04-12-10 RAW REVIEW (Guest David Hasselhoff)

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HOFF keeps showing on the screen to get the people to cheer it… it doesn’t work. Hoff comes out in Knight Rider. Hoff has druids in the ring that have Hoff like masks on…!? He says its going to be Hoff-tastic tonight…Christ. This is bad. This fool is now booking Smackdown!?! He is booking World Champion Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton…!? This is painful.

Eve Torres beat Diva’s Champion Maryse for the title when Maryse went for her DDT and Eve rolled her thru for the pin and the win. Eve has been making improvements so good job.

Unified Tag Team Champions ShowMiz come to the ring. Show says he was skeptical at first about the team but he’s changed his mind. Miz says they are the greatest tag team in WWE history. This brings out Bret Hart! Bret says the Hart Foundation and the British Bulldogs were the best, not them. Miz says Hoff isn’t the only 90’s delusional star there tonight. Show warns Bret again to leave but he says he ain’t ready to leave. The Hart Dynasty come out to the ring to back up Bret. Smith challenges Miz tonight. If he wins, they get a title shot at the ppv. Show pulls Miz back and tries to talk him out of this but Miz says he accepts but says if Miz wins Bret declares ShowMiz the greatest team of all time next week. Bret says they are on.

Unified Tag Team Champion & US Champion The Miz beat David Hart Smith when Show punched Smith in the back setting up the SCF for the pin. Match was ok, good showing for Smith in his dad’s home country. Well at least Bret will be back next week.

They show the David Otunga angle from last week. This is the second time now and we’re only 40 mins in. Yeah, I know it was to show that Batista is getting a rematch but still.

Batista in the back with Otunga. Batista wants to be a socialite too. Batista then gets all serious on Otunga and told his ass to go get him some coffee. Hoff comes in the the Bella’s he says Jean Shorts invited Otunga tonight and he’s set a match between the two. Hoff calls him D-List after asking KITT how fast Jean Shorts will beat Otunga. Oh man Hoff is corny as fuck.

Evan Bourne beat Carlito with the Shooting Star Press. Isn’t this a WWE Superstars match!? Crowd killer until Bourne hit his finisher. Sucks that they use Bourne as a one move pony.

WWE Champion Jean Shorts beats David Otunga with the STF. Shorts gets booed out of the building. Batista comes out with Otunga but stays on the stage. Why was Shorts trying to actually wrestle this fool?! Boring ass match. Batista starts to take his shirt off and looks to head to the ring, he gets a spotlight and says he’s says when no the fans. Batista takes off and Jean Shorts wack ass music hits. BAH! They just showed this dude in the crowd mad dogging the fuck up out of Shorts.

Sheamus comes out to the ring, he says things are about to get worse for HHH. He’s got him at the ppv in a street fight. He’s about to leave but jobber Kofi Kingston comes out to get some payback tonight.

Kofi Kingston beat Sheamus by DQ when Sheamus used a ringside TV on Kofi. After the match Sheamus continually beat up on Kofi. Match was alright, at least Kofi got some moves in.

Carlito comes into Hoff’s office, he wants a rematch. Vladimir Kozlov is also in there, he is pissed he hasn’t had a match in forever. Carlito says if doesn’t get traded to Smackdown he will quit. Vladimir says if he doesn’t get what he wants next week he will destroy McGruber next week (the cast of is the guest hosts)

Josh Mathews in the back with Orton talking about his extreme rules match with Swagger. He cuts a typical Orton promo.

In a Baywatch Babe Match with Hasselhoff sitting in a Baywatch chair, The Bells beat Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim and Jillian & Rosa. All the divas ran down to the ring in red bathing suits in slow motion. Santino was the guest ref. Hasselhoff looked like a fucking old perv watching this shit. Santino ends up “swallowing” his whistle so Horswoggle dressed all Baywatch comes out, tries to pull the whistle out but it doesn’t come off so he lands a tadpole splash so Santino would spit the whistle out. I’m serious, this did happen…

In a match of arm sleeve tattoos, Randy Orton beat Batista by DQ when Swagger comes in and gives Orton the Gut Wrench Power Bomb. Jean Shorts then comes in an puts Batista in the STF. As for the match, it was fine. I was a little bored in Orton’s first match as a face.

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