03-04-10 TNA IMPACT! REPORT

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TNA Champion AJ Styles, Ric Flair and a bunch of paid ladies come to the ring. Flair wants Hogan to come out so they can apologize. Hogan and Abyss come to the ring. Flair says he wants a peaceful conversation. They banter back and forth, Flair brings up retiring at WrestleMania with honor but if Hogan wants him in four days he’ll do it. AJ gets in Hogan’s face but before Flair and Styles hit the bricks, Eric Bischoff stops them and makes a four-way, AJ vs. Abyss vs. Pope vs. Wolfe. At least that will be better than this anticlimactic segment.

In the back, Borash with Desmond Wolfe and that chick of his. Wolfe cuts a decent promo on tonight’s match. The chick wants Hogan’s HOF ring that Abyss has…? Why has this fucking ring become as big as a title!?!? Stupid.

Bischoff on the phone, says that its stupid to create a football league to compete with the NFL and how stupid of an idea that is… har har. Jarrett comes in, says he isn’t going no where. Bischoff still has a computer screen on his desk with no key board and no mouse and its never on. Bischoff now makes JJ the TNA janitor. He says he will be the best TNA janitor ever…what the fuck is going on here!?

Beer Money beat TNA Tag Team Champions Hernandez & Matt Morgan, Motor City Machine Guns and Generation ME when Roode pins Morgan. Morgan was being cocky to his partner when he got superkicked by Storm. Generation ME looked sharp but the match was really fucking short, ended just as it was picking up. Dammit TNA, don’t you get it, I’m NOT paying for your pay per views so you might as well give me solid matches now.

Bischoff in the back with Sean Morley, he set up a match with Morley and Jarrett with all kinds of stips for tonight. Morley is just happy to be in front of a camera.

Hogan and Angle in the back, Angle wants to take care of Flair and Styles on Monday night instead of Hogan. Angle sucks up to Hogan and what he’s done for TNA so far in such a short time. Wipe your nose Angle. Hogan says this is what he needs to do to earn respect in TNA… no, staying out of the ring would.

They go to a stupid segment of Mick Foley at etiquette school. God dammit Mick, I got teary eyed the night you won the WWF Title, what the fuck has happened to you man?!!?

Morley attacks Head Janitor Jeff Jarrett in the shitter. Perfect place for this show tonight. Morley gets a phantom kick to JJ’s head, way to go slick. Morley pins JJ after he slams JJ’s arm in a door.

Christy Hemme in the back with The Pope. He talks about Dick Flair and Styles jumping him but he’s leaving tonight the new TNA Champion. Pope is solid.

TNA Global Champion Rob Terry beat X Division Champion Doug Williams after hitting a standing Uranage. Match was short but that’s fine. After the match Magnus and Williams beat the shit out of Terry.

Jarrett is in the back getting his arm checked out when Bischoff comes in and jerks JJ’s injured arm. JJ is pissed but Bischoff said he wanted a match and he gave him a match. Bischoff then tells JJ that if he wants a match in a ring he will give it to him.

More stupid shit with Foley and the etiquette teacher.

Mr. Anderson comes out to Angle’s music, dressed like him and has a cookie pan around his neck that says loser. He makes fun of Angle saying he is injury prone and says he’s broken his neck 17 times doing stupid shit like drinking Yoohoo. Angle then comes out and they brawl, its like watching two Angle clones! Ha! Anderson mocks Angle by pulling down his straps and hitting the Angle Slam on Angle. Anderson then takes Angle’s medal, puts it on and takes off. Probably the best segment Anderson’s had in TNA, it wasn’t the greatest or anything but out of the shit he’s done this probably worked the best.

Hogan and Abyss in the back, Abyss kisses Hogan’s ass about watching Hogan as a kid. He then starts talking about the stupid power in the fucking ring. Hogan says he and Abyss are family (!?) and they are going to do with shit together. Hogan says that Abyss is going to protect him. Basically calling Abyss his new bitch.

The show a photo shoot Angelina was doing when she was jumped by the Beautiful People. Lacey still sucks. They do this bit where they put Angelina’s arms through a guard rail and whip her. It was hot.

Angelina comes to the ring and calls Skye out. Skye comes out with the pink belt and Angelina starts beating the shit out of her. Angelina is about to whip Skye when the rest of the BP come out. They get back to whipping Love.

Hogan in the back when stupid asshole Bubba the Love Sponge comes into his office. He’s flipping out on Hogan about getting in the ring on Monday. Hogan says that wrestling is the only thing that hasn’t left him. Bubba calls Hogan a mark for his own career. This would have been good if it was anyone but this cock.

Half hour more to go…

And yet another stupid etiquette segment.

Jeff Jarrett pins Tomko after a roll threw sunset flip. They played up the injured arm. Match was fine, not too bad. Probably the longest of the night or maybe it just felt that way. What’s the deal with Tomko? Has he gotten bigger? There is something about him that’s different…

Now its Bischoff’s turn to try to talk Hogan out of this match on Monday. Bischoff leaves pissy that Hogan didn’t listen.

TNA Champion AJ Styles w/Ric Flair beats Desmond Wolfe w/Chelsea, The Pope and Abyss when Styles gets the figure four on Pope and his injured leg. Styles coming out in a Flair style robe is just silly. After the match they beat up on Pope for a while but Abyss cleans house. Flair then brings out the barbwire baseball bat and Wolfe, Styles and Flair beat up on Abyss. Hogan’s crippled ass comes into the ring and starts swinging the barbwire bat. Flair is bust open and does is patented fall to his face. Security comes out but Hogan and Abyss fight them off. Hogan says on Monday people are going to forget Flair…yeah, not so much homie. Security hold both groups back and the show ends…finally.

Letting you guys know, I might not be doing these on Monday nights for TNA as I’m not going to miss RAW for this shit. Hopefully they will replay this shit another night of the week.

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