02-10-11 TNA IMPACT! RANT

by

The show starts with footage of Jarrett and Angle and the “THEY” being revealed… It was Fortune.

Opening jibber yabber…

Immortal comes out to the ring, Jeff Hardy’s face paint makes him look like a smurf or an Avatar.  Bischoff is the first to blow hard about what he’s done for pro wrestling once… just lately dude.

Matt Hardy looks high.

Eric then runs down Fortune and calls Kazarian a Clay Aiken wannabe… timely reference Eric.

Jeff Jarrett calls out Fortune, they come out to the stage before coming out to the ring.

“AJ Styles” chant.

Jeff Jarrett runs down Fortune and how if it wasn’t for him they wouldn’t be anything.

Surprisingly its Robert Roode with the rebuttal.  He calls Immortal overpriced and overrated. How true TNA guys were overlooked but they stayed around because of their love for TNA. Great promo by Roode which leads to a brawl… Scott Steiner, Crimson and Kurt Angle make the save.

Funny how as much as Roode said they’ve been over looked, they end up getting saved but people who has helped them get over looked with Steiner and Angle.

Backstage bullshit.

Velvet Skye and Winter argue about who’s licking Angelina’s cupcake next. Angelina breaks it up and says they both can do it at the same time. They make peace for now and break out the anal lube.

More backstage bullshit.

Bischoff kisses the ass of Hernandez, he buys this shit. He’s a Mexi-CAN.

Match 1

Bully Ray, The Pope and Husky Hardy come down to take on RVD, Devon and Samoa Joe.

Shit breaks down before it even starts and they all brawl in the arena.

RVD and Husky fight in the ring. Husky goes to the top rope and the rope almost collapses!

Husky hits RVD with a sandwich chair when RVD dove to the outside.

Now its Team 3D’s turn in the ring with Ray getting a table and talking shit to Devon’s kiddies who jump the guardrail. This leads to Ray going through the table at ringside.

Bell rings and this shit fest is over. They didn’t announce a winner so I assume it’s a DQ finish??

No Joe or Pope?!

Useless backstage shit.

The Jarrett’s have a surprise for Angle tonight. Maybe its to stop this uncomfortable angle.

More ring jibber jabber

The Jarrett’s are in the ring with a bunch of TNA security. Karen makes it sound like the Jarrett’s are going reality TV with their live. Oh great.

While Angle comes out security lines up like a cheap version of Nexus between the Jarrett’s and Angle.

Karen wants them to Rodney King this shit and all get along.

Great, this match at the ppv is for custody of the kids VS. giving the bride (Karen) away when the Jarrett’s renew their vows. TNA at its best folks. They both sign this contract.

Karen isn’t happy about the kids being put on the line, well shit bitch.

Knockouts hot mess match

Sarita, the debuting Rosita (who’s like a poor man’s AJ Lee), Tara and Madison Rayne vs. Angelina, Velvet Skye, Winter and Mickie James.

Winter is getting all up in TBP’s entrance and Skye is all butt hurt. Maybe its from their session earlier.

Sarita and Angelina start this shit, not long before cousin Rosita gets involved with the botchy double team moves.

Skye and Winter argue which leads to the Rosita moonsault from the top for the pin.

Thank god this period-fest is over.

Oh wait, James calls out Rayne but we go to break. Maybe after we come back it will be over.

Yet more blabbering…

Rayne back into the ring to bicker back and forth with James. No one cares.

The Avatar Smurf speaks

Jeff Hardy is going to take back what’s his, blah blah blah.

Kurt has a heart to heart

Angle wants Fortune to fuck Jarrett’s shit tonight. Roode bows out so Angle can take his place tonight. whatta guy.

TNA World Title Match

Fuck, do I really need to sit through a Morgan vs. Anderson match??

How can anyone take Anderson seriously as TNA champion when he’s still carrying around this stupid variation of the belt!?

Jeff Hardy shows up with his shitty music and a goofy painted ladder. Moron sits on top of the ladder to watch this match. At least he isn’t blocking anyone’s view.

These dudes are wrestling in slow motion.

I’m as bored as Jeff Hardy looks.

Shit finally picks up with a series of moves from Anderson that ends with a neckbreaker.

Morgan shouldn’t be in World Title matches.

REF BUMP! and Hernandez is out to beat up on Morgan.

Hernandez rolls Morgan in for the Anderson pin for the win.

Jeff gives Anderson a golf clap.

Hernandez then beats on Anderson and helps set up Anderson for the Hardy Swanton.

Locker room with Ray

He’s all angry bird about Devon’s kids getting involved tonight. He wants to challenge Devon and his kiddies at the ppv.

Triple Threat match

Kendrick vs. Robbie E and Cookie vs. Chris Daniels Suicide

Robbie is Jersey mad and wants his X Title back.

Kendrick finally gets involved after watching Robbie and Suicide start the match.

Taz says Suicide is probably one of the Texas Hangmen a reference only 4 of us got.

Robbie steals the win from Suicide after he hit his finisher on Kendrick.

Maybe he can now afford to tighten up that hair-do of his.

Another backstage vignette

This Reaction style promo is brought to you by Ink Inc. They rep the 1% of society… uh yeah guys you don’t rep me… at ALL.

Devon promo backstage

He cuts a promo in the back with his sons. This is NOT a good idea. What’s up with TNA and peoples kids on the show!? Maybe Devon couldn’t get a babysitting for Sunday!?

Main Event

Jeff Jarrett w/Karen & Avatar Smurf Hardy vs. Kurt Angle Robert Roode and AJ Styles

I wonder what Jeff’s wife in heaven thinks about this bowlshit with Jeff and Karen…not good.

Strong “AJ” chant. This dude is naturally a face, you don’t have to be Captain Obvious to figure that shit out.

A lot of Jarrett and Angle teases. If they were smart they would have both completely avoid each other in this match just to build up their match at the ppv. Of course they don’t listen.

Angle gets the ankle lock on Jarrett but Smurf breaks it up.

Long ass commercial break, come on man get back to this stupid show so I can end this!

Solid belly to belly from the top from Angle to Hardy.

Finally the hot tag to AJ and Jarrett.

Pele kick to Jarrett but Hardy makes the save.

Jarrett rolls out through the Angle Slam.

Styles pins Jarrett with a clothesline from the ropes when Jarrett wasn’t paying attention in trying to keep Angle out of the ring.

Typical TNA bullshit

Jarrett then nut shots Angle and AJ then hits the Skull Crushing Finale.

Hardy comes in and lands a Twist of Hate on AJ.

Fortune and the Main Event Mafia makes the save but Immortal even things out for the typical TNA brawl.

RVD is out to fight everyone out until Husky sweeps the leg Karate Kid style.

Anderson comes in like Superman and clears the ring.

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