05-13-10 TNA IMPACT! REPORT

by

I want my two hours back…

Eric Bischoff comes to the ring he says its been too long that he’s been to the ring….uh what!? He intros TNA World Champion RVD, he tells RVD that he was going to set up Hardy vs. RVD tonight but they cant “find” this fool so they are giving him the night off. RVD ain’t having it which then brings out Styles. He wants RVD tonight, just days before the ppv. Hardy shows up, they play up this fool being “unpredictable”, uh they don’t have to play that up, this dude is a mess. Lame story short, it’s a triple threat tonight, RVD vs. Styles vs. Hardy.

Did Hardy shave off his eye brows?!…

Borash in the back with the Beautiful People. Skye and Ryne are cutting promos when Lacey runs off cause she’s gotta piss. What the fuck!?

Tara beat Taylor Wilde w/ Sarita with a kick to the stomach when Wilde was coming off the second rope. Sarita gets kicked out at the start which means some bowl shit is going to happen. Aaaand after the match Tara beats on Wilde until Sarita comes back to make the save, I read minds.

In the back Chelsea and Wolfe are being crowded on, some shit happened to this chick and no one cares. Stupid.

Brian Kendrick beat Douglass Williams (wearing the X Title). Williams says before the match that the title is not on the line tonight (even though Kazarian is the champion). Kazarian comes out to commentary and says he IS the champion. Kazarian then heads to the ring to get the title and during that distraction Williams got rolled up by Kendrick. Williams gets to the title first and holds it like a crack rock.

So Chelsea got attacked and Simon Diamond cant believe who it was… ugh this is stupid. So Hemme says they cant say who hit this bitch cause the cops are now involved…

TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan beats up on Generation ME in a handicap match that was thrown out. Morgan is then about to take out the blond one when Samoa Joe comes out, they go at it and Joe hits this fool with the Muscle Buster. Joe then takes off but after that the Wolfpack come out with Eric Young. Nash has a MITB briefcase, he’s cashing in his Tag Team Title shot right now.

Hall & Nash beat Matt Morgan to become the TNA World Tag Team Champions. All Nash did was cover Morgan. This is fucking retarded.

Ink Inc beat Team 3D, Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money. Good fast paced match. I still don’t get Ink Inc, oh look out lets put the two tattoo’d Mohawk guys on the same team…

The show a video piece with Ric Flair talking about the main event tonight. Its subtitled…??…

RVD in the back with Hardy, same style of video package with the conversation being subtitled. This time they make it seem like they are peeping in on the conversation from a window. Pervs.

TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Abyss doesn’t happen when Abyss is being arrested in the back for beating up Chelsea. She probably cut in front of him in the buffet. Wolfe comes out and he is trying to get to Abyss, he’s pissed. Hogan comes in and the cops are going to let Hogan have a word with Abyss? Right. Hogan takes off his mask and they cart him away. Did they really need to unmask him before he got in the car? TNA writers suck.

Orlando Jordan then attacks Rob Terry from “behind”. Jordan then pipes Terry in the middle of the ring… with a steel pipe. Jordan leaves a playing card on Terry that says “the wild card”, lame. Orlando is still in the ring after this mess cutting a shitty promo. He offers an open challenge for anyone to kick him out of the ring. Tomko comes out.

Orlando Jordan beats Tomko via submission. Man Tomko looks like shit, he’s blown up and sloppy. What happened man?! OJ is fucked up.

Spy cam on Hogan when Lacey comes in with a cell phone and shows Hogan what really happened with Chelsea. She’s going to get booted out of the BP for this shit.

Bischoff is talking shit on Tara when he sends her to the ring again this time against Sarita.

Tara beat Sarita. This one starts on the stage that leads to the ring with Sarita leading until Tara uses her knee brace to hit her upside the head.

AJ Styles beat TNA World Champion RVD and Jeff Hardy. During the match Anderson beats on Hardy on the outside until RVD gets involved. AJ dives on all of them on the outside then DDT’s RVD on the outside, rolls him back into the ring and AJ pins RVD with his feet on the ropes. Good match until stupid ass Anderson got involved.

Hardy gets on the mic and says something stupid about Anderson and calls him back to the ring. He heads towards the back until Hogan comes from behind him and stands in front of the exit. He goes to hit Hogan by Hogan gets a shot in. Hardy then takes over and they brawl around the ring. Hardy ends up hitting a Swanton off the announce table onto Anderson who was on a table.

The show ends with a run down of the ppv. I changed the channel.

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