03-29-10 RAW REVIEW (Guest Cast of Hot Tub Time Machine)


Batista is going to start off RAW? That’s odd. You figure they would have sent Batista back to Smackdown after losing the title. Crowd is hating on Batista hard tonight. He calls last night a fluke and wants a rematch cause no matter what Cena cant beat him. This of course brings out Jean Shorts and his spinney belt. Shorts says some shit and its not too long before there are strong “Cena sucks” chants. Lame story short he give Batista a rematch tonight but Batista turns it down. They throw a few punches and Batista leaves. JACK SWAGGER then comes out and cashes in when he attacks Shorts from behind. He asks for a ref but Shorts tries to put Swagger in the STF. Swagger bolts and calls off his title match. Dammit.

They show a video package on the beginning of HBK’s career in The Rockers. This is happening for reals, isn’t it…..?

The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase comes to the ring with Nick Bokwinkle, IRS, Pat Patterson and Arn Anderson. Rowdy Pipper then comes out with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Ricky Steamboat. Jerry Lawler then joins them. Rob Corddry & Clark Duke come out and makes the main event of Batista & Swagger vs. Shorts and a partner of his choosing. They set up Legends Lumber Jack match.

Christian beat Ted DiBiase beats Legends Lumber Jack match with the Killswitch when Ted is distracted when Ted Sr. start to brawl with other legends when he was defending Jr. when he got dumped on the outside. After the match Sr. checks on Ted only to get pushed by his kid.

The show the video of HBK super kicking Jannetty and putting him thru the glass of the barbershop. Ah, the memories! I was an HBK fan from that moment on, I liked the Rockers then but this was the moment for sure. Good times.

Corddry & Duke in the back trying to get in the hot tub with the Diva’s. Santino comes out stressed like Cusak in Say Anything. Haha. Corddry & Duke get in the tub and it’s a match where the last Diva in the tub wins. They’re trying to get their fuck on.

Triple H comes out to the stage looking like a sad puppy. He talks about Shawn and how he didn’t think it would end for him like this. He talks about meeting Shawn and their history together. Definitely real hard felt shit here, even for Triple H’s monkey ass. Triple H is going to say something he’s never told Shawn to his face but before he can Sheamus comes out and beats HHH over the head with a pipe. The crowd was HOT for this! Sucks that they ended something like HHH “opening” up with Sheamus but shit, it worked those people were pissed and chanting “Sheamus sucks”. Mission accomplished!

James, Eve, Beth, Kelly and Kim beat Maryse, McCool, Fox, Layla and Vicki when Eve pins Maryse. Another two second diva match. Why bother with this shit?!

Video package on WrestleMania 10, HBK vs. Razor in the “first” ladder match. This did put this style of match on the map, no doubt.

Bret Hart is in the back, he’s got a dope ass Owen & Bret shirt on!

Video package of WrestleMania 12 where HBK wins the WWF Title. I was third row!

Bret Hart comes down to the ring he congratulates HBK on his story book career and wishes him all the very best. Good shit. He talks about finally getting closure and beating up on Vince. He brings up his mom, dad, Bulldog and Owen up. Owen gets a HUGE “Owen” chant, so fucking dope. Thank you Arizona! Bret thanks his fans for the last 3 months and bids us farewall. ShowMiz all of a sudden come down… oh shit this is it! They are going to connect Bret and the Hart Dynasty!!!!! Miz gives Bret shit for his 25 on 1 victory last night. He calls Bret a thief for stealing his time. He brags about himself and how he is 1-0 at WrestleMania and is 17 wins from tying Taker. Haha Miz calls Bret overrated. Bret just smiles. Haha. Miz tells Bret to leave but Bret wants Miz to make him. Show then steps in and it telling Bret to hit the bricks when The Hart Dynasty come out to back Bret up. ShowMiz calmly hit the bricks out of the ring. Bret gets on the mic says why do they come back and face the Hart’s. Show says its not the time but Miz wants to do this. Show is reluctant but it looks like its on!

SOLID WrestleMania commercial about WrestleMania moments.

Hart Dynasty beat the Unified Tag Team Champions ShowMiz by countout. Most of the match ShowMiz keeps Kidd cornered. Smith makes the hot tag. Kidd gets Miz in the Sharpshooter but Show pulls Miz out and they both walk out. They are building some sort of mentoring thing with Show and Miz. We’ll hopefully this will start the feud.

DX video footage is then shown, well it wasn’t ALL good for HBK with this shit…

Corddrey & Duke still in the hot tub “match still” divas are dropping like flies. Craig Robinson shows up on a screen and names the Bella’s the winners but then puts Mark Henry in the hot tub match. This is awkward. Hornswoggle was snorkeling in the hot tub. Wow.

Audioslave who broke up years ago are thanked for their WrestleMania theme song. At least its timely…

Jack Swagger comes out to the ring and gets on the mic. He’s sniffing the briefcase..?! He says he was messing with Jean Shorts emotions and that he will cash it in and be the WWE Champion.

Jean Shorts announces Randy Orton as his partner…this makes NO sense considering Shorts and Orton’s history.

Randy Orton & WWE Champion Jean Shorts beats Batista & Jack Swagger when Orton RKO’s Swagger for the pin. They are playing up the history with Orton and Batista. Crowd is hot for Orton who they keep referring to as snake like and calling him “the viper”. Stone Cold rehash… Its just strange to see Cena and Orton tagging like they haven’t feuded their brains out together. After the match, Orton and Shorts have a brief stare down but nothing more. Orton is a face, confirmed.

Video package of last years Taker vs. HBK match. Looks like Shawn is finishing off the show just like last night.

Shawn Michaels now comes out for his farewell speech. Its going to be odd not hearing this song anymore. Thanks for looking like a broke cowboy singer tonight Shawn… even before Shawn could say a word, the place goes dark and the Undertaker’s music hits. Taker then comes out to the stage, tips his hat to Shawn and leaves again. Crowd pops HARD for this. Dope shit. He’s not sure what he’s going to say. Please don’t go chants erupt. Shawn’s getting choked up already. He talks about its going to be tough not to be coming on our TV’s anymore. Thank you Shawn chant. He talks about a period in his life where all he had was the fans and wrestling. He wants to thank people and starts off with Hunter for being his friend when no one else wanted to be around him. He thanks him for the real friendship they’ve had. He then thanks the guys in the trucks, the cameramen, Cole, The King and Jim Ross. He thanks the fans. He thanks this kid Adam who puts the video packages together. One more match chant breaks out. He says he knows how people think about career ending matches but he says he’s not going back on his word or to the Undertaker. He wants to honor his word and says he appreciates the one more match chant but he’s going to do everything to honor his work. HBK chants break out. Shawn thanks Bret Hart next and says he drove that poor guy crazy in the 90’s. Bret said he would honor a friendship with Bret if he would give it to him. HBK then moves on to Vince. He says he doesn’t want to get in trouble but its his farewell speech. He says he couldn’t work for anyone but Vince. He says he has to thank him for keeping him on course over the years. Lastly he thanks all the fans, thank you Shawn breaks out again. He thanks us for the honor and the privilege of coming out every night to see him. He thanks big baby Jesus for saving him. He tells his family daddy’s coming home and then says ladies and gentlemen Shawn Michaels has left the building. He sets the mic down and leaves to a standing ovation from the crowd. These are the moments we don’t forget here. Shawn comes onto the stage and salutes one more time while his music hits. Triple H then comes out and hugs HBK. HHH pulls out the glow sticks for one last merch push and lays them in an X in front of HBK. He walks to the back and we fade to black.

Its going to be a different world in the wrestling business now that Shawn Michaels isn’t in it. From someone who’s watched HBK’s career very closely and found inspiration in him, I am going to miss Shawn Michaels more than I could ever express.

Thank you Shawn.

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