08-16-10 WWE RAW REVIEW (Charlie Day, Justin Long and Matt Sedakis)

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Nexus beats their SummerSlam opponents individually… except one which leads to Nexus trimming the fat.

The show starts of with Nexus heading to the ring. Barrett states what doesn’t kill them, will make them stronger. He said they defeated 6 of the best the WWE had to offer. He said they are still here and still united to rule over the WWE. He says that because they lost their will be more suffering and destruction to whoever gets in their way. Barrett is then interrupted by the ass clown himself and his new color scheme, John Cena. He comes out swinging stupid ass jokes, fucking annoying. He jokes about Barrett tapping out then brings up Bryan and how he took out most of the Nexus last night. He said they proved last night they can be beat. Assclown then runs down all the Nexus dudes. Ok he called Slater the chick from Wendy’s which was kinda funny and got the crowd to chant “Wendy’s”. He then says that his mom had an affair with Buckwheat thus Darren Young. Cena then calls Young the weakest link after last night. Nexus starts to argue and of course there’s a fucking email. GM says there will be a series of matches by Nexus vs. Team WWE and that fools cant interfere. Wade says this will set up redemption for them and to see if there are weak links in Nexus and if there is.. they will be weeded out. Loser of any match tonight is out of Nexus. Otunga says that also includes Wade. Another fucking email… Nexus gets to choose who they face except for Barrett, he is facing Jericho next!

Sounds like this will be an “interesting” night…

Wade Barrett beats Chris Jericho. Strong Y2J chants from the get go. Good back and forth match, a little on the slow side though. Jericho went for the Codebreaker but got caught which Wade hoisted Jericho for the Fireman’s Carry Slam for the pin.

They bring out the Guest hosts for tonight, Charlie Day, Justin Long and Matt Sedakis who try to be funny and kiss up to the fans which doesn’t work until they bring up Lakers quickly followed bringing up the Heat. Long doesn’t realize the Hart’s are the tag champs by saying they are the NEXT tag champs. Stupid ass. The Hart Dynasty then comes out… then there is an EMAIL….fuck I think this time its SPAM! Haha GM says the Unified Tag Team Titles will now be know just as the WWE Tag Team Titles. Bret Hart then comes down with the new Tag Team Titles which are a little strange looking… something out of a Create A Title mode… Nexus then comes out of the screen and says Gabriel will take on Bret tonight which Gabriel says he will hit tonight.

Michael Tarver rolled up Daniel Bryan for the pin. STRONG Daniel Bryan chant from the get go. Bryan is schooling Tarver until Miz and Alex Riley come to distract Bryan for the rollup pin. Bryan then drives onto Miz on the outside but ends up getting triple teamed by Riley, Miz and Tarver. Miz then hits the SCF on Bryan onto the briefcase. This is going to be THE feud of the rest of the summer!

Riley and Miz in the back, they get stopped by Josh who wants an explanation. Miz said he was heckled when Bryan was announced as his rookie. He says everyone thinks Bryan is SO especially but look at him now. Riley then cuts a promo on him being the next NXT winner and how he owes it to Miz.

In the back Young wants Cena and how he wants to take him out.

Gabriel comes down to the ring for his match and ANOTHER fucking email comes through. GM says that Bret will not compete tonight and how the GM doesn’t like the Bret Hart but he is substituting him with… Randy Orton… fuck. There was a point where something got censored by I’m not sure what Cole had said.

Justin Gabriel beat Randy Orton by count out. Orton leads most of the quick match until Sheamus comes down and Orton and Sheamus brawl into the crowd which leads to Orton getting counted out. Orton then comes back into the ring and hits the RKO on Gabriel. Orton then goes back to the outside, grabs a chair and smacks the back of Sheamus EIGHT times. Orton goes to leave but then runs back to RKO Sheamus on the outside. The crowd at the Staple Center is losing their shit over this. People love themselves some Orton I guess.

Sheffield and Otunga are in the ring, looks like these dudes get a tag match but it’s a smart move so they can cover up how GREEN Otunga is.

Skip Sheffield & David Otunga beat John Morrison & R-Truth when Sheffield clotheslines Morrison for the win. Short and to the point match.

Jon Lovitz is right behind the King yelling about some shit.

Alicia Fox, Maryse and Jillian beat Diva’s Champion Melina, Eve and Gail Kim when Jillian pinned Eve…yeah Jillian. And Cole is wrong the last time she won wasn’t that long ago when she won’t the Diva’s Title for a hot second.

Josh in the back with Edge. He said he lead the team to victory. Slater then shows up and Josh is sent away. Slater said he patterned himself after Edge and he said maybe they can work something out, maybe Edge no shows the match. Edge said he won’t forfeit a match to a Wendy looking Edge wannabe and goes to walk away but gets popped in the back by Slater.

Heath Slater beats Edge by count out. Both were outside and Edge was setting up for the spear, Edge runs towards Slater but Slater moves and rolls into the ring to beat the count for the victory. Slater still takes a spear after the match. 2 count out victories… really!? It was a cool way to get the victory but you’re telling me you couldn’t come up with anything else!? Hmm.

Justin Long in the back with Khali. He’s talking to him about the Kiss Cam. Runjan translates that Khali needs help with his long distance relationship. The other two dudes come in and make fun of the picture of Khali’s bitch. Khali scares the other two dudes away but says his GF is butt ugly then leaves with the Bella’s. Stupid segment.

They show Cena doing “the walk” to the ring and all I can think of is wiping my ass with his new shirt. Leaving a big ol’ dookie mark on the front of it. Yeah, I think I need therapy folks… sigh.

John Cena beat Darren Young by submission. Before the match starts Nexus comes out to the stage to watch the match. It’s sad that two brothers have to go at it like this. They should settle their differences and set up that tag team where one brother is white but thinks he’s black and the other who’s black who thinks he’s white. I look forward to creative tag team nicknames from you guys! Haha Mid match, Young tries several attempts to get rid of Cena one which involved dropkicking the ring steps into Cena so he’d get a count out victory. Cena comes back in and fights off landing his stupid knuckle drop. Cena then locks in the STF and Young taps out. The Nexus then surround the ring and climb onto the ring apron. Cena then slowly leaves the ring. Nexus comes into the ring and surround Young who tries to apologize. Nexus the beat the shit out of the Black Cena. Sheffield then hits his clothesline, Barrett hits the Fireman’s Carry Slam and Gabriel hits the 450 splash. Nexus then poses in the ring while Darren Young lays in the middle of the ring fucked up and that’s how the show ends.

Maybe it’s a good time to add a NEW member…*cough, cough* Husky Harris! *Cough, cough*.

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