03-3-11 TNA IMPACT! RANT

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So TNA is on the road, the stage has three large screens with the middle one lifting up to let people in. Show starts with a song, and its Dixie Carter. Bad theme music. She cuts a promo all sad faced about how she loves us but that the court case didn’t go well. This of course brings Immortal out before she can say anything else. Dixie’s a terrible actor, she’s reacting to the crowd saying shit like “thank you” but considering its when Bischoff and Flair cut promos on her, it looks bad. This is where you have to look like you’re paying attention Dixie… Hogan makes his return to announce he has 100% of TNA. He calls Dixie just the money and that they were never partners. He keeps yelling at her until Fortune come out to the stage. AJ says some shit but the guy who cuts the better promo was actually Robert Roode. Security keeps Fortune from getting in the ring with Immortal. Another looong opening segment from TNA.

I do like the show on the road. It gives the show a better feel and reaction when its not the Impact Zone. It makes the product look more legit… even if its bad.

Immortal after the back run into some dude. Hogan intro’s him to all of Immortal. They do a shitty job on making us aware of who this dude is… Matt Hardy and this dude bounce, they run into AJ, Kazarian and Dixie. Dixie runs for the hills and AJ and Kazarian get into a fight with this dude and Hardy. While this is going on The Jarrett’s show up… come on, that should have been its own cut-away.

They cut to a video of the Angle/Jarrett’s… what a fucking mess. It still makes me uncomfortable.

After the break the cut in on Hogan and Bischoff. Bischoff is pissed about a network guy setting up Jeff Hardy to defend his title tonight. They think its possibly Anderson… So you go from Dixie vs. Hogan to Network vs. Immortal? Ugh.

Good match by Beer Money vs. Gunner & Murphy.  BM had the crowd solidly behind them, this kind of reaction makes me miss solid tag teams in the WWE. They retain the titles then get challenged by Ink Inc. Shannon Moore does all the talking, he tries to get the crowd behind him but the shit doesn’t work. James Storm cuts the response to Ink Inc, dude is a lot better on promos when he is serious.

Stupid Jarrett’s shit in the back again.

The Jersey Shore Angelina shows up… who gives a fuck.

Kurt Angle shows up back stage with a little boy… he’s either the pedo-bear or the worst dad ever.

The ita’s, Sarita and Rosita are in the ring, oh look its retirement match time. Skye is horrible, her shit just looks all choreographed. Ref sends Love and Rosita to the back mid match. Skye wins with DDT.

Like this match wasn’t bad enough, Robbie E, Cookie and Angelina Jersey Shore chick come out. Jersey Shore chick is horrible on the mic. Of course this breaks out and Sarita helps the Shore crew. God, sometimes I really fucking hate TNA.

Anderson in the back after the break. He calls himself ratings, he thinks he’s getting the title shot tonight.

Stupid segment with Orlando Jordan and Eric Young… followed by Flair and Jeff Jarrett. Jeff says he’s looking forward to the honeymoon… at Harry Potter land in Orland. That was actually funny.

Angle and the boy who he addresses as his kid are in the back while Angel is wearing a suit… and taping his fists. Some dude takes the kid away while Angle continues to tap up.

After the break Hogan is on the phone, sounds like “the network”. He’s all annoyed that they don’t know who Jeff Hardy is defending against tonight.

Stupid wedding segment was next, this shit had Orlando Jordan in a dress, Jeff comes out with his video playing in the back, Angle beating of Jeff and Angle teasing sending Jeff into the cake. Karen ends up in the cake. Shit ends with Tenay saying, “this takes the cake”. Fuck me.

Hogan in the back with Jeff Hardy, he finds out he is defending tonight. He’s fine with it but is annoyed he doesn’t know who he’s wrestling tonight.

The Jarrett’s in the back yelling, Bischoff and Flair try to calm these fools down and they bounce. Hogan comes in and Bischoff and Hogan think they know who the mystery opponent is…

Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner was next, I didn’t pay much attention to it. Anyone remember when Scott Steiner was kinda dope? When he had the long mullet when wore neon tights? Its been a long time since them days. Scott who’s still scary big wins this shit.

Flair and this football dude walk in on Angle.

Tenay and Tazz shills some MMA fed on MTV with some of their fights who’s nervous as fuck.

Oh god NOW we get Hernandez vs. Morgan… and this MMA kid is doing commentary on it too… Hernandez plays the pussy heel but backing off and begging Morgan not to kick his ass. A stupid roll for a dude his size. Morgan wins by DQ, he gets bloody after the match.

Hogan is working himself back into the hospital trying to find out Jeff Hardy’s opponent. Anderson comes in, he and Hogan argue in each other’s faces. Hogan sits down during Anderson’s rant like a bitch.

TNA now shills a Spike TV show. A really stupid show shot on a beach.

Wedding shit again… this time Angle with a shit grin on his face walks Karen down who still has cake on her. Angle still has this creepy ass smile. Jeff’s going through his vows which consist mostly of Jeff bashing Kurt. Karen goes through hers which consists of bashing Kurt as well saying he isn’t selfish like another man. It ends and Angle pulls out an axe and takes apart the stage. Well Angle totally came off as creepy ex-husband…

Football dude comes out and gets in Angle’s face. Angle puts this moron on in the ankle lock.

Jeff Hardy says some shit that got the forward job.

Jeff Hardy comes out to defend the title. He sure takes his fucking time. His opponent gets a video that tries to play off the Undertakers video and shit even the Rock’s return video with the lightening… It’s Sting. He gets a good pop but nothing… nothing like what he would have gotten in the WWE. His robe is very old school-blond haired Sting. Tazz says Sting isn’t going anywhere… oh well.

During the match my Tivo stopped, so I didn’t see the entire match but Sting wins the title.

One good thing about tonight? They were on the road which makes their overall look much better, as does the large screens. That’s all I gotta say about that. Good night folks… I need a glass of wine…

WINNING!

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2 Responses to “03-3-11 TNA IMPACT! RANT”

  1. Zank Says:

    I really feel sorry for Flair… I know hobos who are better and healthier looking than him

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