05-06-10 TNA IMPACT! REPLAY REPORT

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Do you really need a 23 minute opening segment!?

Hogan and Bischoff are in the limo talking about Flair, Sting and tonight’s show.

Not sure when TNA changed their theme song but this sucks even worse than Nickelback and they are BAD!

Mike Tenay announces that TNA is heading back to Thursdays… the “war” is over folks! I think I said it would take 3 months so I was a little off.

Jay Lethal comes out in a suit to Flair’s music acting like the Nature Boy. He’s on point, this is some funny shit. This brings out Flair who doesn’t look happy about this. The crowd starts to chant “double vision” haha! Lethal realizes Flair isn’t fucking around and he hands over the ring. Lethal says he didn’t mean any disrespect and that Flair is the man. Lethal is on fucking point with this promo about how he’s made it when he can stand in the ring with Ric Flair. Flair thanks Lethal for the ring but Flair slaps the shit out of him and gets in his face. Lethal slaps him back and its on with Letha chopping Flair and even putting him in the figure four until Beer Money, Wolf and Styles attack and fuck Lethal up. Abyss shows up to try to clean house but he gets over powered. Team 3D then join in on this shit which leads to RVD coming out with a chair and everyone hits the bricks before RVD can hit anyone.

Hogan and Bischoff still on the way on Hogan gets a text or something and he wants the limo driver to turn that bitch around.

They come back from break and the faces are still in the ring while the heels are on the stage. RVD calls them out and Flair says its on so they call start brawling again. I don’t think this was necessary. Hogan “makes it back” and starts to throw punches on his way to the ring. Hogan and Flair on in the ring and Hogan takes it to Flair and dumps him on the outside. This has now gone 24 minutes and there is still no point to it.

They come back from break again and they are still trying to pull apart these fools. Hogan does a bad Flair impression and says TNA fans wants action. Hogan sets up Wolfe vs. RVD for the Title, Abyss vs. Styles in a Monsters Ball match, Beer Money, Machine Guns and Team 3D in a triple threat.

This was a looong over drawn out segment.

Sting is in the rafters, whoopee…

The Beautiful People in the back they are all going at it porno style… ok not really. I think they have an all the titles match again tonight. Why not just change this shit to a 6 woman tag title??

Douglass Williams (wearing the X Division Title) with Brian Kendrick in the ring. Williams is pissed he’s been stripped even though there was NOTHING he could do to get back to the states because of the volcano. He isn’t happy about tagging with Kendrick and how Kazarian has to beat HIM for HIS title at the ppv.

Shannon Moore and Jesse Neal beat Douglass Williams & Brian Kendrick when Neal pinned Kendrick after a Rhino like gore. So the tattooed Mohawk guys are now Inc Ink. Matt Morgan comes out for commentary still doing his “we” gimmick. Williams wasn’t involved in the match which leads to an argument between Williams and Kendrick who get their ass kicked by Samoa Joe. Joe brings Kendrick back to the ring and almost fucks up the muscle buster on Kendrick but recovers and hits it. Joe gets a mic like he’s going to say some shit but then throws it down and walks off. I think the story will tell Joe did prison time and might have been violated which is why he is sOoOoOo angry on his return. GGGRRR!

Borash in Flair’s locker room when he gets kicked out but the camera man is peeping into this shit. Flair is brow beating Styles, Beer Money and Wolfe.

Hogan in a taped segment about how the last 2 years have been shit. He’s sad clown face about Sting and his shenanigans.

The Pope and Anderson are going at it backstage. Anderson is dressed as an alter boy. I’m having flashbacks… no, please don’t touch me there…wait what?!

Anderson comes out still dressed as the alter boy and heads for the ring where his mic comes down all awkward. He cuts a promo sounding like a preacher. The crowd chants “we want pope” but that doesn’t shut Anderson up. Jeff Hardy’s music then hits, he comes down to the ring he cuts a crappy promo on the Pope and he challenges Anderson for a match at the ppv. The segment ends with Hardy hitting the Twist of Fate and stripping Anderson who’s got on tights that say “speak into” on the back and “the mic” on the front. Stupid.

Knockouts Tag Team Champion Lacey & Velvet Skye and Knockout’s Champion Madison Rayne beat Serita, Tyler Wilde and Tara. Tara is playing up the heel turn on her team by telling them to watch and learn. Tara finally turns on her team which leads to the BP ganging up on Serita for the pin and the win.

Christy in the back with Tara, she’s all pissed off that she’s not getting respect. She challenges Rayne for a title shot at the ppv. She said she’d put up her career on the line to get a title shot. Goodbye “Tara”.

Team 3D vs. Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns is thrown out. Its too bad the tag division in the WWE doesn’t mean shit cause I’d like to see 3D back as the Dudley’s. The match was decent and gettins steam when Hall and Nash attack Team 3D. Eric Young then comes out with a kendo stick and turns on 3D to join Hall and Nash, I guess Waltman is officially out! The Guns come back into the ring and fuck up Hall and Nash! Unfortunelly Beer Money come back in and take out the Guns. Well at least Young doesn’t get forgotten by joining Hall and Nash.

Fucking homo ass Orlando Jordan is out with some sort of segment thing. They are calling it the O Zone. This fools guys is Global Champion Rob Terry or at least a cut out of him. Ok I am fast forwarding as I could give a fuck…. While forwarding I say Terry come out but get fucked up by Jordan.

AJ Styles beat Abyss Monsters Ball match. Pretty entertaining match actually but it really didn’t need to be a hardcore match. the crowd was into this shit. The thumb tacks come out but then Flair comes out with Chelsea who Flair keeps telling her to take off her jacket. AJ hits a spring board on Abyss onto the thumb tacks for the pin. They are trying to play up that Abyss was going to try and help Chelsea even though she was in on it. Retarded.

TNA World Champion Rob Van Dam beat Desmond Wolfe with the 5 Star Frog Splash. Short match but good. After the match Styles comes in and beats up on RVD.

In the back Hogan is checking on Jeff Jarrett who got jumped by Sting.

Hogan comes out to the ring, he talks about TNA and says that the guy he wanted to count on the most changed. He calls out Sting. Sting comes out and Hogan wants to know what’s going on. Sting talks shit to Hogan on WWE and WCW and Hogan’s veil of protection. They bicker back and forth then Jeff Jarrett comes down and attacks Sting. Hogan stops JJ and the show ends.

Eh, not a bad show but that opening segment went way to fucking long.

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