12-13-10 WWE RAW SLAMMY AWARDS REVIEW

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Another 3 hour show and right off the bat… fucking Michael Cole is back with CM Punk and Jerry Lawler. Lawler and Cole bicker off the bat.

David Arquette is brought out and intro’d as Former WCW Champion… he said he was the best champion… sigh. Fool goes on about how he should have won an award for Ready to Rumble… this is going to be a looong night.

And the Shocker of the Year goes to… The debut of Nexus. This award goes as it should. Wade comes out by himself to accept the award for Nexus. He said they were nothing without him as he brought them with him after we won NXT. He brings up he is the only person to rehire Cena and how Nexus is pulling some bullshit on him now. He said he’d make his mind up before the end of the night.

We get an email… and Punk wants to do it! Haha Cole reads that Barrett is wrestling next against The Big Show. Show comes out and jacks Barrett’s Slammy Award while on the way to the ring.

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show

Barrett is apprehensive starting off the match but gets caught by Show who lands chops in the corner. Wade pokes Show in the eye and takes advantage in the match. Show finally recovers while both are on the outside and chops Barrett in the chest again. Wade picks up his Slammy and hits the bricks.

Winner: Big Show by count out

Kelly Kelly comes out as does Tyson Kidd w/his bodyguard to give out the Despicable Me Award. Kidd intro’s the world to Jackson Andrews, he then clowns Kelly for using big words in her intro. She says he’s talked more right now than he has in his entire WWE career. Touché to you both… The winner of the Despicable Me award… CM Punk! Once again as it should be! He runs his happy ass up to the stage, he says if you work hard and believe in yourself you can make your dreams come true. How he did this to Rey because he wronged him. He says there is someone back stage that has wronged him and how he will get them back. Punk plants WrestleMania! Tonight’s choice of shirts from Punk? Day of the dead style Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.

Kofi Kingston & United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler w/Vicki Guerrero & Ted DiBiase w/Maryse

Bryan has a shirt! I wonder what stupid shit it says on the back… ugh. Cole tries to get answers from Punk on who he was talking about but he’s not talking. Match is high paced so far with the crowd into it. Bryan makes the hot tag to Kofi and he hits his usual move set on Ziggler before hitting Trouble in Paradise for the pin. Ted tries to stop the count but he was late (or a little early NOT to break it up).

Winners: Kingston & Bryan

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino & Vladimir Kozlov come out to announce the next award. They do typical award show bullshit banter. The Guest Host of the Year was Pee Wee! They show a video of Pee Wee accepting his award. He thanks Miz and Show then shills his Broadway show. Punk is pissed Shatner didn’t win. Ha.

Wade in the back with his Slammy when the rest of Nexus comes in. Otunga wants his decision and talks shit when Barrett says he knows exactly what he needs to do now.

Mark Henry vs. Dashing Cody Rhodes

Rhodes starts off by avoiding Henry and continuously telling the ref to keep him off his face. Henry finally gets he and over powers him. He grabs Rhodes by the face which pissed Cody off which leads to him side stepping Henry who hit the corner middle rope. Cody locks in the sleeper but Henry fights out and crushes Cody in the corner but goes to the well too many times. Cody then hits the Beautiful Disaster kick then a jumping knee to the shoulder of Henry from the top for the pin.

Winner: Cody Rhodes

Jerry Lawler & Vicki Guerrero come out for the next award. Lawler tells a bad joke and Vicki wants to move on and says her OH SH*T! moment was Cole costing him his title match. He then clowns Vicki saying OH SH*T! is the reaction Ziggler has when she models for him or what the waiter says when she orders the whole menu. She said she’s lost weight but he says if she looks around she’ll find it! Haha Wow, remember when Lawler was this funny? The OH SH*T moment goes to… John Cena for AA’ing Batista off the car on the stage… this is bullshit that RKO to Evan Bourne when he was coming off with the Shooting Star Press was the fucking shit! Fuck Cena. Lawler accepts the award since Cena isn’t there.

Barrett comes out and takes the Slammy to the ring saying if Cena wants it he can come get it and how he is about to decide if he’s hiring Cena back. Barrett keeps hesitating and taking his time. Cena chant breaks out. Wade says he’s not making his decision until Cena comes out from where ever he is hiding and faces him face to face right now. Cena comes out from the crowd slapping hands in shit. He comes to the ring and the kiddies are going wild. Wade wants Cena to keep his distance or he’s make up his mind quick. The Nexus then comes down to the ring and surrounds it. They sure are killing a lot of time here, get to it. To the surprise of  no one… Wade hires Cena on TWO conditions… 1-he faces Barrett in a chairs match this Sunday. 2-he takes on David Otunga tonight… yeah this is easy. Wade steps out of the ring and Nexus jumps Cena. Wade brings in a steel chair hits Cena in the back with it. Wade and Nexus then leave but Otunga hesitates leaving. This was the hottest angle of the year and they’ve killed it and made it extremely anticlimactic. They blew it from the moment Cena didn’t disappear, not even for ONE fucking week. Stupid and they made Cena look weak by not sticking to his heartfelt promo. Who the fuck is going to take retirement angles seriously when they just saw how this shit went down!? Come on people…

David Arquette comes back out, this time dressed as Elvis. He shills some theater he is opening here at the Roosevelt Hotel. The Fan Reaction of the Year goes to… Miz Girl wins and she’s here to accept the award!!! Haha Miz then comes out with Riley. Miz claps for the little girl, he then gets on one knee and cuts a creepy promo. He then wants to see her Slammy… naughty. He then jacks the Slammy award. Haha. He comes down to the ring with Riley and Arquette in toe. Miz shills the ppv and said the moment of the year will come at TLC when he beats Orton. We then get an email… the GM says Miz is facing a former World Champion right now… Rey Mysterio!

WWE Champion The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

Good back and forth match until this strange botched move by both guys. Rey gets Miz in the ropes to hit the 619 but Alberto Del Rio comes out. Miz hits a what looks to be a powerbomb but he sends Rey behind him instead and Rey takes the ring apron to the head! Miz rolls him into the ring and gets a 2 count. Miz gets Rey to the top for a superplex but Rey fights back to land a seated senton and a high cross body for a two count. Miz goes for a roll up but Rey rolls through and lands a stiff kick to the head of Miz…1…2…TWO and a HALF! Rey goes for the 619 again but ADR is in the ropes, Rey moves and ADR and Miz butt heads! 1…2….TH—TWO!  Rey goes for it again but ADR trips him up and Miz pins Rey with the small package.

Winner: Miz

Another email… Punk keeps wanting to read the emails. Ha. Orton is facing Arquette and Riley in a handicap match. Arquette is pumped for this…? Shouldn’t you be selling this dummy?!

Edge comes out to announce the Oh Snap Meltdown of the Year… Gonna go with Vicki even before I see the nominees. He brings out a co-presenter… CHRISTIAN!!!!!!! He comes out with a sling on his arm. This shit gave me goosebumps, I’m gay. Christian hopes Alberto wins this next award since it was him to took him out. And the Oh Snap Meltdown of the Year goes to Edge for beating up the GM computer. Edge says he’s calm and cool before he starts to freak out again about the GM. All of a sudden Christian’s iPhoen goes off and he’s says “Can I have your attention please…” haha Christian was just fucking around. Edge then talks shit about Cole before they both take off. Cole loses his shit.

King Sheamus vs. John Morrison

Sheamus has a new crown again. Its similar to the one last week but is gold and looks more like a crown. Sheamus comes out strong and they brawl with the ref trying to break them up. The ref calls the match since he cant get control. The crowd chants let them fight as the refs pull them apart.

Winner: No Contest.

We get an email… Sheamus vs. John Morrison at the TLC ppv with the winner becoming the #1 contender for the WWE Title in a Ladder match! Sheamus is pissed and jumps Morrison. He then goes to the outside and grabs a ladder and hits Morrison with it who was in the ring. Sheamus then throws Morrison OUT of the ring and onto the ladder!!! That’s gotta hurt.

William Regal & JTG are out for the next award. JTG says some shit and Regal just looks at him like he’s retarded. The Knucklehead Moment of the Year… LayCool trying to beat up Mae Young. Layla say’s she would thank Mae but she probably doesn’t get basic cable in the old folks home. Ha.

Battle Royal to Determine the Diva of the Year

LayCool are kissing their award while the other Diva’s are coming to the ring. LayCool were the only ones to get their own entrance, everyone else comes out together. Shit man at least give the Diva’s Champion her own entrance! LayCool gets ganged up on even though Kaitlyn and Rose are the first ones out. Tamina and her jammies are eliminated next. Punk is playing up the sarcasm in this match. Beth gives Melina the Implant Buster over the top rope! They start to go quick until the final two are Natalya and McCool… its Michelle McCool…ugh. Now they have their own Slammy each.

Winner: Michelle McCool

We get an email… the GM says at the ppv it will be LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in the first ever Diva’s Tag Team Tables Match.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger

Good back and forth match, good chemistry between these two. Swagger gets the ankle lock but Edge rolls through for a 2 count. Edge hits the Spear shortly after for the three count. Good although short match. I enjoy watching these two wrestle.

Winner: Edge

Miz and Riley in the back and Riley is concerned about going out there with Arquette. He comes out and compares himself to Miz. Riley isn’t happy about this but Miz is all serious face and wants to put Orton through a table.

The Big Show comes out to do the next award. He comes out in a suit, thank god he didn’t come out in his trunks. He puts over past moments. Moment of the Year goes to… Streak vs. Career! The go to a pre-tape of HBK accepting his award. He said he’s in an undisclosed location because he cant tell the WWE where he is at so they don’t force him back. Haha He thanks everyone and says he doesn’t miss it but he misses us. Oh HBK how we miss you.

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette w/The Miz

Arquette comes out in a USA covered karate outfit, he’s an idiot. Punk says that if Orton hits Arquette with an uppercut just like he just did to Riley he’ll turn to dust. Haha Riley is holding his own looking like he belongs in a match with Orton. Say what you will in a couple of years with some tweaking and honing, Riley could be pretty legit. Riley carries most of the match which leafs to an RKO for the pin. Miz then hits Orton with the MITB briefcase from behind and grabs a table and sets it up in the ring. Arquette and Miz try to double suplex Orton into the table but Orton fights back. This leads to Orton powerbombing the shit out of Arquette through the table. Miz looks on from the ramp none to happy. Paramedics come out to check on Arquette, that’s right fucker sell the hell out of that table shot! SELL THAT PPV!

Winner: Randy Orton

Michael Cole is now on the Slammy podium. Funny shit here. They even play clips of NXT rookie classic lines. The Line of the Year goes to… Michael Cole… he wrote a speech thanking his Cole-Miners. He gets played out.

Teddy Long comes out to announce the final award. The Superstar of the Year is… John Cena… Sometimes I really do hate this fucking company. He says some shit.

John Cena vs. David Otunga

Nexus comes out to the stage and Wade wants to remind us what happened earlier tonight and goes to the footage of Cena getting beat up. Interesting exchange on the stage with Otunga giving the forearm bump to all of Nexus except Barrett. They just exchange looks. Before the match begins Nexus leaves one by one similar to what they did last week to Barrett. Did Otunga just hit the Pounce?! Well, that was a short beat down with Cena making Otunga tap to the STF. Cena then brings a chair into the ring and hits Otunga with it. A lot of back shots tonight. Wade just watches from the stage as Otunga calls for him. Cena finishes off Otunga while the show ends.

Winner: John Cena

These long nights are a little brutal. They had a nice streak of good shows going on, oh well for this one.

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