He says you have to stay focused through the smoke and mirrors he brings. Good shit.

#1 Contender vs. #1 Contender

Alberto Del Rio w/Brodus Clay vs. John Cena

-convertible white Bentley is his car of choice tonight.

-long collar and elbow into a Del Rio head lock.

-Cole says some shit about The Rock there in St. Louis!?

-dropkick from ADR for a 2 count after the break.

-lets go Cena/Cena sucks chants.

-double clothesline spot.

-Cena makes the same ol shit comeback that leads to the fist drop.

-Cena sets Del Rio for the AA but Clay makes the save.

Winner: Cena by DQ


-it’s the Miz dressed at the Rock! Haha

-Cena tries to fight them off but Clay stops him.

-Miz hits the Rock Bottom to same jeans!

-flash kick in the corner by Del Rio to Cena

-fall away slam by Clay to Cena

-Miz poses like the Rock on the ropes. haha

-Miz then sends Cena back first into the ring post then clocks Cena with the mic.

-Miz says he’s owned Cena these last three weeks and will own him the next three till WrestleMania and then hits him with the mic again.

-suplex on the stage by Miz

-Cena tries to fight back on the stage but is cut off with a DDT on the stage.

-Miz bounces Cena’s head off the big WWE sign on the stage.

-Skull Crushing Finale onto the big WWE sign!

Great way to get Miz over as a credible champion and on the same level as Cena.

Good show and a great push continues to WrestleMania!


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