03-15-10 TNA IMPACT! REPORT

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In the back a tacky orange hummer shows up with Hogan, Hardy, Abyss and RVD. Is this TNA’s version of Sunday Brunch?

TNA World Champion AJ Style and Ric Flair. Styles clowns Abyss for thinking the HOF Ring is going to give Abyss powers. Apparently Aybss is wrestling Styles at the ppv?! When did this change, I thought it was suppose to be the Pope!? Flair is all pissed off about Hogan busting himself open but then pops himself in the forehead and he starts to bleed all over the place, what the fuck dude?! RELAX! Jeff Hardy then comes out sporting the face paint he was towards the end of his last WWE run. Flair’s got blood in his eye and this fool looks like a zombie. Styles is pissed and challenges Hardy tonight. So far Hardy is just taking this not saying shit. He finally gets the mic and says “it will be a breeze”. Uh, well done. Damn Flair tells this fool to go to the back and paint and get high off the smell. Haha Hardy says some bullshit calling his fans the creatures of the night, stupid.

Bischoff and Foley in the back, Eric is pissed and wants to shave Foley’s hair and beard. Maybe just a trim? Hopefully he can do a better job than Supercuts.

“earlier today” The Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart beat up on Jesse Neal at catering. I’m sure he would have let you cut fatties, geez.

Before the match Knobs gets on the mic and says its going to be a handicap match. Ray gets on the mic and says they have a partner, they bring out Spike Dudley Brother Runt.

The Nasty Boys & Jimmy Hart beat Team 3D & Brother Runt in a 6 man match when Hart makes the cover on Ray after Knobs hit Ray in the back of the head with Hart’s helmet. Que? After the match Jesse Neal makes the save and Saggs gets put through a table. Why does it look like Knobs face is going to blow up from fatness!? Oh, probably because it is. I cant believe their still wasting our time and Team 3D with this bullshit.

Christy in the back with Angelina Love she’s pissed she didn’t win the tag belts and it going to cleanse TNA of the Beautiful People. How about mostly Lacey..?

Borash in the back with Hall & Waltman about their ppv contract match. Waltman says at least they won’t get fired by FEDEX this time. Hall is wearing a TNA shirt with “wolfpac” written on it with a sharpy, I guess TNA ain’t springing on merch for you guys. He says by next Monday we’ll be looking at the next TNA money players… wait, you mean you guys!? Nash and Young walk in Nash wants Hall in the ring for 5 minutes if Hall wins he’ll get 25G’s from Nash.

Kurt Angle & D’Angelo Dinero beat Mr. Anderson & Desmond Wolfe w/Chelsea when the Pope cradled Wolfe for the pin. Good match all around. TNA needs to focus more on these four dudes in the main event! After the match Wolfe fucks up Pope’s ankle. In the ring Anderson hits the Mic Check on Angle. Anderson digs the medal into Angle’s forehead….forehead. Anderson’s promo in Angle’s bloody face was good.

Jeff Hardy and Abyss are in Hogan’s office, he tells them to take care of business and they take off. Bischoff shows up they banter but I’m not paying attention. The rift is happening I guess.

Angelina Love beat Daffney by DQ when the Beautiful People attacked. Daffney beat up Love until Tara makes the save. Daffney and Tara go into a “we might go at it, AT IT” stare down. Love needs the Beautiful People song back, her new shit sucks. Maybe they should wrestle for it? It is TNA, I could happen. Daffney was honorary member of the Beautiful People, they finally have a good looking chick in the group!

Hogan comes down to the ring, he’s pissed at Sting and he wants him to come down. His ass finally shows up and is taking his sweet fucking time when RVD comes out and jumps Sting. So the “good guys” just set some dude up? That’s not very “good guys” of you. Hogan is about to hit Sting with the bat when Bischoff comes into the ring to stop Hogan from this. Bischoff then has Sting removed. Hogan gets an ear full about wrestling and how they didn’t come to TNA for this. Hogan just got scolded like a bitch.

Hernandez tells Jarrett that they got each others back. Bischoff then comes in and tells them to stop booking matches, that this ain’t the old days. Bischoff makes a match Hernandez in a handcap match with JJ as the ref. Bischoff says he’s not frustrated but then goes into a frustrated rant, wait what!? I don’t get you TNA!

Nash comes out for the 5 minute challenge. Maybe the five minutes is for how long these dudes can go now a days? Hmmm? Hall once again with the high school coach look. Its painful to watch Hall in the ring, he makes Nash look like Ric Flair…ok not really. Still hard to believe anymore that this dude had classics with Shawn Michaels. Waltman comes out and hits Hall, so is this a no DQ match!? Could have been good to explain that. Nash gets handcuffed when Eric Young makes a short save. Waltman and Hall then beat up on Young. Yeah, this match is on a pay per view…

Borash with Beer Money. Beer Money are heels again, no wait their good…no wait… yup, heels.

Beer Money beat Hernandez with Jeff Jarrett as ref. Mogan comes out on commentary pissed that Hernandez went into business for himself an ending up in this situation tonight with Beer Money. Jarrett reluctantly made the 3 count and raising the hands of BM. Hernandez then gets beat up more while JJ got tossed aside. JJ finally jumps in and BM hit the bricks.

Bischoff in his 118th promo tonight is in the middle of the ring with a barbers chair and clippers. Foley comes out with his head down. The tease a shave but really quick it ends with Mr. Socko turning on Foley.. I mean Bischoff takes Socko in the mouth… I mean… nevermind. Bischoff gets his head shaved ala Vince McMahon a few years back. Dumb and a waste.

Christy in the back with Shannon Moore. He cuts a promo even worse than Hardy did tonight.

The Machine Guns are out yapping about the Ultimate X match and a tag team title match. Generation ME then come out talking about how they beat the Guns in their debut. Shelley says they are the XBOX to the gereration ME’s Atari. This then brakes into a fight over game consoles with Kendrick, Red, Daniels and Kazarian getting involved. They play up the ultimate x match and ladders. Push that pay per view! Red takes a dope drive off the ladder onto Daniels, Guns and Kendrick.

Borash in the back with Abyss. I don’t pay attention.

Hardy and AJ with Abyss as guest ref is next …and I forgot to adjust the tivo so the match is cut right before it ends. Awesome. So I read about the rest just now. The match was good, Hardy wins and Flair attacks Abyss with a chair. But Abyss puts Flair through the stage ala Tazz and Bigelow.

The End.

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